The LPJL Daily Takedown – 5/23/17

Catholics Challenge St. Louis’ ‘Abortion Sanctuary’ Law (US News/Associated Press)

In Missouri, “Show Me State” anti-choice zealots are busy showing everyone what assholes they are. A group of St. Louis Catholics are suing the city over an ordinance that prohibits discrimination against people who have had an abortion, or who use contraceptives, or who get pregnant outside of marriage–or what most of us just call “PEOPLE”!!! These St. Louis arch-fiends want the “religious freedom” to throw you out of your apartment for using condoms!


Trump’s Abortion Policy Isn’t About Morality – It’s Coercion (Rolling Stone)

The Trump administration’s fuck-nuts expansion of the global “make-me-gag” rule now forces the right’s anti-abortion crap down INTERNATIONAL women’s throats. And of course, it’s the most exposed throats–the throats of poor women around the world. Just like with TRAP laws in the US–they can’t fool you into thinking abortion is wrong, so they’ll just make it unavailable.


Right-wing attacks on Planned Parenthood are working: Clinics close in Iowa, cutting off low-income women from services (Salon)

Conserva-twits in Iowa have found their own ways of getting around last year’s Supreme Court decision that supposedly safeguarded abortion rights. These Corn-holes have a law that prohibits Medicaid patients from getting even non-abortion services from any clinic that offers abortion. 4 out of 12 Planned Parenthood clinics in Iowa have been forced to close, and that’s Plain Wrong.


The Last Clinics (Vice)

Seven states (SEVEN!) have only one abortion provider left. Not only are anti-choice creeps bad at science, their sense of Geography is as bad as the acting in a popular 90s soap opera.


Pregnant at 18. Hailed by Abortion Foes. Punished by Christian School. (NYT)

Thanks for deciding to have your baby–now get out! 

What do you get when you get into bed with anti-choice Christian hypocrites? YOU GET FUCKED! That’s what an unfortunate Christian School student in Maryland learned after she got pregnant. She went along with the doctrine of the school and didn’t pursue her right to an abortion. So as a punk-ass “thank you,” the school kicked her off the student council and barred her from graduation ceremonies. These “pro-life” dicks are shaming the very people they browbeat into believing their crap!

“A Day Without A Woman” Needs Every Woman

(NOTE: This blog entry is being written by a male-in-solidarity with the “A Day Without A Woman” strike, because all the LPJL women are out on strike today!)

It’s “A Day Without A Woman!” Without any of them here, in fact. Today the LPJL clubhouse is quiet, but only because all the women of Lady Parts are out kicking ass and raising hell awareness.

On this International Women’s Day, women across the world are striking, speaking out, boycotting, and doing everything that they can for the cause of all women and gender-oppressed people! “A Day Without A Woman” is being sponsored by the organizers of the historic Women’s March. As they explain on their website:

In the same spirit of love and liberation that inspired the Women’s March, we join together in making March 8th A Day Without a Woman, recognizing the enormous value that women of all backgrounds add to our socio-economic system–while receiving lower wages and experiencing greater inequities, vulnerability to discrimination, sexual harassment, and job insecurity. We recognize that trans and gender nonconforming people face heightened levels of discrimination, social oppression and political targeting. We believe in gender justice.

What can you do? Do what you can! The organizers recommend

  • Women take the day off, from paid and unpaid labor
  • Avoid shopping for one day (with exceptions for small, women- and minority-owned businesses).
  • Wear RED in solidarity with A Day Without A Woman

AND there are kick-ass events planned at locations all over America. Find one near you.

Not everyone has the opportunity or the resources to participate in every way that they would like to, and that fact is being recognized as well. Many poor women, especially Women of Color, don’t have the luxury of ditching work today. As the website FAQ’s explain “We strike for them. Women and allies with greater privilege are called to leverage that resource for social good on March 8th.”
The important thing is that everyone should do whatever they do. Now get out there and agitate. I’ve got housework to do.

Hosting Duties

An Oklahoma cow paddy of a state rep–who referred to pregnant women as “hosts”–is sponsoring a bill that would require consent from the father of a fetus before an abortion.  

Oklahoma State Rep Justin Humphrey’s bill requires any woman “to provide, in writing, the identity of the father of the fetus to the physician who is to perform or induce the abortion.” And then Baby Daddy has to give his written permission for the woman to evacuate her uterus. You know, because he’s put so much of himself into this pregnancy, what with the furious humping and the ejaculation and the thimble’s worth of semen that he lost and can never get back….

If said sperm donor decides he wants to use you as a petri dish to grow his spoonful of man-sauce into a full-fledged chip off of his block, then you can just drop everything and start your hosting duties… and hope he’s willing to chip in on some the expenses in this rather involved process.

And as for you? Well, you’re “the host!” Seriously. In an interview about his bill, Humphrey said  “I feel like it is a separate — what I call them is, is you’re a ‘host.’ And you know when you enter into a relationship you’re going to be that host and so, you know, if you pre-know that then take all precautions and don’t get pregnant… you’re the host and you invited that in.”

OK, coherence isn’t really his thing. But “Host?” WTF? Does Justin Humphreys think that being pregnant is like working the front desk at a Denny’s during the breakfast rush? Just give your name and you’ll be seated as soon as a uterus opens up! Seriously, the term “host” is generally reserved for MC’s at awards shows or people infected with parasites. Are we talking about a “snowflake baby” or a tapeworm?

Oklahoma is already a disaster area for reproductive rights. The state has a 72-hour waiting period and mandatory “counseling” on the (FAKE) link between abortion and breast cancer. This latest session of the Oklahoma legislature has already seen in 11 anti-abortion bills, including one that classifies abortion as first-degree murder. In short, it’s already bad enough.

Let Justin Humphrey know that women don’t need permission slips to exercise their Constitutional rights.

Tom Price: Precious Little to Recommend Him

UPDATE! Way back in November we warned you about the invasive vaginal irritant known as Rep. Tom Price, Trump’s nominee for Secretary of Health and Human Services. Further research has shown he’s even more toxic than originally thought.

Now it turns out that, even as he was burrowing into your ladyparts, Price was socking away large amounts of ill-gotten gains from possibly illegal but undoubtedly unethical stock transactions. Price would buy stock in companies just before introducing legislation that would drive the price of their stock up.

Great–he’s inside of you AND he’s conducting insider trading. Tell your Senator that it’s time to toss this vile concoction. Oh, and here is an update on all the OTHER reasons Price is wrong:

Part of our on-going series “Sauron’s Army” introducing the numerous creatures of darkness Trump surrounds himself with.  Every single one of these tools has demonstrated contempt for women and reproductive rights and we’re trudging our way to Mt. Doom to destroy (read: expose) them all.

Rep. Tom Price – Position in Sauron’s Army: Gollum

He’s a nasty, corrupted little creature who lives deep in the darkness where he dotes on his stolen “Precious.”

Trump’s pick for Secretary of Health and Human Services is obviously a disaster for anyone who cares about health. Or humans. He’s got a shit-list of plans to deny healthcare to millions of people by eviscerating the Affordable Care Act and gutting Medicare and Medicaid. But he’s also a very special kind of disaster for those 51% of Americans who happen to be women.

Price is a six-term Congressman from Georgia who has built a career attacking reproductive rights and saying insulting things about women. When asked about poor women who would be left behind without contraceptive coverage, he famously blustered  “Bring me one woman who has been left behind. Bring me one. There’s not one. The fact of the matter is this is a trampling on religious freedom and religious liberty in this country.” In other words, a woman’s right to control her own body pales before the right of religious zealots to force everyone to live in their fantasy world of religious purity.  

New York Magazine compiled a handy list of the specific ways that Tom Price wants to occupy your uterus, including his unwavering opposition to abortion rights, birth control, and to Planned Parenthood in particular. This is a man who has sponsored multiple personhood bills, voted for so-called “Pain Capable” abortion bans, wants to let employers deny contraceptive coverage based on their religious beliefs, and opposed laws that prevent a woman from being fired for using birth control(!).

There’s a reason that Planned Parenthood always gives Price a zero rating, while the National Right to Life Committee always gives him 100%. Both were probably being conservative.

Price has been a virtual stalker out to destroy the Affordable Care Act. And as head of the agency that oversees the FDA, he’ll also be in a position to derail new methods of medical abortion or birth control–or even rescind approvals that have already been issued.

Don’t put this nasty little creature in charge of HHS. Send Tom Price back into the shadows.

Dial “M” for “Mordor”

Mordor is on the march!

Here LPJL we’ve been trying to keep you informed about the dark forces being mustered by the gathering Trump administration using the handle “Sauron’s Army.”  Well this week Senate confirmation hearings are being held on the first batch of these monsters.

Senate Republicans under the Turtle Lord Mitch McConnell are trying to ramrod Trump’s nominees through the confirmation process without giving the Office of Government Ethics time to properly review them. Maybe the swamp creatures that Trump is populating his administration with haven’t been properly vetted, but they’ve been exposed to anyone who cares to look.

First out of the shit-chute is Attorney General nominee Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III–a man named after not one, but two secessionist traitors who took up arms against the United States. We nailed him as the Witch-King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgul. For those of you not versed in Tolkien-speak, he’s a major asshole.

Jeff doesn’t think that grabbing a woman by her genitals falls under the definition of sexual assault. He opposed the Violence Against Women Act. And his vitriolic opposition to abortion earned him a lifetime 0 rating from NARAL and a slot co-chairing the 40th anniversary bash for Americans United For Life.

This is where you come in, virtuous creatures of Middle Earth. Get on your Hobbit-phones or the Elvish-net or whatever else functions as social media in the realms of Endor. Put the Senate Republicans on notice that you won’t allow these hearings to be a mockery of the term “confirmation.” And help bolster the resolve of Democratic Senators to keep the heat on. Even if they don’t have the votes to sink these nominations, they can hold them up to scrutiny that will make it harder to put their anti-woman agenda into action.

It’s on. Time to cry bloody Mordor.

My Blue Haven

It can’t happen here. Right?

We used to think that about America as a whole — until it happened here. Now Republicans will soon control both houses of Congress and the White House, with a conservative majority on the Supreme Court seemingly inevitable. OK, it happened here. But it can’t happen RIGHT HERE. Right?

Even if those endless expanses of red America on the 2016 electoral maps go full-on Trump-nuts, those of us lucky enough to live in blue state refuges and urban oases may have the feeling that we can weather the shitstorm by hunkering down in our safe spaces. No matter how crazy middle America goes, it can’t drag the coasts down with it. Can it?

Actually, when it comes to abortion rights, conservative nutjobs are pretty well positioned to pull every state down into the hellhole that they’ve dug. An article in The Week outlines how Republicans in control in Washington could essentially put abortion out of reach for everyone, even in the bluest corners of this country.

There’s a feeling that even if a conservative Supreme Court overturns Roe v Wade, that would put the question of whether to allow abortion back onto the states. Big problem if you’re a pregnant person without a lot of resources trying to stay afloat in that vast red ocean. But if you’re ensconced in a blue state, you might be tempted to think your rights are safe.

Wrong. As The Week article points out, nationwide versions of repressive TRAP laws designed to shutter clinics, mandatory waiting periods, or even lunacy like the mandatory fetal burial laws are all ways that conservative majorities in Washington can reach out to grab uteruses everywhere from Brooklyn to Berkeley.

It can happen anywhere. The bad news is that nobody’s reproductive rights are safe. The good news is that means that we’re all in this fight together. Everywhere.

Pillory Supporters

The weird thing about Donald Trump is that, despite the fact that he and his trog-mob live in a bizarre shit-castle of lies, every once in awhile they accidentally expose a fundamental but buried truth.

Trump’s eruption like a pus-swollen pimple on the face of modern America has laid bare this often ignored truism–opposition to abortion rights isn’t about helping the “unborn,” or God knows, women. It’s about punishing women–for having sex without meaning to procreate, for having the brass to demand control over their own bodies, and for having a uterus in the first place.

In a new survey, 39 percent of self-identified Trump voters said that women should be punished for seeking abortions. They were just parroting the statement of Trump himself, who during the campaign said that women who seek an abortion should suffer “some form of punishment.” (Perhaps a stern pussy-grabbing would be in order!)

All of that flies in the face of the official dogma of anti-choice nutwaddery, which for propaganda purposes holds that only abortion providers should be punished. Women who want abortions are duped victims of those demonic doctors, not citizens exercising their rights.

Of course it’s balls-out hypocrisy to cry that abortion is murder and not to indict the person arranging and paying for the “crime.” (That goes double since anti-abortion crazies force women to such extraordinary efforts to gain access to abortion. These women are some truly motivated murder-for-hire conspirators!)

Despite his subsequent walk-back of his “punishment” statement, Trump undoubtedly truly does favor some sort of punishment for women–not because he has any sincere opposition to abortion, but simply because he hates women. And I’m sure the same is true of a good chunk of the 39 percent of Trumpists who want to punish those women seeking abortions.

Trump himself may be coated in a quarter inch of Cheetos dust, but ironically, he has exposed the true face of the anti-abortion movement.

Department of Labor Pain: Meat the New Boss.

In our new Play of the Day series “Sauron’s Army” Lady Parts Justice League explores the key players Donald Trump has chosen to surround himself with: his advisors and the people being appointed to his cabinet, all of whom have a deep of history of being strongly anti-choice.

Andy Puzder

Position in Sauron’s Army: Fast Food Nazgul, AKA “Onion Ring-Wraith.”

Donald Trump’s prick, er pick, for Labor Secretary is fast food kingpin Andy Puzder. Good ol’ Andy promises to be a real pain to workers AND especially to women. He’s spent his career trying to keep both down, including working directly to overturn Roe v Wade.

The Puz’s opposition to a decent minimum wage and to overtime pay is legendary. He famously extolled the virtues of machines over human employees by saying  “They’re always polite, they always upsell, they never take a vacation, they never show up late, there’s never a slip-and-fall, or an age, sex, or race discrimination case.”

Equally notorious is Puzder’s penchant for pushing his product with sexist ads that are virtual burger porn. “We believe in putting hot models in our commercials, because ugly ones don’t sell burgers” Puz said in 2011. Just last year he was still on it: “I like our ads. I like beautiful women eating burgers in bikinis. I think it’s very American.” GREAT AGAIN!


But he doesn’t just have his greasy, fingers in your paycheck— before he was fighting to keep wages at obscene levels, he was also a lawyer for anti-abortion extremists who were often thrown in jail for harassing women. In fact, Puz loved defending women haters SO MUCH, back in 1989, he helped write Webster v. Reproductive Health Services, the restrictive Missouri abortion law that imposed restrictions on the use of state funds, facilities, and employees in performing, assisting with, or counseling on abortion (which was upheld by the Supreme Court.) That law is part of a long-term strategy to undermine Roe v. Wade, as Puzder boasted 27 years ago.  “It is designed to make the Supreme Court face the question of deciding whether a state can decide when life exists.”

Now, thanks to Trump, this pink slime pusher will be in a perfect position to keep women even more vulnerable by promoting draconian wage laws while influencing draconian abortion legislation, creating even more obstacles to economic freedom for poor women and women of color.