Crazy Shit My President Says, Episode 1.6 Million: NAFTA Causes Abortion 

OK you HAVE to read this. The latest defective product hot off the assembly line at White House alternative factory is that the NAFTA agreement causes increased abortion rates—which is backed up by… the fact that they said it. It reminds you of the time Mike Huckabee saidabortion causes illegal immigration” Research tells them that everything they hate causes something else they hate. It’s called science.


It Could Always Be Worse in Jacksonville—The Best and Worst Places for Repro Rights in the US

Turns out repro rights are like anything else—it’s all about location, location, location. And a new study from the National Institute on Reproductive Health on the best and worst places to have a uterus in America says if Jacksonville is the WORST! Also on the suck-list are places from Phoenix, AZ to Harford, CT (!) so it can be bad ANYWHERE. Hey, but respect to LA, NY, and SF for kicking ass in the top slots. And Austin gets special love for ranking high while still dealing with the bullcrap Texas lays on them. But there’s need for improvement everywhere. Check out this article in Quartz to see how bad you’ve got it.


SHOCKER! New Analysis (and Your Own Eyes) Show Family Research Council Dirtbags Heart White Supremacy!

Rewire performs a public service by adding some scientific analysis to the blaringly obvious notion that the extremist Family Research Council shares tender feels with neo-Nazis and White Supremacists. These scumsacks are Nazi—er, mean nasty—opponents of abortion rights. Basically, they have built their entire brand screaming about the so-called abortion holocaust, while joining forces with the supporters of real Holocaust!


“The Nuns Have Won!” Rightwing Giddy Over Nuns Winning Control of YOUR Reproductive Life!

Donald Trump’s DOJ just kicked all of America in its collective uterus. They settled with an ugly bunch of 70 litigants who were suing over Obamacare provisions to let women control their own bodies. And with his expansion of these creepy religious and morality exemptions, Trump just handed that control to even more holy trollers. As the National Review blared: THIS IS WHY they elected Trump! Spoiler alert: this fucking article is stomach churning.


Less Education is More! —Anti-Choice Crusaders Want to Keep Doctors As Ignorant as They Are!

Here’s a must-read from NPR in Wisconsin about moves that would virtually destroy OB-GYN training at the University of Wisconsin just so anti-choice nutters can shut down abortion training. It’s part of a scary long-term trend that you need to read about here too. These snake oil salesmen are sneaky, they know that nobody can get abortions if nobody knows how to perform them. They think we aren’t paying attention, let’s prove them wrong.

LPJL Daily Takedown – July 17th, 2017

The Reality of Those Super Fun “Vacation Abortions” Republicans Are Always Talking About

“MY LAST RESORT” is NOT about a VACATION! Anti-choice zealots love to talk about the supposed “vacation abortions” that women are getting when they are FORCED to travel to get vital medical care. As this article explains, every year about 3,000 women have to come to Illinois to get abortion care because their home states make access virtually impossible. And those are the ones who are lucky enough to have the means to take off work and travel! People need access to affordable abortion care in their own communities. One of the many stories in this article is about regret. Regret is part of any choice… or lack of choice. We can’t let extremists frame regret as a reason to deny people the freedom to choose.


Teen Pregnancy Is at It’s Lowest”- America, “Hold My Beer”- Trump

PERMANENT ABSTAIN: God only knows how many unplanned pregnancies the suddenly pious Donald Trump has caused in his repulsive past, but he’s determined to cause millions more—and now to America’s teens! This Day-Glo Disaster wants to cut over $200 million in funding for teen pregnancy prevention programs at the same time that he’s throwing $277 million at ABSTINENCE ONLY programs! Look, if anything can get people to swear off sex, it’s the thought of Donald Trump—but abstinence STILL doesn’t work!


We Don’t Need A Crystal Ball to See What Defunding Looks Like…We Have Texas!

CAUTIONARY FAIL! Texas conservatives, always at the forefront of any shitty idea, are now a cautionary tale about what happens when you defund Planned Parenthood, slash funding for family planning, and close 80 clinics. SURPRISE! You get more teen pregnancies… AND more abortions! The rate of teen births in Texas is up 3.4%, even as it’s falling in states with less medieval methods. A study estimates there have been 2,200 unplanned pregnancies because of the actions. Oh, and two years after the funding cuts, Texas abortion rates are up 4.9%. Thanks to former Gov. Rick Perry and conservative lawmakers, Texas is a mess!


Schools Out For Summer…Or Forever for Wisconsin OBGYNs

TRAINING WRECK: A new Republican bill in Wisconsin attacks abortion access by blocking the University of Wisconsin-Madison from training resident doctors in how to perform abortions. Of course that leads to a fucking domino-of-dickdom effect in which UW-Madison loses its accreditation for OB-GYN training, and OB-GYN’s-in-training leave the state. 20 of 72 counties in Wisconsin are already without an OB-GYN! The author of the bill hates the fact that Planned Parenthood pays UW doctors to train OB-GYN residents at local clinics… but of course they HAVE TO because Wisconsin law prohibits any state money from going toward anything remotely abortion. So this law makes it illegal for UW docs to train residents anywhere except at a hospital… where it’s against the existing law. And then it all causes the UW to lose their OB-GYN accreditation, and gynecologists flee the state. Who knew a cheese-head could come up with such a diabolical plan?


Blessed Motherf*ckin Be, Iowa’s Fight Against Insane Undue Burden Laws Start Today

LONG 3-DAYS’ JOURNEY INTO NIGHTMARE: Today marks the start of court hearings to see if Iowa’s new 3-day waiting period for an abortion is constitutional. These waiting periods are used to deter people from exercising their abortion rights—and they’re devastatingly effective in rural states like Iowa where patients have to travel long distances for multiple appointments. Don’t let Iowa get away with forcing people to wait for their rights.  Reproductive justice delayed is reproductive justice denied!



NEXT UP- PITTSBURGH! We said goodbye to the wonderful Cleveland and arrived last night in PITTSBURGH ready for some action! Check Us out on City Paper’s Short List, so If you’re in town, get your ass down to  Mr. Smalls Funhouse on Wednesday July 19th! Doors at 7pm!

We pull out of Pittsburgh, and head off to Louisville for our LAST SHOW of the Vagical Mystery Tour on Saturday July 22nd. If you are in Louisville, join us for some bourbon and some Bevin Ball Bustin’!!  Get your tickets here!!

Stay tuned for more fun updates!

LPJL Daily Takedown – July 11th, 2017

Sweden-ing the Deal Post Global Gag Insanity!

Our friends in SWEDEN are helping to loosen the Trump-imposed “Global Gag Rule” by putting their Kronor where their mouth is. They’re giving money for family planning and safe abortion to organizations that are telling Trump to stuff it! The Gag Rule is invoked by Republican presidents—it prohibits U.S. funding to international healthcare organizations that even mention abortion. Well, Sweden is sweeting the pot by making $20 million available to organizations that refuse to follow Trump’s Gag Rule, and they’ll turn down sexual health care funding to any organizations that go along with Trump. THANK YOU, SWEDEN! JAASSS DROTTNING! (That’s Swedish for YAASSS QUEEN! Or as close as Google translate will allow.)


Toledo Sidewalk Sickos Might Soon Lose Their Freedom Of Sp- Oops, Freedom of Harassment

(UN)HOLY TOLEDO! Toledo, Ohio may soon tell anti-abortion holy rollers they can’t roll over other people’s rights anymore. The city is considering making it a misdemeanor to impede access to a healthcare facility—including Toledo’s only abortion clinic. Of course, screeching threats and harassment is a favorite tactic of “family values” types. The Toledo clinic reports people being harassed in the parking lot and being afraid to leave their cars. The law would create a 20 foot buffer zone. Of course, that’s too much for the Troll Squad, who say it impedes their “freedom of speech.” Ohio has seen too many clinics be shut down to allow these trolls to impede access to those that are still here!


The “Cocaine Mom Law” is The Most Cheese-dick Bullshit Ever

MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE CHEESE… The state of WISCONSIN is punishing pregnant people with addiction issues—and endangering them and their pregnancies in the process. BECAUSE PRO-LIFE! Wisconsin’s “Cocaine Mom Law” lets the state jail pregnant moms with a “habitual lack of self-control” if they pose a “substantial risk” to “the physical health of the unborn child.” BRILLIANT! This criminalizes motherhood and makes poor people LESS likely to seek prenatal care. It also HUMANIZES A FETUS. The 1997 law is currently under appeal but it’s still being enforced. One pregnant woman was thrown into jail and threatened with Tasers. She wasn’t given access to a lawyer, but one was appointed for her fetus! It all gets back to the “pro-life” LIES that value the fetus above the person carrying the fetus. If you want to support motherhood—THEN SUPPORT MOTHERS!


If Greg Abbott Gets His Way, It’ll Be Anti-Choice Monkey See, Anti-Choice Monkey Do

DON’T MESS WITH US, TEXAS! Not content with turning the great state of TEXAS into a barren wasteland of reproductive rights, now Texas Governor Greg Abbott wants the state to serve as a model for others to follow it off the conservo-cliff. Texas is asking for a waiver on Medicare and Medicaid that would allow its family planning programs to exclude any organization that provides abortion—which totally takes the “family planning” part out of “family planning”! And Texas Anti-Abortion Advocates want other states to copy this crap. HEY, ABBOTT! How about you AB-BUTT OUT of our uteri!



Catch up with the gang on the home stretch of the Vagical Mystery Tour in this exclusive Facebook Live from the Northland Family Planning Center in Sterling Heights, Michigan!