LPJL Daily Takedown – June 22nd, 2017

Trump Receives His First(?) Urgent Invitation To A Planned Parenthood

INVITING DISASTER: While Repro-WRECKING BALL Donald Trump was flogging his misogynist policies in IOWA, Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards publicly extended an invitation to visit a Planned Parenthood health center. Richards’ invite said: “Your health care repeal bill will cause millions of women to lose their insurance, could allow insurers to drop maternity coverage, and block people with Medicaid coverage from accessing preventive care at Planned Parenthood.” Sadly, the GROPER-IN-CHIEF didn’t grab this opportunity.


Anti-Choice Laws: Maybe They’re born With It, Maybe It’s Make-Believe!

STATES OF (SCIENCE) DENIAL: Everything that the anti-abortion TROLLS out there believe is a lie. And they’re fine with that—they made up the lies! A new study shows 10 categories of batshit anti-abortion state laws that fly in the face of science—everything from TRAP-law fuckery to bogus “fetal pain” bills to LIES about abortion causing breast cancer. But don’t expect any of the hateful anti-choice minions out there to LEARN anything they hear from scientific research, it’s much easier to form an opinion from what’s written on the side of some crackpot’s van.


New York State is Choosing ‘GET A LIFE” for Clinic Protestors

Finally, someone is standing up against the HATE AND SPITTLE-SPEWING crowds screeching outside of women’s health clinics. New York state attorney general Eric Schneiderman is suing to stop the patients of an abortion clinic in Queens from being “harassed, threatened, and menaced” by the anti-choice vampires outside. The suit asks for a 16-foot buffer zone to at least grant patients a little safety. Clinic harassment doesn’t just happen in red states! But at least in this instance, New York clinics have someone on their side.


What’s a Person? Asking for a friend. That friend is Maine.

MAINE CULPRITS: The state of MAINE is trying to grease the slimy skids toward total “personhood” for fetuses, zygotes, embryos, and unattached sperm. The senate passed a bill that would allow wrongful death suits over the demise of an “unborn viable fetus” of 24 weeks or more. This is part of a long-running anti-choice scam to give fetuses legal “personhood,” as a way of undermining abortion rights. This law supposedly excludes abortion, but opponents fear it could be used against abortion doctors or anyone trying to terminate their own pregnancy. Don’t get “Person-hoodwinked,” Maine!


Chris Hughes is the ONLY Person Talking About The Important Things –

Like Planned Parenthood’s meddling in American Democracy?

MUDDLED ON MEDDLING: Um, Who are the ones meddling in unwanted places? These anti-choice, anti-woman dipwicks don’t think before they talk—and when they do, they don’t think very clearly. The Moonie-bin of the Washington Times is out with a laughable op-ed from “Christian political activist” Chris Hughes. This dimbulb brilliantly asks why everyone is so upset with Russians meddling in our elections when Planned Parenthood “meddled” in the Georgia Special House election by making donations “in an attempt to sway an election.” (! and !!) YOU. FUCKING. TOOL. Over $55 million was spent on this election, including over $18 million from outside super PACs and party committees for the GOP candidate. Don’t bitch about money in politics, Chris, it’s the only thing keeping your people on top.



The Vagical Mystery Tour reconvenes June 27, 2017 in CHI-TOWN! LPJL will be at METRO Chicago joined by Alonzo Bodden, K. Valentine, Leah Bonnema, Joyelle Johnson, Dina Nina Martinez, and last but NEVER EVER LEAST, Dr. Willie Parker!!!

Tickets Available at www.vagicalmysterytour.com/tour-dates/

LPJL Daily Takedown – June 9th, 2017

This Doctor Says He Can “Reverse” Abortions

Mother Jones

QUACK TIME! Have anti choice monsters ever met a lie it didn’t embrace? The latest medical quackery from the same folks who run “crisis pregnancy centers” is that medically-induced abortions can be “reversed”!! A medical abortion involves two drugs, taken hours apart—first mifepristone and then misoprostol. Abortion “reversal” works on the notion that a large dose of progesterone taken after the mifepristone can prevent the abortion. But the leading medical association for obstetricians and gynecologists says “claims of medication abortion reversal are not supported by the body of scientific evidence.”  In laymen’s terms—IT’S TOTAL AND COMPLETE BULLSHIT! Here’s the sitch- a loon Read looney at a CPC in San Diego has been pushing this bogus notion hard. So of course, anti-choice lawmakers then push laws to REQUIRE doctors to tell these lies about “abortion reversal” to women seeking abortions. The only reversal here is that what they’re saying is the mirror-opposite of reality.

Anti-abortion Leader Facing Lawsuit wants Judge Disqualified

ABC News

THE SCUM ALSO RISES: PLANNED PARENTHOOD VIDEO TROLL David Daleiden, who is facing felony charges in California for his attacks on pro-choice organizations, is suing to disqualify a judge in his case. U.S. District Judge William Orrick barred Daleiden from releasing his spy videos he shot at meetings of abortion providers. Daleiden is part of the “Center for Medical Progress” the front organization who shot the video hack job on Planned Parenthood in 2015. Now he’s whining because he says the judge has links to someone who has links to Planned Parenthood! Duh dude- EVERYONE DOES. VIDIOT!


Abortion Restrictions Threaten Senate GOP’s Obamacare Repeal Push


TRUMPED CARE: Here’s a little something for fans of poetic justice—Abortion restrictions in the Obamacare repeal efforts might make it impossible for the Senate to pass a repeal bill. Under Senate rules, only budgetary bills can be passed with a simple majority of 50 votes (a process called reconciliation.) If they add restrictions on abortion to the bill, then Republicans need a 60-vote supermajority to pass the bill, and there is no way they’ll get that many votes—there are only 52 Republicans in the Senate. Republicans are trying to finesse FAKE the language so that an abortion ban could slide by under reconciliation rules, but it looks iffy. ACCESS TO REPRODUCTIVE CARE AND AFFORDABLE HEALTHCARE FOR ALL!


Budget Abortion Language Could Jeopardize Hospital Procedures

North Carolina Health News

TARHEEL SHIT-HEELS! Lawmakers in NORTH CAROLINA are loading up budget bills with anti-abortion landmines. The state Senate version of the budget bill says “no State funds shall be allocated to any provider that performs abortions.” Or as an ACLU spokesperson put it, the bill would “force physicians and facilities to either refuse to provide a common medical procedure or to give up important public health funding from DHHS.” And a House version gives $1.3 million to the Carolina Pregnancy Care Fellowship—a “crisis pregnancy center” that uses lies to discourage women from considering abortion. North Carolina—money for lies, but not for care! LOOK FOR THIS ONE IN YOUR STATE!


Appeals Court Set Date to Consider Tennessee Abortion Measure

The Tennessean

A federal appeals court has set a date in August to hear oral arguments over TENNESSEE’s harsh anti-abortion law, Amendment 1. AND AMENDMENT 1 IS ONE FUCKED UP AMENDMENT! It gives Tennessee lawmakers almost unlimited power to restrict abortion rights. It’s already spawned a shit-platter of TRAP laws. By the way, the amendment “TRUMPs” federal law, which has been getting Trumped enough lately. The court hearing is over a complex snafu over how votes for the Amendment were counted. But if things go the right way, people in Tennessee will have “1” less problem!


Day 7! What an inspiring Mississippi trip! After we did some raking, flower planting and escorting with the Pink House Defenders, we had a packed show at Duling Hall! The Tour has now landed in Little Rock, Arkansas! First stop — Happy Hour with The Little Rock Family Planning. Second Stop —  Vino’s on SATURDAY for an amazing night of comedy!

Daily Takedown – 6/5/2017

Trump’s Rollback of Birth Control Rights Will Run Into a Legal Buzzsaw

LA Times

HARD TO SWALLOW–The Trump White House is trying to shove a rollback of contraceptive rights down your throat. And NO, that is NOT a form of birth control!

Trump’s Department of Health and Human Services under Tom Price-Is-Wrong wants to change the rules to allow ANY employer who claims to have “religious beliefs and moral convictions” to deny their employees birth control coverage.

And they’re breaking the law by trying to put the rules into effect without any notice or public comment—an understandable approach since the public’s comments are going to be along the lines of NO FUCKING WAY!


Florida Will Offer Birth Certificates To Miscarried Fetuses Now



Remember—no matter how crazy things get, they’re always weirder in FLORIDA. Florida’s latest foray into the fever swamp of anti-abortion nuttiness is to mandate the offer of “birth certificates” for miscarried fetuses as early as 10 weeks! (They’re actually called “Certificate of Non-Viable Birth.)

Make no mistake—this is a “personhood” ploy as obvious and slimy as the fetal funerals being proposed in other states. It’s an attack on anyone who wants to control their own uterus—and a cynical slap in the face to those who experience the trauma of a miscarriage.  

Knock it off, Florida, before you start mandating obituaries for spilled semen.


Dominican Republic: Vote Against Decriminalization of Abortion, A Betrayal to Women

Amnesty International


Abortion is a crime in the Dominican Republic—and it’s going to stay that way after a cowardly vote by the DR Senate against the decriminalization of abortion. Amnesty International said “Instead of playing political games with women’s lives, authorities should focus their time and efforts on protecting their human rights.”

Meanwhile in the US there are people working every day to make abortion a crime and to make anyone who gets one criminals. Move the Dominican Republic forward and don’t let the US slide backwards!


A writer searched for a Planned Parenthood clinic emblematic of all others. She found it in Phoenix.

AZ Central


For an article in Allure magazine, a writer wanted to find one Planned Parenthood clinic that represented all of them. She ended up choosing a clinic in Maryvale, a neighborhood in Phoenix, Arizona. It was a great article about an exemplary clinic–one that serves a bilingual area where over half the population is below the poverty level.

One small problem–this particular clinic doesn’t perform abortions. Now, not all PP locations do. But the fact that many do is the reason the organization is in the crosshairs of nut-bag politicians who are trying to shut down funding for ALL Planned Parenthood clinics, even ones like this that don’t offer abortion services.

PP provides lifesaving and compassionate service to underserved communities, including breast exams, pap smears, birth control, and–at some locations–abortion services. All of that was made clear in the article. But the point could have been made with more sensitivity to women who seek abortions by choosing a clinic that performed abortions.

Allure’s efforts here are much appreciated! But we have to be careful not to accidentally stigmatize the very rights we’re trying to protect. So SAY IT WITH ME: “THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING OR PERFORMING ABORTIONS!”


Georgia 6th: Handel Faces New Attack Over Komen Stance

Atlanta Journal Constitution


In the brief time that she was VP for policy at the Susan G. Komen Foundation, Georgia pol Karen Handel, now running for Tom Price’s vacated Congressional seat from Georgia, used that position to stop Komen’s partnerships with Planned Parenthood. It caused such a backlash that Handel had to resign in disgrace.

Handel’s actions jeopardized breast cancer screenings for thousands of women, just so she could advance her radical anti-abortion agenda. The run-off election in Georgia is on June 20th—tell Karen HANDEL THE TRUTH will force her to be accountable!


Vagical Mystery Tour Update!

Birmingham, Alabama was a dream come true! A lot of people put their contact information on the LPJL signup sheet, and others… well, let’s just say they left their calling card.

“Place of Death” just sounds like the description for a comedy show where EVERYONE ONSTAGE KILLED IT! HOW’D THEY KNOW!? These anti-choice are wackjobs- emphasis on JOBS. They are some of the busiest people around. How do you balance a “Sidewalk Psycho/Comedy Show Psychic” schedule all in one day? That takes skill.

But wait… There’s more!

Binge on the one-episode (Facebook Live clip) season premiere of LPJL Presents: “Bullies” On the Street below!


The LPJL Daily Takedown – 5/23/17

Catholics Challenge St. Louis’ ‘Abortion Sanctuary’ Law (US News/Associated Press)

In Missouri, “Show Me State” anti-choice zealots are busy showing everyone what assholes they are. A group of St. Louis Catholics are suing the city over an ordinance that prohibits discrimination against people who have had an abortion, or who use contraceptives, or who get pregnant outside of marriage–or what most of us just call “PEOPLE”!!! These St. Louis arch-fiends want the “religious freedom” to throw you out of your apartment for using condoms!


Trump’s Abortion Policy Isn’t About Morality – It’s Coercion (Rolling Stone)

The Trump administration’s fuck-nuts expansion of the global “make-me-gag” rule now forces the right’s anti-abortion crap down INTERNATIONAL women’s throats. And of course, it’s the most exposed throats–the throats of poor women around the world. Just like with TRAP laws in the US–they can’t fool you into thinking abortion is wrong, so they’ll just make it unavailable.


Right-wing attacks on Planned Parenthood are working: Clinics close in Iowa, cutting off low-income women from services (Salon)

Conserva-twits in Iowa have found their own ways of getting around last year’s Supreme Court decision that supposedly safeguarded abortion rights. These Corn-holes have a law that prohibits Medicaid patients from getting even non-abortion services from any clinic that offers abortion. 4 out of 12 Planned Parenthood clinics in Iowa have been forced to close, and that’s Plain Wrong.


The Last Clinics (Vice)

Seven states (SEVEN!) have only one abortion provider left. Not only are anti-choice creeps bad at science, their sense of Geography is as bad as the acting in a popular 90s soap opera.


Pregnant at 18. Hailed by Abortion Foes. Punished by Christian School. (NYT)

Thanks for deciding to have your baby–now get out! 

What do you get when you get into bed with anti-choice Christian hypocrites? YOU GET FUCKED! That’s what an unfortunate Christian School student in Maryland learned after she got pregnant. She went along with the doctrine of the school and didn’t pursue her right to an abortion. So as a punk-ass “thank you,” the school kicked her off the student council and barred her from graduation ceremonies. These “pro-life” dicks are shaming the very people they browbeat into believing their crap!

Time to FLAKE OUT!


After Donald Trump signed a bill into law that allowed states to deny Title X funding to family-planning centers that provide abortion, Arizona Senator Jeff Flake held a town hall where he tried to defend his support for the bill. And he got confronted by a 16-year-old girl who delivered a TOTAL SMACKDOWN.

You can watch it here, but the girl’s ass-kickery is too epic not to show in its entirety. Here’s what she said in full:

“Jeff Flake, my name is Deja Foxx and I’m a 16-year-old from Tucson. began. I just want to state some facts. So, I’m a young woman, and you’re a middle-aged man. I’m a person of color, and you’re white. I come from a background of poverty, and I didn’t always have parents to guide me through life. You come from privilege, so, I’m wondering, as a Planned Parenthood patient and someone who relies on Title X, who you are clearly not, why it’s your right to take away my right to choose Planned Parenthood and to choose no-co-pay birth control, to access that. So, if you can explain that to me, I would appreciate it.”

Game. Set. Match.

But Flake flustered back with some flakery about not being privileged and “What I want is to make sure that everyone can realize the American dream.” So right. He was saying “HIT ME ONE MORE TIME.” And Deja Foxx shot him back down with “Why would you deny me the American dream?” AND THE CROWD GOES NUTS!

It was a beautiful moment, but the actions that led up to it are typically ugly. H.J. Res 43 is  supported by Flake and was signed into law by Trump the very day that Deja out Foxxed Flake.  The bill allows states to deny Title X funding for things like cancer screenings and birth control to any organization or health care center that also provides abortion services.

The Title X program serves 36,000 people (the vast majority being poor women) just in Flakes’ state of Arizona, according to the Phoenix New Times. The Arizona Family Health Program estimates that, without Title X, the teen pregnancy rate in Arizona would increase by 22 percent while the rates of pregnancy, unplanned birth, and abortion would go up 27 percent.
What kind of Flake would want that sort of thing to happen? Senator Jeff Flake is rated at 100 percent by the National Right to Life Committee and 0 percent by NARAL, the National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League. SHEROS like Deja Foxx get a 100% rating from LPJL!

X Marks The Crock

Orange 45 just signed a bill into law that allows states to withhold federal Title X family planning funding to health facilities if they provide abortions.


It means that people seeking not only abortion care, but cancer screenings, STI testing, birth control and prenatal care will most likely not be able to access it in states that are ruled by anti-choice maniacs. COUGH – Matt Bevin (KY). COUGH – John Kasich (OH). COUGH – Greg Abbott (TX). Independent abortion providers and health facilities that happen to also provide abortions are going to suffer and who does this disproportionately affect the most? Low-income women of color and people without health insurance living in rural areas. This is discriminatory and so F*CKED UP!

What’s even more shitty about all of this is that federal money was NEVER ALLOWED TO FUND ABORTIONS ANYWAY because of the Hyde Amendment. Now even more millions of federal dollars could potentially be allocated to health facilities like Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPC’s), which are anti-choice ‘facilities’ that dissuade people from getting abortions and spread lies that end up hurting women. READ UP on these CPC’s – they are dangerous and may now be receiving YOUR tax dollars.

There are people being vocal about this horrible law.

The Executive Director of the Abortion Care Network (ACN), Nikki Madsen, writes, “Playing politics with these essential health services and reducing the number of clinics providing reproductive health care is unjust and means many people may not get the health care they need.”

Surprisingly, two republican senators voted against the original bill, but unsurprisingly, they’re both WOMEN. Sen. Susan Collins (ME) said, “We’re talking about federal family planning funds and I don’t think that those funds should be subjected to state restrictions.” Shout out to Sen. Lisa Murkowski (AK) who said that “men and women should have access to the family planning and reproductive health services they need, including cancer tests and health screenings.”

The President of Emily’s List (an organization supporting Democratic females for political office who support abortion), Stephanie Schriock, said “We won’t stand for it!”


So what is the biggest argument someone would have in favor for this decision? You might’ve heard the hit classic “MY TAXES SHOULDN’T PAY FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S ABORTIONS!” It has been topping the anti-choice billboard charts in red-states everywhere. BUT FACT TIME! Because of the Hyde Amendment, federal funds already cannot be used for abortion. Below is a special crash-course on it for your viewing pleasure (feel free to drop in the mentions of your favorite ‘abortion tax’ conspirator).

Following the recent news, Nikki Madsen from the Abortion Care Network wrote a quick piece that highlights MANY of the reasons allowing states to withhold Title X will be a nightmare.

SPOILER ALERT – if you’re young, rural, or a minority THE NIGHTMARE IS YOURS!

The clinics LPJL plans to visit during the ‘VAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR‘ are just a few of the many that will suffer substantially if their state accept B.I.C’s shit-bucket challenge. You can DONATE to the Tour so that we can provide them the best outreach and comedy show they’ve ever seen!

Payback’s a B*tch

It’s Payback Time! Maryland has become the first state to pass a law to reimburse Planned Parenthood if Congress defunds them!  

It’s time for the remaining pockets of sanity in this country to do whatever they can to counter the shitstorm coming out of Washington. And Maryland is showing the way.

The Republican governor of Maryland allowed a bill to become law without his signature (it had passed with more than enough support to override his veto anyway). The bill pledges $2 million from Maryland’s Medicaid budget and $700,000 for the state’s general fund toward sustaining family planning services at Maryland’s nine Planned Parenthood centers. We’re talking about preventative care for some 25,000 patients.

And it’s not just Maryland. Nevada has a bill in the works to guarantee access to 12-month supplies of birth control. Other proposed legislation in Nevada would require that health insurance programs cover contraceptives at no extra expense. And Nevada has it’s own plan to provide alternate funding for organizations like Planned Parenthood. Progressive lawmakers in Oregon are working on a raft of similar measures.

We all know that the political landscape is a post-apocalyptic wasteland. We need to safeguard and expand those few oases of enlightened progressivism that survive.

The White House is in the tiny, groping hands of a tangerine-toned pussy grabber.  Virtually the entire federal government has been taken over by regressive trogs. The Supreme Court is in danger of being slowly turned into an old boys club of wrinkled repression. And God knows that most state governments are locked down by even creepier cretins. We need to work with what we have and concentrate on growing that.
The bizarrely un-ironic theme song of the Trumpies during the campaign was “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” That’s fucking obvious at this point. But–working together wherever and whenever we can–we can still get what we need.


Last night, ON A MONDAY NIGHT (possibly so everyone would be caught up in The Bachelor on ABC – coincidence we think not), two House Committees released a GOP bill to “repeal and replace” The Affordable Care Act (ACA). The Ways and Means and the Energy and Commerce committees revealed a Republican bill that WE HAVE BEEN HEARING ABOUT FOREVER (ever since Obama released the ACA Republicans have been fighting against it offering no genuine alternative ideas or trying to find ways so make it work). The plan that would essentially reshape (make worse) the ACA is expected to go through many changes, drafts, arguments, fights, etc etc etc and then would need to get passed through the House and Senate before it gets signed by “The President.” Voting on parts of the bill is expected to start as early as Wednesday (tomorrow).

As previously threatened by Paul Ryan and the GOP, they have found a away to make abortion unattainable for many women with this new plan. In this bill, if a facility wants to be eligible to receive medicaid funds, it cannot provide abortion services. NOW WE ALL KNOW (despite the GOP’s continuous misinformation plan to tell the public otherwise) that since The Hyde Amendment was passed in 1976 no federal funding goes towards abortions. EVER. This bill is basically making it so women who have medicaid won’t be able to get paps, cancer screenings, birth control pills, etc., at clinics where abortions are being done. Essentially the government is saying (and Trump actually said directly to Planned Parenthood) stop providing abortions or get no money for anything. WHAT A FUCKING BUNCH OF SHIT BAGS.

This is such a helpful plan for lower income women right?! Their abortions already weren’t covered but now their local clinics can’t take medicaid for the exams or contraception either. Seems to us like more women will be getting pregnant and then won’t be able to get an abortion or prenatal care. Nicely done GOP! YOU ARE FUCKING WOMEN OVER.

It seems the bill will also make it incredibly expensive for private insurance companies to cover abortion as well which might push them to not cover the procedure all together. Once again the GOP is showing us that you don’t have to make something illegal if you just make it unattainable. Atta boys!

As we have draw closer and closer to the ACA actually being repealed more and more people who were previously against it are coming forward saying “Oh hey, maybe Obamacare wasn’t that bad. We are maybe changing our minds on that. AHAHAHAHA. Our bad.” Clench your buttholes, we’re about to get fucked.