LPJL Daily Takedown – July 12th, 2017

What’s Done in The Dark, Will Come to The Light (Because Mike Pence Will Tweet About It)

SECRET SUMMIT OF SUCK: Last week, Vice President and Resident Ghoul Mike Pence held a high-level meeting that was a virtual “Who’s Who” of the Anti-Abortion Hall of Shamelessness. There were movers and suckers from many of the major groups vying to infiltrate your uterus. One said, “We met with the Vice President to talk with him about our pro-life priorities for the healthcare bill.” So it should serve as a reminder that the P.O.S. “health care” bill the GOP is trying to force feed us will devastate reproductive rights, while depriving 22 million people of healthcare coverage (multi-anti-tasking!). But it won’t serve as a reminder of anything, because the event NEVER APPEARED on Pence’s daily schedule, was never formally announced, and the VP’s office refuses to answer questions about it, calling it “a private meeting” ABOUT PUBLIC POLICY – WITH THE VICE PRESIDENT! We only know about it from a photo tweeted so that the attendees could have a selfie of soullessness to send out! This health care bill is a disaster for everyone and even worse for abortion rights!


When It Comes to Accused Rapists, Betsy DeVos Says: “Let’s Hear Them Out!”

JESUS. FUCKING. CHRIST. Sorry if that isn’t exactly witty, but this story is about the Secretary of Education meeting with accused rapists to get their input. Yes, THIS IS HAPPENING. Betsy DeVos FINALLY agreed to meet with advocacy groups for survivors of sexual assault, but she also scheduled equal time for those accused of sexual assault. AGAIN—REALLY! DeVos is meeting with “men’s rights” groups and others with agendas that oppose domestic violence laws, sue to stop women-only networking events, and advocate for accused rapists and assaulters with “ruined futures.” One of them excused woman-beater Ray Rice by saying “if she hadn’t aggravated him, she wouldn’t have been hit.” Thanks so much for your thoughts! Would you be kind enough to educate a Trump Cabinet official on your findings?” Say it with us: “JESUS. FUCKING. CHRIST.”


Students Sue After High School Rejects Anti-Choice Glee Club

ASSAULT WITH A CLUB! That’s what a group of high schoolers want to do to their fellow students in Allentown, Pennsylvania. They wanted to bludgeon their classmates into moral purity with an anti-abortion club! Now they’re suing their school district because the district put some restrictions on fundraising and certain other activities. Ironically, the club was to be called “Trojans for Life,” even though one could assume that they frown on any contraceptive measures! And in any case, the estate of George Orwell owns the name “Junior Anti-Sex League.”


How Badly Does Texas Want to Get Rid of Abortion? “Cause More Abortions” Bad

BACKFIRE DEPARTMENT: File this under “What could possible go right?” After years of misguided and unconstitutional assaults on abortion rights in TEXAS, the number of teen abortions there has surged, even as it has dropped steadily elsewhere across America. Gee, who would have guessed that knee-capping a group called “Planned Parenthood” would lead to an increase in UN-PLANNED Parenthood!?! After Texas forcibly closed some 80 women’s health clinics, abortion rates for teenagers increased 3 percent, and those are just the reported cases. Also, in hard-hit rural areas, the increase was as much as 191 percent! Bottom line, attacking abortion rights doesn’t stop abortion, it just stops rights!


Life News Wants A Say in Your Uterus, and Melinda Gates’ Checkbook

NO GOOD DEED… goes un-lied about in the anti-choice, anti-woman tabloid media. Now they’re attacking Melinda Gates for generous and much-needed contributions to family planning across the globe – BECAUSE ABORTION. Gates has pledged an additional $375 million from her family’s foundation to providing effective family planning help to people in some of the world’s poorest countries. NOT A PENNY of Gate’s money is earmarked for abortion. But in the eyes of these nut-bags, any dollar spent helping anyone anywhere somehow translates to millions of “murdered babies.” You have to feel sorry for people whose hatred of reproductive rights is so extreme that it turns them against any and every effort to help people.



If you’re in Ohio there’s good news, and there’s bad news.

The bad news? Abortion access in your state is FUCKED. The good news? THE VAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR HAS LANDED IN CLEVELAND! If you’re in the area, come out to Mahall’s 20 Lanes TOMORROW! Lizz Winstead, Aida Rodriguez, Joyelle Johnson, and Buzz Off, Lucille are all ready to deliver some laughs followed by a powerful talkback so that you can become informed on the many ways to help out your local abortion provider!

LPJL Daily Takedown – July 7th, 2017

Hey, Anti-Abortion zealots- Thank you! I Just Added Medication Abortion to My Amazon Wish List!

REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS: RECOMMENDED FOR YOU! Thanks to bat-shit conservative lawmakers, this country is full a vast “abortion deserts” where people who need access to abortion are hopelessly TRAPped. Women have to drive hundreds of miles for medical care (if they can afford it), or they could have abortion services show up on their doorstep in a smiley face box. That’s right! Abortion-rights activists are working to have abortion-pill access expanded—eventually being available on Amazon… free delivery with Amazon Prime! Here are the pertinent facts: medication abortions are incredibly safe and effective, and close to 90 percent of the counties in America don’t have an abortion clinic. Imagine being able to bypass the screaming nut-jobs outside the abortion clinics! Home abortions may well be the wave of the future—and we have anti-choice shit-heels to thank for it. Be careful what you shriek for!


This Fucked Up Arkansas Bill Says: “Your Body, Everybody’s Choice”


Under a new rule in Arkansas, fetal tissue left over after an abortion would be considered the body of a “deceased” family member. Under existing Arkansas law, that means that family members related to the “deceased” have a say in what happens with the “body.” In the case of fetal tissues, that “family member” could be your spouse… or your rapist. If you’re under 18, your parents have a say. It all means that women would essentially need permission for an abortion from their sexual partner, their family members, or the person who assaulted them. This is part of the steady march of laws designed to give fetuses and embryos “personhood” status—while stripping away the personhood of those who become pregnant. And this crappy law takes it a step further by making fetal tissue a deceased “person!” If this law isn’t struck down, your Constitutional rights will be more disposable than the medical waste remaining after an abortion procedure.


Gov. Greitens Isn’t Done PaTROLLing Your Uterus

MO PROBLEMS: Lawmakers in MISSOURI just won’t stop their ongoing orgy of attacks on abortion rights. Now MO. Gov. Cretins – Oops, Gov. Greitens, is calling for even more abortion restrictions from the special session of the legislature that he called specifically to assault reproductive rights. He’s proposing T.R.A.P. laws while saying they aren’t TRAP laws. And he’s claiming that they’re not trying to pre-empt a St. Louis city ordinance that prohibits discrimination… after GOP lawmakers specifically described the move as pre-empting that St. Louis ordinance! They have to deny what they’re doing because it’s clearly unconstitutional. But it’s easy to see what these creeps are saying even when they’re talking out of both sides of their mouths.


Lady Parts Justice League has An Evil Twin – And They Have A “Tour”  Too!

TRAGICAL MISERY TOUR: Wow! The Vagical Mystery Tour has a bizzaro-world equivalent, and it’s coming to a busy intersection near you! If you’re not into the ‘Vagical’ approach of world-class funny people raising hell, raising awareness, and KICKING ASS, then maybe you’ll enjoy the Pro-Life Action League’s entertainment extravaganza. It’s more centered on assaulting unsuspecting drivers with graphic images of aborted fetuses. OK, it’s not funny, but you can’t beat the thrill factor of the traffic-safety fiasco! Check out the Vagical Mystery Tour in Detroit on Sunday. And just do your best to avoid these other lunatics.



Doors opened for the Vagical Mystery Tour in Indianapolis at 7pm and by 7:05, people were already bursting the balls of the Hoosier state’s shady hometown anti-choice thug.

Thank you to the cool AF staff at Hi-Fi Indy for being so helpful in making the night an unforgettable one!

ALSO! The latest NewsBusters hit piece on the Vagical Mystery Tour is more of a shit-piece. In yet another attempt to make us sound like crazed harpies, they actually just end up telling everyone that there’s a BAD-ASS, DIVERSE, and IN YOUR FACE comedy show for anyone who likes laughter and powerful voices for reproductive right – which admittedly isn’t anybody reading NewsBusters. Our only complaint is that they accidentally expanded Lizz’s resume by saying she’s a writer for Trevor Noah’s Daily Show. But hey, it’s hard to keep your facts straight when you lie for a living. Come out and see what they were talking about—Sunday July 9th in Detroit!

Is It About Your Religion? Or Is It About Your Tax Status?

A draft of a ‘Religious Freedom’ Executive Order has been leaked and is circulating the internet like a Wynona Ryder facial expression meme – it’s gone berserk.

The possible order would protect individuals and organizations from “violating their conscience” by essentially violating everyone else’s conscience. Convenient. The order would allow employers to discriminate against people based on their sexuality or gender identity and to deny coverage to their employees for contraception and abortions. It could also allow adoption agencies to discriminate against same sex couples and it would require the Justice Department to enforce it.

Besides the absolute un-American and hateful horror of this, there are many layers of bile at work here that need to analyzed:

  • We remember when Trump was elected he said he would not overturn same-sex marriage, an Executive ‘Religious Freedom’ Order would be a way to do that from another direction.
  • We know Trump isn’t really a fan of actual Religious Freedom due to the extreme vetting he is pushing for Muslims. Can big papa say HYPOCRITE?!
  • Studies show that 6 out of 10 people in the US who identify as religious actually support same sex marriage and are against religious freedom bills. So who really wants this to happen?! (See below, we do have a few ideas.)
  • When Pence was Governor of Indiana and signed a Religious Freedom Act for his state he became so unpopular that he was not going to be voted back in (good thing he became Vice President instead).
  • The draft — which again is just proposed and not YET official —mentions that it would protect the tax exempt status of religious organizations AND/OR private organizations that identify as religious. SO (and until it comes out this cannot be confirmed) it seems there’s a possibility that this EO would give tax exempt status to organizations that wanted to say they were religious and then not cover birth control or a same sex spouse’s healthcare. SO, a possibility is that big money is ‘who’ wants this EO passed — not actual religious people.
  • On the same note, Donald Trump has also said that he would like to lift the IRS rule which states that pastors cannot endorse political candidates (or they lose their tax exempt status). If this rule was actually overturned people could donate to a church and in turn would be donating to a political party. Nope! Nope! Nope! Not kosher!

We instated the separation of church and state for a reason! We can’t have people’s religious leaders on the take for a candidate. That’s why we left England y’alls! REMEMBER! (In case you didn’t get to see Hamilton yet that’s an actual thing that happened.) AND our constitution ALREADY protects everyone’s religious freedoms; it’s a tenant of what it means to be American. If your religious freedom means denying your employees access to birth control (and not Viagra mind you) or not serving pizza to someone you think is gay, that’s not religious freedom, that’s just you being an asshat.

So while a bastardized notion of religious freedom is whipping Kim Davis types (you know, those who won’t do their job and give out marriage licenses because of some misguided ‘ideal’ but have been divorced 975 times themselves) up into a storm, the big boys are probably just looking at a lot of tax breaks. Nicely done.

Let us remember that the cornerstone of most major religions is love and compassion not claiming religious freedom in order to judge others (in fact that’s actually a big religious no-no). Happy Fucking Valentine’s Day.

Marching Odors

It just didn’t grab me.

Compared to the vibrant and historic Women’s March on Washington last week, the March for Life held two days later was a relatively lifeless affair. Why, it wasn’t even exciting with Mike “Partytime” Pence pumping the crowd.

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It’s not just that it was a lot smaller (the Washington, DC Metro said that ridership was typical for a normal Friday). Hell, we wouldn’t even mention size if a certain tiny-handed someone didn’t have a serious case of crowd-size envy.

And it wasn’t just that the joyful celebration of womanhood and righteous resistance of the Women’s March had been replaced by uptight angry paranoia, as pussy hats gave way to tinfoil headgear.

It was the blatant in-your-uterus hypocrisy of holding a “March for Life” endorsed by a new regime of open hostility to most non-fetal life on earth. It was a great day for zygotes, but not so much for immigrants, Muslims, LGBT people, minorities, the disabled, and–ironically enough–especially not for women.

Within hours of the “March for Life,” there was an executive order shutting the door on helpless refugees. Where were the lovers of snowflake babies then?

And another thing — these shit-sucking douche-faucets say we’re crude. There a lot of indignant outrage at the pussy-themed costumes and signs at the Women’s March. Mike Huckabee called the marchers “vulgar” and railed about women “dressing up in public as women’s genitals.” Yeah, Mike — somebody should have grabbed them.

Yes, we have better marches. But right now they’ve got the political inside track. Despite the fact that 59% of Americans support abortion rights, the antis are positioned to create a Supreme Court majority to overturn Roe.
We need to organize more than marches — and Lady Parts Justice League is here to help.

Shit, Meet Fan

We hope you’re over the initial shock of the election, because we all need to brace for the continuing shock of the consequences of the election. Welcome to four years of WTF. This is gonna get ugly. But the best way to get through it is to fight back. To do that, we need to have a good idea of what’s coming at us. It’s not a short list.

On the state level, anti-abortion nutballs in the usual states are already lining up to take advantage of the coming Trump-sturm. In Texas (OF COURSE!), Republicans are readying two bills to decimate abortion rights there. One mandates that aborted fetuses be given burials or cremation, and another bans abortion for fetal anomalies after 20 weeks. Not to be outdone, Indiana, having given us the ticking anti-choice bomb that is Mike Pence, is planning a total abortion ban. Pennsylvania and other states are also ready to join the crazy train.

When abortion rights are destroyed in the states, women of means can still–as Der Trump so helpfully pointed out–go to “other states.” But poor women will be left with nothing but the back alleys and coat hangers that were part of the dim past that Trump is so psyched to resurrect.

On the national level, as we pointed out right after the election, the Groper-In-Chief is only too happy to sacrifice women’s reproductive rights to zealots like Mike Pence. Trump has already promised to sign a full nationwide ban on abortions after 20 weeks. One of his top priorities is to repeal the Affordable Care Act, which provides free access to birth control. That’s not to mention defunding Planned Parenthood, codifying the Hyde Amendment, and the whole conservative nutsack shitlist.

And Trump is virtually certain to put in place Supreme Court justices who would just be biding their time until they had a chance to gut or even overturn Roe v Wade. And if that happens, most women in this country would be crushed by falling dominoes–15 states have laws that automatically lock in abortion bans if Roe goes. Only 7 states have laws that would specifically protect abortion rights if Roe gets overturned.

OK, sorry for the crappy forecast, but if there’s gonna be a shitstorm, you’re gonna want to be prepared. And gloom doesn’t mean doom… if we fight to maintain the light. Roe v Wade has been settled law for 40 years now. Even crazy justices have an inclination to respect precedent, especially when it’s bolstered by public opinion. That’s where you come in: Stay involved, stay in touch, stay safe.



As America digs in to try and survive our coming Orange Night of the Soul, it’s important to take a long and sober look at what some 47 percent of us have gotten us into. Donald Trump is so wrong for so many reasons that, a week after his election, we’re just getting around to just how wrong he is on abortion… and we’re an abortion rights organization.

He dropped a few smelly hints during his post-election interview with 60 Minutes. Although he concedes that gay marriage is “already settled,” saying “It’s law. It was settled in the Supreme Court. I mean it’s done,” after last year’s SCOTUS decision, he doesn’t seem to believe the same thing about Roe v Wade, which was settled in 1973.

Here’s what he told 60 Minutes:

“If [Roe v. Wade] ever were overturned, it would go back to the states,” Trump said.

60 Minutes’ Leslie Stahl followed up: “But then some women won’t be able to get an abortion?”

“Yeah, well, they’ll perhaps have to go — they’ll have to go to another state,” Trump said.

“And that’s okay?” Stahl asked.

“Well, we’ll see what happens,” Trump said. “It’s got a long way to go.”

Translation: WHO GIVES A F**K? Lift yourselves up by your pussies for all I care. I have a wall, er a fence to build.

So where does Donald Trump really stand on abortion rights? Over the years, he has been everything from “very pro-choice” to insisting that a woman should be punished for seeking an abortion. HERE’S THE TRUTH:

It’s obvious from Trump’s statements to 60 Minutes there that he has absolutely no idea–and absolutely no empathy–for what life is like for a vulnerable pregnant person, who can’t oh, hop on a private plane to have a destination abortion in Napa. in fact, many people can barely afford the procedure itself, never mind the daycare, time off of work and already burdensome travel costs that his anti choice advisers have put in place.  

What can you expect from Trump given the anti abortion zealots he has surrounded himself with to shape his abortion policies.  His own views about abortion may be shallow, but combine his own stupidity on this issue and willingness to spew gruesome lies in order to score votes from evangelicals, he yet again sold out women to zealots like Mike Pence–a man who has built a career on trying to deny reproductive rights, including state-mandated funerals for aborted fetuses, and “advisor”  Troy Newman, who has called for the execution of abortion providers, blamed 9/11 on abortion, and been banned from the country of Australia because his anti-abortion extremism put him on Australia’s terrorist watch list. Forget what Donald Trump believes–what’s important is what Trump will do, and the best indicator of that is the type of people he surrounds himself with.

Reproductive rights aren’t rights unless they’re accessible, for EVERYONE- including poor people and people of color who cannot surmount the economic barriers that abortion opponents put in their path.

The bottom line is that Donald Trump gives two shits about abortion. Unfortunately, the corollary to that is that he gives two shits about abortion rights. He long ago decided to throw women under the bus in order to curry favor with social conservatives… and because he probably likes the idea of women under a bus. If you don’t like the view from there, stick with Lady Parts Justice League as we begin the long hard fight to take the wheel of the bus back.

Could We Possibly Show Less Respect?

There has been a lot of talk about Indiana’s new abortion bill that was signed by Gov. Mike Pence last Thursday. The bill, one of the most restrictive in the US to date, is loaded with lots of ways to make an abortion almost impossible get, even though it is still technically legal. Way to work it, guys!

Now, the different parts of this bill are all important to discuss, but today we want to take a moment to really focus on one aspect: making a woman pay for the funeral of a fetus after an abortion OR miscarriage. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?!?!

Cruelty. Thy name is ‘woman hating.’

This is straight up emotional torture BESIDES being also financially back breaking. We have no idea why a woman is getting her abortion; it is not our business. We don’t know what she went through, what she’s going through, but let’s make sure we find the least compassionate, most horrific thing we can do to her AND THEN make sure she spends lots of money doing it. Did you take a terror tactics class from the CIA, Pence?

We can’t even wrap our minds around it. We flew by insensitivity, ran past anti-personal freedom, continued sprinting by flat out misogyny and ended up at mid-evil. It’s evil evil.

Traumatizing people emotionally, this bill is also capitalizing on our lack of knowledge about how medical professionals dispose of everything that happens after a procedure. Across the board, for every kind of medical event, people have to sterilize and dispose. It’s just what happens. Can we not make it into something bigger than it is please?! Can we just leave medicine to the doctors and their patients? Mike Pence – can you please get out of our vaginas?!