THE STATE OF REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS IN THE STATE OF MICHIGAN

Welcome to the post-complacency world! The bad news is that it’s totally fucked up. The good news is that we can change that. We have to. We don’t have the luxury of not giving a shit.

There’s no place better to totally give a shit than Detroit, Michigan. It’s the first stop in the Vagical Mystery Tour’s post-Kavanaugh nomination-this-will-NOT-happen incarnation. And the State of Reproductive Rights in the State of Michigan has a lot to tell us about why we NEED to stop this Supreme Court appointment.

For starters, Michigan has the whole ugly slate of laws and rules designed to harass and torment clinics and patients alike. There’s a 24 hour waiting period that forces patients to make two trips to the provider. They have TRAP laws with unnecessary standards for facilities, and requirements for transfer agreements with hospitals. Telemedicine is prohibited ONLY for abortion services.

And the state of Michigan each year diverts some $400,000 in Temporary Assistance for Needy Families money toward FAKE “crisis pregnancy centers”—the LAST thing needy families need! Ugliest of all, Michigan requires you to buy a special “rape insurance” rider if you want necessary abortion services covered by insurance. Have fun talking to your broker about that!

Oh, and the Michigan anti-choice nuts are joining with anti-vaxxer bigger nuts! Republicans in the legislature are pushing a bill to try and use “informed consent” to scare people away from vaccinating their kids with vaccines made from what they call “aborted fetal tissue.” Some vaccines may contain what vaccine experts say is “perhaps billionths of a gram” of DNA fragments descended from cultures culled from legally aborted fetuses over 50 years ago! As much occurs in the fruits and veggies we eat! Really.

Already, 86% of counties in Michigan, accounting for 40% of the population, have no provider. And Michigan is one of the few states where abortion numbers are going up. That’s partly because neighboring Ohio is even crazier in its attacks on abortion rights. From 2010 to 2015, the number of abortions performed on out-of-staters in Michigan more than doubled. That’s just a taste of the panicked abortion travelers you’d see if a Kavanaugh court ever overturned Roe v. Wade.

And what you’d see in Michigan if Roe v. Wade gets tossed is a virtually TOTAL AND COMPLETE BAN ON ABORTION. IMMEDIATELY! That’s because Michigan’s anti-abortion law is still on the books, despite being made unconstitutional by Roe v. Wade. If Roe v. Wade goes, that law, dating back to 1931, rises from the dead like a zombie that feasts on human rights.

THAT is what is at stake in this confirmation fight! THANKS for making that clear, MICHIGAN! We’re here for you, we’re here for us, and we’re here for good!

Kavanaugh? How about Kava-not-so-fast, motherfucker!

LPJL Daily Takedown – June 23, 2017

Walk A Mile In My Surgical Booties!

The Bold Italic takes you inside an abortion clinic to meet the SHEROES and HEROES and just plain folk who work to provide abortion services. We all appreciate the harassment and threats they face down, but it’s SUPER to hear them talking about the rewards and challenges of a job that HELPS PEOPLE! Much RESPECT and LOVE!

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What David Daleiden Wants, David Daleiden Doesn’t Get.

SUCKS, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE: Professional video creeper David Daleiden just got SMACKED DOWN in his attempt to disqualify a judge considering contempt charges against him. Daleiden is head of the phoney Center for Medical Progress, an outfit created to make those disgusting doctored Planned Parenthood videos. He faces contempt charges for violating a court order not to release his unethical doctored videos. In a weak attempt to challenge the ruling,  Daleiden filed a complaint that the judge should be disqualified because his wife “liked” Facebook posts from abortion rights groups! JEEZUS! Even the bogus legal challenges of these shits are sexist! Good news is the state was like..

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Here’s Eight Michigan Mayors Who Think The GOP Should Keep their MITTS Off Of Planned Parenthood

DON’T DEFUND—DEFEND!!! Some GOOD NEWS—8 MICHIGAN mayors have joined 98 other mayors of cities all over America in signing a letter to the jackals in Washington telling them to keep their paws off Planned Parenthood! PP would be defunded under the medieval “healthcare” plan the Senate is trying to force on us. The 6-page letter touts all the good that Planned Parenthood does, from breast and cervical cancer screenings to testing for STI’s and HIV to providing birth control. We need more local officials to speak up! Thanks, Mayors! CITY HALL FIGHTS FOR YOU!

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9-1-1 What’s Your Emergency?” – “Help! Matt Bevin is Doing Shit!

THIS 9-1-1 IS A JOKE! Political skid mark Governor Matt Bevin has filed “emergency” regulations blatantly intended to shut down Kentucky’s ONLY remaining abortion clinic. The rules are a bunch of the same old “admitting privileges” crap that paleo-states are always foisting on clinics. Bevin isn’t even trying to be subtle about it. The only thing worse than a TRAP law is a bogus EMERGENCY TRAP law. Help LPJL help Kentucky fight back, and come to our show in LOUISVILLE on July 22!

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You Can Call it “INHUMAN Resources” Thanks to Governor Eric Greitens

MORE MISSOURI MISERY: Say that 10 times fast—because that’s how often Missouri is in the news lately for doing maximum FUCKHOLERY to reproductive rights. The latest MO problems are going down in a special session of the legislature JUST to fuck with abortion rights! The state senate has just passed a bill to slap clinics with more TRAP-CRAP … oh, and to allow landlords and employers to deny you housing or work if they don’t like you using birth control. Get your mind around that quick, because THERE WILL BE MORE. But LPJL will be in St. Louis this June 29 to help say NO, MO!

LPJL Daily Takedown – June 20th, 2017

“We Need Your Parent’s permission” – The Most Insensitive Way to Handle a Foster Child’s Abortion

THE (FOSTER) PARENT TRAP: For foster kids who want an abortion, the phrase “We need your parent’s permission” may be the worst thing they could hear. “Parental involvement” laws in many states are designed to make it harder for young people to access abortion care. In the case of foster kids, they make it near impossible. The quarter million girls in the foster care system are twice as likely to become pregnant than those outside the system. While 30 percent of teen pregnancies end in abortion, for foster kids who get pregnant, the number is 5 percent. That reflects the extra difficulties they face. Parental consent laws are cruel to any young person with troubles at home, but even more so to foster kids.

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The Iowa State Board is Going in Reverse and Only Running Over People in Need of Abortion

CHICKEN HAWKEYES! Thanks a lot, IOWA! The CHICKEN SHIT Council on Human Services just put the bus in reverse, threw abortion rights under it, and rolled right over them! We told you last week that the Council had bravely refused to implement rules that prohibit Medicaid patients from getting ANY care at ANY clinic where abortions are performed. The rules make contraceptive and other care harder to get for poor and rural people. For some reason, now they’ve done a 180 and approved the rules. Just when Iowa was finally facing the right direction, they drive backwards!

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Bubbles Are Getting in the Way of Harassing Women

BURSTING THE PROTECTIVE BUBBLE: The City of CHICAGO just decided that it was too mean with its “Bubble Rule.” That rule asked the SHRIEKING LUNATICS outside of abortion clinics to spit and scream at least 8 feet away from the patients they’re terrorizing. Now Chicago has settled a lawsuit by the anti-choice screamers. The city will “re-educate” cops on how to enforce the “Bubble Rule.” No more will PONTIFICATING PISSANTS be inconvenienced as they harass people seeking medical care. Of course, those dickweeds are free to keep on living in their own bubble of self-righteousness.

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“HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY STOLE MAH CROSSES!”

TRAILER TRASHED: Well this is a grand theft! A thief stole a trailer full of 4,000 plastic and wooden crosses that Arkansas Right To Life uses to try and shame those seeking abortions. The crosses represent the 4,000 abortions they say are performed daily in the US. We want to help, so we wrote a flyer for them:

LOST: Trailer full of cheap, misused religious symbolism used to harass and shame innocent women. If found, return to PURITANICAL FUCKS who want to control everyone else’s lives.

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Trust Mich-ues!

PLATE OF CRAP: Michigan lawmakers theocrats passed a bill for an anti-abortion license plate to benefit anti-choice weasels. But after two weeks, they still haven’t sent it to Governor Rick Snyder for signature. Word is they don’t trust Snyder not to veto the bill. The Snide-ster ran as “pro-life” but he’s been insufficiently intolerant for the rabid Republican wolves. He actually once vetoed a bill that would have denied abortion access to victims of rape and incest. FOR SHAME! Rick Snyder has gotten his share of criticism. But if anti-choice assholes don’t trust him… well at least that’s one thing he has going for him.

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Nothing factual has ever started with the words “Maybe it has something to do with…”

DECLINE AND FAIL! Nothing factual has ever started with the words “Maybe it has something to do with…” And of course you’ll find those exact words in a Washington Examiner shit-piece about the sharp decline in the number of abortions in the US. Now, the CDC (SCIENCE!) says the decline is due to expanded insurance coverage of contraceptives including more effective long-lasting birth control methods. But according to the Examiner op-ed (by anti-choice nut-chump Frank Pavone), “Maybe it has something to do with…” the lies and deceptions of Crisis Pregnancy Centers!” (Not his exact words.) Oh, and “Of course, we cannot ignore the impact of peaceful pro-life prayer vigils outside abortion facilities.” YOU STUPID SHIT. Abortion rates are down because women are taking control of their own bodies and avoiding pregnancy, not because of the lies coming from righteous douchenozzles like you.

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VAGICAL UPDATE!

It’s Iowa City’s turn! The LPJL team spent the day at the Emma Goldman Clinic for both a pizza party lunch and a Tuesday morning gardening shesh! Now it’s time for some laughs, some music, and some RESISTANCE! The Vagical Mystery Tour is trending all over! LPJL’s very own Lizz Winstead recently spoke with Zerlina Maxwell & Jess McIntosh on Sirius XM Progress about the Tour as we hit the halfway mark!

Daily Takedown – 5/30/17

White House Acts to Roll Back Birth-Control Mandate for Religious Employers  

(NY Times)

Birth control policy OUT OF CONTROL! It looks like you can forget the Obamacare BIRTH CONTROL MANDATE. We’re back to MAN CONTROL over whether you give BIRTH under Trump. The White House is rolling back ACA requirements for contraceptive coverage, and it’s rolling them right over your rights. It’s all part of Trump’s suck-up to religious crusaders like Frank Pavone who consider birth control to be a “grave evil.” We take it that Frank is not a person of childbearing age.

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Trump appointees twist facts, deny science (St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

Trump appointees FLUNK SCIENCE. It doesn’t take much research to discover that the Trump administration is stocking the Department of Health and Human Services with whackjobs who deny basic science. As the St. Louis Post-Dispatch points out in an editorial–two of Trump’s top picks don’t even believe that birth control works… and that abortion causes breast cancer. Sounds like somebody needs A BIG “F”!

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Breaking Down Senate Bill 8, Texas’ Newest Anti-Abortion Law 

(Dallas Observer)

THE HATEFUL 8… Texas’s Senate Bill 8 is a hate fest that targets abortion providers. It requires all fetal tissue be given burial or cremation, bans fetal tissue donation, and outlaws the safest, most common second-trimester abortion procedure–with no exceptions for rape or incest. Texas SB 8 should be considered a hate crime against women.

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Editorial: Anti-abortion agenda limits birth control

(Des Moines Register)

Hard-Hearted Heartland. Anti-abortion lawmakers in Iowa are endangering women’s lives and cutting off access to birth control in their crusade to defund Planned Parenthood. In this TAKEDOWN of their own, the Des Moines Register showed how Iowa forced the shutdown of Planned Parenthood clinics around the state by refusing to accept federal family planning money. That left their 15,000 patients (including over 2,000 under age 21) without everything from contraceptives to cancer screenings. “Pro-life” is life-threatening in Iowa.

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Laura Ingraham and her joyless henchmen are SHOCKED! SHOCKED! that humans reject their JUDGY SHAME PATH! (Do Not Link It)

They seem baffled by polling that shows Americans approve of things like gay relationships and Constitutionally-guaranteed abortion rights. It’s all about America and Family Values, bitches!

LPJL Daily Takedown – 5/26/17

  Republican Lawmaker Advocates “STERILIZING Women As A Condition For Receiving Food Stamps”

(Democratic Moms)

This AZ-HOLE wants to force women to CHOOSE BETWEEN FOOD AND FERTILITY! Former Arizona lawmaker Russell Pearce says “we need to limit food stamp access to women who have been sterilized,” because “that’s the only way of separating the ones who are willing to work for food from those who aren’t.” Human gila monster Pearce was the author of the notorious anti-immigrant “Papers Please” law in Arizona. Now he also wants to block anyone from entering Arizona through a poor person’s birth canal! Russell Pierce doesn’t just want to occupy your uterus, he wants to shut it down.

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Kansas Houses passes bill requiring women get more information before an abortion

(The Kansas City Star)

KANSAS SHITTY! ”Transparency” bill is transparently bullshit. Kansas lawmakers think women are idiots–they’re foisting a modified trap law on them under the guise of giving them more “information.” The bill requires that women who want an abortion first be told routinely available information like what year a doctor got their degree or even if they’re a Kansas resident. And it MUST BE on white paper with black ink in 12-point New York Times font! Because ladies can’t handle Calibri! This is about harassing providers, not protecting women.

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Anti-abortion license plate now only needs Snyder’s OK 

(Detroit Free Press)

IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU’RE CLOSE TO LOSING YOUR RIGHTS. Now Douchebags in Michigan can proclaim their douchebaggery right on their license plate! A bill waiting to be signed by the governor will give drivers the option of a “Choose Life” license plate–which is more choice than the “Choose Life” bigots would give women. Oh, and the proceeds from the plates end up on the plate of anti-abortion groups including “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” that lie to pregnant women and girls about what they do. Now Michigan lets drivers FUND A FUCKWAD!

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Hot take! Mock facts to push your fact-less patriarchy!

NEWS-BLUSTER– The bluster-fucks at Newsbusters are out with their trademarked combo of mockery and mock facts. This time they want to belittle and deride the fact that–in the richest country in the world–the maternal death rate has gone up over the last 25 years. It’s been shown that one of the main reasons is lack of access to healthcare, including abortion care. But the Bluster-Fucks would rather mock the experts who call out their lies because facts have such an annoying way of derailing crossing things off of their creepy Handmaid’s Tale bucket-list.

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This is what it looks like when you look outside of yourself and take a stand so women won’t die. We should take a page from Chile. 

(Deutsche Welle)

Pushing back all over the world! If you want some inspiration about continuing to resist when things are bad, take a look at the She-roes who are leading the fight for abortion rights in Chile. Chile is one of six countries where abortion is illegal FOR ANY REASON, including rape, fatal fetal deformities, or even to save the life of the mother. This is what it’s like when you look outside of yourself and take a stand so women won’t die–no matter how dire the circumstances. Thank you, Chile!

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#VagicalMysteryTour Update!!

Check out this vid and read about last week’s trip to Fort Worth! We’re thrilled that we got to help beautify Whole Woman’s Health, perform alongside hilarious comics, host a talkback with Shift. and Tea Fund, and connect over 80 people with these amazing organizations! Next stop: Atlanta. Ya’ll ready for this?

Sodomy? You Barely Know Me!

POD_021016For a state shaped like a fist, Michigan is pretty squeamish about sex.

 

The Michigan Senate has just passed a bill that makes oral or anal sex a felony punishable by up to 15 years in prison… which is not really the place to send a person if you truly want to break their sodomy habit.

 

Michigan is one of a dozen states that still has a sodomy ban on the books, despite a 2003 Supreme Court ruling that made such laws unconstitutional. Many of those states’ laws solely target gay sex, but Michigan makes sodomy a crime for anyone–which is kind of admirable in a weird way.

 

The Michigan law also lumps sodomy in with bestiality, making it a felony to engage in “…the abominable and detestable crime against nature with mankind or with any animal.” It kind of sounds like the Michigan sodomy law was written by the same person who wrote Leviticus.  

 

Oh, and the punishment can be life in prison if the offender is a “sexually delinquent person.” So at the very least,  do be prompt with your sodomizing.

 

No, Michigan wasn’t suddenly seized by a sodomy surge–in case you have a Google alert for that. Michigan Senator Rick Jones was updating the law to ban convicted animal abusers from owning pets, and he realized that any attempt to delete the now unconstitutional sodomy part would only cause problems: “I would rather not even bring up the topic, because I know what would happen. You’d get both sides screaming and you end up with a big fight that’s not needed because it’s unconstitutional.” In other words, a lot of Michigan legislators are afraid to have a vote on record to decriminalize oral and anal sex. Well, it’s no good if people are uptight, anyway.

 

So the Michigan State Senate has kept Michiganders safe from the “sins of Sodom.” Now that this important issue has been addressed, maybe they can arrange for Flint to get some safe drinking water…