Fighting Zombie Laws (Shirts Optional)

Canada is really close to becoming a total Anne Hathaway. Like, we get it, you’re perfect and know how to shake hands. But now Canada is fighting “zombies” and tbh, they’re one shirtless prime minister pic away from us finding a new country-crush because it’s all too many feels.

Zombie Laws are outdated laws that remain on the books despite being struck down in court and being totally unenforceable.  Some of these insane bans they’re looking to chainsaw out of the books include:

  • Water-skiing at night (What?!)
  • Vagrancy
  • Duelling
  • Crime comics
  • Fraudulently pretending to practice witchcraft (seriously.)

One of these totally outdated laws is…a ban on abortion.  Yup, not only does Canada have total legal abortion with zero restrictions, they’re also taking a machete to any remaining zombie grip that references banning abortion.

It’s hard not to view this late night water-ski dueling paradise as a brochure for moving to Canada. While they axe every remaining law banning abortion from record we’re in the US fighting 6-week abortion bans and a constant fear of the Pence Posse overturning Roe v Wade. So while the image of a dashing Justin Trudeau beheading zombies is appealing, we have our own zombies to fight.

 

DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT ‘TIL IT’S GONE

Last night, ON A MONDAY NIGHT (possibly so everyone would be caught up in The Bachelor on ABC – coincidence we think not), two House Committees released a GOP bill to “repeal and replace” The Affordable Care Act (ACA). The Ways and Means and the Energy and Commerce committees revealed a Republican bill that WE HAVE BEEN HEARING ABOUT FOREVER (ever since Obama released the ACA Republicans have been fighting against it offering no genuine alternative ideas or trying to find ways so make it work). The plan that would essentially reshape (make worse) the ACA is expected to go through many changes, drafts, arguments, fights, etc etc etc and then would need to get passed through the House and Senate before it gets signed by “The President.” Voting on parts of the bill is expected to start as early as Wednesday (tomorrow).

As previously threatened by Paul Ryan and the GOP, they have found a away to make abortion unattainable for many women with this new plan. In this bill, if a facility wants to be eligible to receive medicaid funds, it cannot provide abortion services. NOW WE ALL KNOW (despite the GOP’s continuous misinformation plan to tell the public otherwise) that since The Hyde Amendment was passed in 1976 no federal funding goes towards abortions. EVER. This bill is basically making it so women who have medicaid won’t be able to get paps, cancer screenings, birth control pills, etc., at clinics where abortions are being done. Essentially the government is saying (and Trump actually said directly to Planned Parenthood) stop providing abortions or get no money for anything. WHAT A FUCKING BUNCH OF SHIT BAGS.

This is such a helpful plan for lower income women right?! Their abortions already weren’t covered but now their local clinics can’t take medicaid for the exams or contraception either. Seems to us like more women will be getting pregnant and then won’t be able to get an abortion or prenatal care. Nicely done GOP! YOU ARE FUCKING WOMEN OVER.

It seems the bill will also make it incredibly expensive for private insurance companies to cover abortion as well which might push them to not cover the procedure all together. Once again the GOP is showing us that you don’t have to make something illegal if you just make it unattainable. Atta boys!

As we have draw closer and closer to the ACA actually being repealed more and more people who were previously against it are coming forward saying “Oh hey, maybe Obamacare wasn’t that bad. We are maybe changing our minds on that. AHAHAHAHA. Our bad.” Clench your buttholes, we’re about to get fucked.

Your Sexual History Used Against You?! Is This Fake News?!

We here at Lady Parts Justice League had a document slide across our desk this morning. It is an unverified memo, seemingly from the U.S. Department of Justice—Civil Rights Division. We are trying to find out if the letter is legitimate. We have not found a single news line mentioning it; however our source is someone we trust. We’re putting this forward to anyone we know who is in the media, a researcher or perhaps even in government to help us figure out if this is real as it has some pretty scary proposals to Title IX. If it’s not true we don’t want to be filling people full of fear, but if it is, then this should be front page news! We hope it’s not. Take a look at this document, but be sure to have a tissue handy because it will make your eyes bleed.

Since people don’t always want to read things that primarily only affect women, here is a quick run through of what the letter contains (not you, you care about women, we’re just feeling burned). The memo is discussing alleged horrific changes to Title IX about how sexual assault cases will be handled on campuses in the future (you know, cause they were already handling them so well they decided to mix it up and make it a little harder on the accuser).

The DOJ’s stated intention in this still unverified document is to protect “due process” but it becomes clear upon reading that the real goal is to make it more difficult for victims of sexual assault to come forward. (We hate using the term ‘victim’ but we don’t want to say ‘women’ either as it’s not solely women who are assaulted so for the purpose of this piece we’ll be using ‘victim’ while recognizing that that word has less agency than we intend. Saying only ‘accuser’ takes the actual crime out of it. In general people aren’t just walking around accusing for no reason, it’s in response to a thing that happened to them.) So whenever you see “due process” read PROTECT THE PENIS.

Among the policy changes this supposed memo is proposing, three points really jump out and grab our throats. Numero uno. “Every complainant’s sexual history, if relevant, may be introduced in the hearing.” EXCUSE YOU?!!! “If relevant” — go fuck yourself.  This goes by another name, it’s called shaming. Shaming someone so they won’t come forward because they’re afraid their entire past will be made public. As if someone having a sexual history means that they weren’t assaulted. This is back in time, witch burning, women shaming, bullshit!!! Maybe we should just ask our husband’s to glue our labia together before we leave the house. JK. JK. JK. Not all women are married, so maybe our dad’s can do it. JK. JK. JK. (No but for real, labia glue is actually a thing invented by a MAN!)

Another huge red raw angry flag in this alleged memo is it states that yes, of course schools must ensure that a hearing doesn’t further traumatize a victim, BUT they want to make sure going forward that it won’t interfere with the accused rights. I’m sure on the surface everyone is like, yeah, fair trail. But that’s not what this is. The accused gets a fair trail. We’ve all been living in this lacrosse team world. If you make something so vague as this an actual policy change it opens the door for bullying the accuser under the veil of protecting accused rights. (Take a hot second to wipe the eye blood.)

The last possible proposed change on this bullet to the head list states that reviewing the case and the investigation must protect the rights of the accused. It does not say ‘protect the rights of the accused and the accuser,’ just the accused. This might as well be a tribute to the swimmer rape judge — let’s make sure some guy’s life isn’t ruined because he assaulted someone. Vomit. Vomit. Vomit. Even our labia are vomiting (thank goodness for pu$$y lips glue)!

Rape culture on campuses is already so prevalent and changes such as these would just make it even harder for victims to come forward and get justice. Keep a very wary whispering eye out! Are they trying to slide this by without anyone knowing? It doesn’t seem out of character for an administration led by a man who said “Grab them by the pussy” to be more worried about the rights of the accused than the victim. When shit like this comes out we need to find out if it’s true so we can take immediate action! Is the DOJ is making college campuses less safe?! WE ARE ON THE HUNT TO FIND OUT! Please join us, like, immediately.

HR-7: A Hulked Out Hyde

With a vote of 238 to 183, the house passed HR-7 (formerly known as the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion and Abortion Insurance Full Disclosure Act of 2017”) on Tuesday, bringing some seriously scary legislation closer to the desk of our decidedly anti-woman Commander in Chief.

HR-7 has us scared because it is a direct assault on low-income women and their ability to access abortions. It’s like the Hyde Amendment (which we broke down in a video at the end of last year) — only bigger and way more permanent.

While the Hyde Amendment is a budget rider that has to be renewed each year, HR-7 would make the banning of federal funds for abortion coverage permanent — meaning it’d be a lot harder to repeal if the bill gets passed.

As our friends at NARAL outlined, HR-7’s consequences would be catastrophic for women (particularly low-income women and women of color) in ways that Henry Hyde could only have wet dreams about:

  • It bans coverage of abortion services for women insured by multi-state health plans under the ACA.
  • It would revive the Stupak-Pitts amendment which would “effectively ban abortion coverage” in the new health system.
  • It imposes tax penalties on small businesses that choose private health plans that cover abortion care.
  • Blocks coverage for low-income women, federal employees and D.C. residents by codifying even more anti-choice riders.
  • Requires health plans to give biased information — which they call “disclosures” — about abortion coverage and make these insurance plans mislead consumers about abortion coverage.
  • Under the bill abortions can’t be performed at any federally owned building or by a federal employee. The only exceptions to the restriction are in cases of rape, incest and if the woman’s life is at risk.
  • Abortion coverage can “not be purchased using matching funds required for a federally subsidized program, including a state’s or locality’s contribution of Medicaid matching funds.”

If this all seems scary and terrible to you, your instincts are correct. To make matters worse, 3 (THREE) Democrats in the House voted to pass this bill. Conveniently here’s their contact information:

Cuellar, Henry    TX 28th 

Twitter: @RepCuellar  Phone: 202-225-1640 (Other offices)

Lipinski, Daniel    IL 3rd     
Twitter: @RepLipinski Phone: (202) 225 – 5701 (Other Offices)

Peterson, Collin  MN 7th  

Twitter: @CollinPeterson Phone: (202) 225-2165 (other offices)

If these goons are from your district, please feel free to let them know how underwhelmed you are with their performance.

In the meantime and before it’s too late, look at the Senate vote and make sure your senators know how important it is to protect reproductive rights.

Want to know more about HR-7?Let one of LPJL’s feline friends give you more info about the trash fire legislation here.

Let’s Be the Generation That Ends Hyde #BeBoldEndHyde

Have you watched our new video about the history of the Hyde Amendment? Have you shared it with everyone in your life? Learn more and take action at AllAboveAll.org.

Watch more Lady Parts Justice League videos on Youtube. 

TRAP Law 101 Class

The biggest abortion case in 23 years is going before the U.S. Supreme Court on March 2nd and most people have absolutely no idea it’s happening! This decision will greatly effect access to abortion. Let me repeat. THIS DECISION WILL GREATLY AFFECT ACCESS TO ABORTION!

The case, Whole Woman’s Health V. Hellerstedt, will review a type of abortion regulation known as TRAP laws. (TRAP stands for Targeted Regulation of Abortion Providers!) TRAP laws unfairly regulate clinics with an end-goal of shutting them down.

TRAP law examples include: requiring abortion doctors to obtain admitting privileges at a nearby hospital (i.e. a woman needs a note from her local hospital —> many of which will not give “permission”) and mandate that abortion facilities meet the requirements of ambulatory surgical centers. More dangerous than abortions (statistically speaking, if you are into facts and those sort of things) is getting your wisdom teeth pulled. Do those facilities need to meet the standards of a surgical center?! No, they do not. (When they find teeth in a women’s vagina maybe they will start regulating dentists.)

What all this means is that although abortion is technically legal, restrictions on clinics make it nearly impossible and incredibly expensive to keep a clinic open. TRAP laws, mandatory waiting periods, and abortion bans are leaving women with fewer options and more challenges that ever for seeking abortions. Taking all of these different restrictions into account (a total of 49 states have compromised abortion access since 1973 when abortion became a legal constitutional right) we see the message to women loud and clear “YEAH YOU CAN HAVE AN ABORTION – GOOD LUCK TRYING TO FIND A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN GET ONE!”

SOOOOOOO for the month of February we here at Lady Parts Justice League are dropping a video a week explaining TRAP Laws and what is at stake. Think of it as a TRAP LAW 101 Class in the form of our favorite mode of expose —> POP CULTURE REFERENCES!!!

Today we are releasing our second video of the month showcasing America’s favorite pastime: reality shows about houses! Fixing houses! Finding new houses! Where in my house can I take away women’s right?! Wait, what….

So why is finding a home easier than getting a healthcare procedure?! Oh yeah, because of TRAP Laws! This is not your nana’s house huntin’! Follow Susan as she figures out what abortion clinic best fits with her finances and needs. It’s an abortion adventure on a budget. Check out ‘Clinic Hunters’!

P.S. Comparing women’s reproductive rights to reality shows about houses feels really creepy! IT’S TIME FOR US ALL TO BE SO CREEPED OUT that we get out there and say ‘NO MORE’! Pay attention, get your panties in a knot, vote, vote, vote, make noise, join the Lady Parts Justice League!

Watch more Lady Parts Justice League videos on Youtube. 

LPJ League’s “Do It Dudes” Do Abortion

It’s TRAP law Wednesday and that means it’s the day the Lady Parts Justice League releases a new video to raise awareness about TRAP laws —  the insidious anti-abortion regulations extremists are inserting into legislation all over the country. These laws result in closing down clinics and making access to abortion almost impossible for the most vulnerable.

Texas state senator Wendy Davis famously stood for 13 hours fighting them in 2013 but, alas, Texas held ‘em. Altogether, 24 states have passed these laws. But now, a Texas-based clinic is taking Wendy’s fight all the way to the Supreme Court.

On March 2nd, the Court will hear oral arguments in Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt, the biggest abortion case to reach SCOTUS in over 24 years. This case could change the face of abortion access in this country forever…and most people don’t even know that these laws exist or that this case is happening. So it’s a Big Fucking Deal.

ENTER the Lady Parts Justice League.

We are trying to drop knowledge leading up to the SCOTUS case through videos explaining these terrifying laws through our signature satirical lens.

This week, we put a twist on Buzzfeed’s “Try Guys,” the hit video series about three guys trying their hand at everything from UFC fighting to K-Pop dance moves. Our “Do It Dudes,” a similar trio of cis guys, use this whacky approach to show the difficulty in accessing something really real…like an abortion.

After all, what better way to explain the obstacles of abortion access in the United States than by showing what happens when dude-bros try to get an abortion. AMIRITE?!

So after you have a good laugh on us, get angry and visit our TRAP laws page to learn more about this shit-fuckery and what you can do to help #StopTheSham.

Watch more Lady Parts Justice League videos on Youtube. 

Watch LPJ League’s Tour of “Darbi’s Dream Clinic”

Lady Parts Justice League has spent February launching videos to highlight the problems with TRAP laws. Our final video in this series satirizes America’s favorite 11-inch, independent plastic woman in “Darbi’s Dream Clinic.”

Why Darbi? Well, let us tell ya…

In 2013, then Texas Senator Wendy Davis legendarily filibustered Texas TRAP laws for 13 hours. Those TRAP laws were later passed, but now they’re being challenged before the Supreme Court. On March 2nd, the Court will hear arguments in the Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt case, the most important abortion case in the past quarter century. Unfortunately, the lower court decision upheld the TRAP laws, so if the Scalia-less SCOTUS deadlocks 4-4, the outlook for clinics in Texas is still dire.

Wendy Davis’ fight against these laws had extremists destroying her private life, threatening her safety and publicly trying to shame her by referring to her as, “Abortion Barbie.”

In this video, LPJL decided to flip the script on that moniker by celebrating the idea of Abortion Barbie with our inspiring doll, “Darbi” who runs the best clinic in the world! One that is free of those burdensome and unnecessary TRAP laws that harm both clinics and patients!

We say, “Go, Darbi, Go!”

To learn more about the TRAP laws in this video, the case going before the Supreme Court, and how it affects YOU and your state, check out our TRAP laws page to learn more!

Watch more Lady Parts Justice League videos on Youtube.