LPJL Daily Takedown – July 14th, 2017

Reading Between the Lines, Cecile Richards, “What the actual f*ck with this latest healthcare bill?”

SENATE HEALTHCARE BILL MITCH-SLAPS AMERICA!  Mitch McConnell’s new healthcare bill is even more of a kick in the uterus than the previous version. As Planned Parenthood’s Cecile Richards points out, the denial of funding for PP causes as many as 15 percent of low-income and rural women to lose access to everything from cancer screenings to birth control. Oh, and it will mean that as many as 13 million women lose maternity care. Mitch McConnell promises a lot with his shitty bill, but the things it’s guaranteed to deliver are more undetected cancer and more unintended pregnancies—the circle of life, GOP style!


When Republicans Jump In Fetus-First, Women Drown.

BIRTHRIGHT”s AND WRONGS: Now you can see everything we’ve been telling you about presented in cinematic splendor in a new documentary called “Birthright: A War Story” from filmmakers Civia Tamarkin and Luchia Fisher. It’s all about the continuous war on abortion rights and how that translates to a war on women. As Tamarkin says in this Salon interview “if you keep pushing a fetus-first mentality, women are going to be punished.” And as we say every day, anti-choice forces are doling out that punishment all the time in every state of the union and in countries all over the world. GET WOKE!


All Roads Lead to Abortion, Even Losing Net Neutrality Would Lead to Attack on Repro Rights

NET LOSSES: Think your reproductive rights aren’t bound up, intertwined, and dependent on all your other rights? Google it while you still can. Losing net neutrality could cripple the struggle for abortion rights. It would leave those fighting to organize for your rights exposed to the whims of internet providers—and leave everyone’s personal data at risk. If corporate internet service providers have control over what’s on your phones and computers, then they’ll eventually have more control over everything from your data to your uterus! Net neutrality IS Free Speech IS Abortion Rights—let them take anything that’s yours and you could lose everything that’s yours!


Woke Bae Canada says abortion is a “tool to end poverty”

OH, CANADA! OH YES! Our northern neighbor seems totally WOKE just when lots of the US.. is dazed and confused by anti-choice fakery and fuckery. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s Minister of International Development, just called abortion “a tool to end poverty!!” Hear that, the rest of you FUCKING TOOLS down here? The Minister said we “have to give [women] the control over their lives. So we shouldn’t look at contraception as the objective. This is not the objective. This is only a tool to reduce poverty and inequality and to make an impact in terms of development and peace and security in the world.” It’s what we’ve always said—ABORTION RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS. While the bloated yak that controls this country imposes global gag orders denying poor women reproductive autonomy, at least there are pockets on the North American continent where a little sanity survives. THANK YOU, CANADA!


Who Should Decide if I Get an Abortion: Me, myself, and..my family, my rapist, and my local law enforcement?

RAZORBACKWARDS! The ARKANSAS legislature seems to be running neck in neck in a race with neighboring nut-jobs in Missouri to see who can move backwards on abortion rights. Right now arguments are being heard in a court case over four unconstitutional anti-choice laws recently puked out by Arkansas lawmakers. The laws ban the safest and most common method of 2nd trimester abortion,  so-called “sex selection,” forces abortion patients under 18 to submit tissue samples to local law enforcement (!!!), and require providers to inform an abortion patient’s family, partner or rapist so they have can have a say in the disposal of the fetal remains. No wonder the symbol of Arkansas is a wild pig.


Once Again Religious Groups Worried They Will Have to Be Inclusive and Welcoming to Others

RULES? RULES ARE ONLY FOR OTHER PEOPLE! Just when you think they can’t get any worse, the conspiracy of dicks who are spewing anti-abortion laws at a special session of the MISSOURI legislature sink to another new low. One of the laws they’re crafting, bans cities from enacting or enforcing “any order, ordinance, rule, regulation, policy, or other similar measure that prohibits, restricts, limits, controls, directs, interferes with, or otherwise adversely affects an alternatives-to-abortion agency” or their staff. In other words So the same ass-wipes who pass TRAP laws to drown abortion clinics in regulations want to make it ILLEGAL for cities to pass ANY laws regulating phony “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” at all! Or anything that “adversely affects” a CPC! Abortion clinics can be shut down over their shrubbery choices, while CPC’s aren’t subject to any rules whatsoever.


That Moment When A 12 Year Old Knows Their Body Better Than a F*cking District Attorney

ALABAMA SHAMES: And finally, there’s ALABAMA, where a 12-year-old FINALLY got permission for an abortion after suffering statutory rape by a family member. This child doesn’t know who her father is, and had to be removed from her mother who reacted violently. She sought a waiver on Alabama’s parental consent law. Unbelievably, some Alabama district attorney actually objected. Thank God a judge approved the waiver. It’s this type of real nightmare scenario that reminds us why abortion rights and reproductive autonomy are so necessary in our society. Best wishes for this abused child, and shame on the DA who tried to stop her from alleviating her torment.



You could call us sell outs and you wouldn’t be wrong after another SOLD OUT Vagical Mystery Tour stop in Cleveland! Thanks to Cleveland Scene Magazine for the shout out 😉 The room was packed with people ready to call out some of Ohio’s shitty politicians and the fact that 93% of Ohio counties are left without abortion providers. Well informed AND salty? Cleveland, you’re our kind of town.

Just TWO more chances to watch the Vagic happen live! Pittsburgh and Louisville, get READY.

#vagicalmysterytour Did you know 93% of counties in Ohio don't have an abortion provider??

A post shared by Planned Parenthood NEOH (@standwithppinneoh) on


LPJL Daily Takedown – July 7th, 2017

Hey, Anti-Abortion zealots- Thank you! I Just Added Medication Abortion to My Amazon Wish List!

REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS: RECOMMENDED FOR YOU! Thanks to bat-shit conservative lawmakers, this country is full a vast “abortion deserts” where people who need access to abortion are hopelessly TRAPped. Women have to drive hundreds of miles for medical care (if they can afford it), or they could have abortion services show up on their doorstep in a smiley face box. That’s right! Abortion-rights activists are working to have abortion-pill access expanded—eventually being available on Amazon… free delivery with Amazon Prime! Here are the pertinent facts: medication abortions are incredibly safe and effective, and close to 90 percent of the counties in America don’t have an abortion clinic. Imagine being able to bypass the screaming nut-jobs outside the abortion clinics! Home abortions may well be the wave of the future—and we have anti-choice shit-heels to thank for it. Be careful what you shriek for!


This Fucked Up Arkansas Bill Says: “Your Body, Everybody’s Choice”


Under a new rule in Arkansas, fetal tissue left over after an abortion would be considered the body of a “deceased” family member. Under existing Arkansas law, that means that family members related to the “deceased” have a say in what happens with the “body.” In the case of fetal tissues, that “family member” could be your spouse… or your rapist. If you’re under 18, your parents have a say. It all means that women would essentially need permission for an abortion from their sexual partner, their family members, or the person who assaulted them. This is part of the steady march of laws designed to give fetuses and embryos “personhood” status—while stripping away the personhood of those who become pregnant. And this crappy law takes it a step further by making fetal tissue a deceased “person!” If this law isn’t struck down, your Constitutional rights will be more disposable than the medical waste remaining after an abortion procedure.


Gov. Greitens Isn’t Done PaTROLLing Your Uterus

MO PROBLEMS: Lawmakers in MISSOURI just won’t stop their ongoing orgy of attacks on abortion rights. Now MO. Gov. Cretins – Oops, Gov. Greitens, is calling for even more abortion restrictions from the special session of the legislature that he called specifically to assault reproductive rights. He’s proposing T.R.A.P. laws while saying they aren’t TRAP laws. And he’s claiming that they’re not trying to pre-empt a St. Louis city ordinance that prohibits discrimination… after GOP lawmakers specifically described the move as pre-empting that St. Louis ordinance! They have to deny what they’re doing because it’s clearly unconstitutional. But it’s easy to see what these creeps are saying even when they’re talking out of both sides of their mouths.


Lady Parts Justice League has An Evil Twin – And They Have A “Tour”  Too!

TRAGICAL MISERY TOUR: Wow! The Vagical Mystery Tour has a bizzaro-world equivalent, and it’s coming to a busy intersection near you! If you’re not into the ‘Vagical’ approach of world-class funny people raising hell, raising awareness, and KICKING ASS, then maybe you’ll enjoy the Pro-Life Action League’s entertainment extravaganza. It’s more centered on assaulting unsuspecting drivers with graphic images of aborted fetuses. OK, it’s not funny, but you can’t beat the thrill factor of the traffic-safety fiasco! Check out the Vagical Mystery Tour in Detroit on Sunday. And just do your best to avoid these other lunatics.



Doors opened for the Vagical Mystery Tour in Indianapolis at 7pm and by 7:05, people were already bursting the balls of the Hoosier state’s shady hometown anti-choice thug.

Thank you to the cool AF staff at Hi-Fi Indy for being so helpful in making the night an unforgettable one!

ALSO! The latest NewsBusters hit piece on the Vagical Mystery Tour is more of a shit-piece. In yet another attempt to make us sound like crazed harpies, they actually just end up telling everyone that there’s a BAD-ASS, DIVERSE, and IN YOUR FACE comedy show for anyone who likes laughter and powerful voices for reproductive right – which admittedly isn’t anybody reading NewsBusters. Our only complaint is that they accidentally expanded Lizz’s resume by saying she’s a writer for Trevor Noah’s Daily Show. But hey, it’s hard to keep your facts straight when you lie for a living. Come out and see what they were talking about—Sunday July 9th in Detroit!

The LPJL Daily Takedown – 5/23/17

Catholics Challenge St. Louis’ ‘Abortion Sanctuary’ Law (US News/Associated Press)

In Missouri, “Show Me State” anti-choice zealots are busy showing everyone what assholes they are. A group of St. Louis Catholics are suing the city over an ordinance that prohibits discrimination against people who have had an abortion, or who use contraceptives, or who get pregnant outside of marriage–or what most of us just call “PEOPLE”!!! These St. Louis arch-fiends want the “religious freedom” to throw you out of your apartment for using condoms!


Trump’s Abortion Policy Isn’t About Morality – It’s Coercion (Rolling Stone)

The Trump administration’s fuck-nuts expansion of the global “make-me-gag” rule now forces the right’s anti-abortion crap down INTERNATIONAL women’s throats. And of course, it’s the most exposed throats–the throats of poor women around the world. Just like with TRAP laws in the US–they can’t fool you into thinking abortion is wrong, so they’ll just make it unavailable.


Right-wing attacks on Planned Parenthood are working: Clinics close in Iowa, cutting off low-income women from services (Salon)

Conserva-twits in Iowa have found their own ways of getting around last year’s Supreme Court decision that supposedly safeguarded abortion rights. These Corn-holes have a law that prohibits Medicaid patients from getting even non-abortion services from any clinic that offers abortion. 4 out of 12 Planned Parenthood clinics in Iowa have been forced to close, and that’s Plain Wrong.


The Last Clinics (Vice)

Seven states (SEVEN!) have only one abortion provider left. Not only are anti-choice creeps bad at science, their sense of Geography is as bad as the acting in a popular 90s soap opera.


Pregnant at 18. Hailed by Abortion Foes. Punished by Christian School. (NYT)

Thanks for deciding to have your baby–now get out! 

What do you get when you get into bed with anti-choice Christian hypocrites? YOU GET FUCKED! That’s what an unfortunate Christian School student in Maryland learned after she got pregnant. She went along with the doctrine of the school and didn’t pursue her right to an abortion. So as a punk-ass “thank you,” the school kicked her off the student council and barred her from graduation ceremonies. These “pro-life” dicks are shaming the very people they browbeat into believing their crap!

Springtime for Hatred

Why do we have to do this shit? Because they’re constantly doing it on the other side–and they’re FULL OF SHIT. That gives them an advantage in a shit-slog.

March 1st marks the first day of “40 Days for Life,” an anti-choice, anti-woman, anti-human rights nationwide vag-hate fest. It’s like if SXSW, Coachella, and Bonnaroo were all rolled into one… if they catered only to a militant and angry fringe. It’s Burning Man becomes “You’ll Burn in Hell, Woman!”  

From now until April 9th, self-righteous hypocrites, misogynistic hate-mongers, and tragically misused child props will descend on women’s clinics all over America. There, they will conduct a campaign of harassment and hate under the guise of prayer, vigils, and, for some reason, fasting. (Evidently it’s easier to yell at clinic workers and frightened patients if you have hypoglycemia.)

As you probably already suspected, the “40 Days For Life” campaign is now connected to Donald Trump tiny-hand-in-pussy. Anti-choice mouthpiece LifeSiteNews reports that “40 Days For Life will be on the lookout for anti-Trump disruptors.” They quote 40 Days president Shawn Carney as saying, “The hatred of Donald Trump is being directed at the pro-life movement. The climate is much more hostile to our movement.” Yes, yes–you and your creepy orange mentor are the victims here. If the ascent of the Pussy-Grabber-in-Chief has done anything good, it’s to expose the real faces of these hypocritical fuckwads.

And this 40 Days hate-fest is only the first of a full calendar of anti-choice hysteria. This summer the vile and violent Operation Save America (formerly Operation Rescue National) will hold their annual “Summer of Justice.” This is a group with a long history of violence.

But we at Lady Parts Justice League are actively opposing these crusades of hatred by literally putting boots on the ground! This summer we’ll conduct another 8-week “Summer of Lady Parts Justice Tour.” We’ll be going to the same clinics that the anti’s are attacking, staging counter protests, and offering help and support to the beleaguered providers on the front line.
And we’ll need your help and support to make that happen–look for more details, here at LPJL!

Grueling Sessions

Trump’s “pro-life” Attorney General nominee proudly associates with murderers–not the best qualification to be the highest law enforcement officer in the land.

We at LPJL have repeatedly exposed the misogynist, racist nightmare that is Attorney General nominee Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III. During the first day of Senate hearings for lil’ Jefferson, Senator Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut did his part to expose him to anyone watching the hearings.

Blumenthal grilled Sessions about his ties to Operation Rescue–a vigilante organization of zealots who promote the execution of abortion providers. The Senator brought out a “Wanted” poster from Operation Rescue’s crusade against Kansas abortion provider Dr. George Tiller. Dr. Tiller was murdered by a man named Scott Roeder who frequently posted on OR’s website and was found with contact information for leaders of O.R. Then Operation Rescue argued that Roeder should be considered a political prisoner. Classy

O.R. President Troy Newman is an enthusiastic supporter of Jeff Sessions. Newman — who also endorsed Donald Trump — said he “couldn’t be happier” with Session’s nomination. And this is a guy who isn’t usually happy unless an abortion provider is dead. To quote our tweeting president-elect, SAD!

When Senator Blumenthal asked Sessions if he disavowed the endorsement of Operation Rescue, Jeff said, “I disavow any activity like that. Absolutely. And a group that would even suggest that is unacceptable.” If it seems to you that he didn’t actually reject the endorsement itself, then you’re not alone: Operation Rescue itself tweeted out “Sessions didn’t disavow our endorsement. He disavowed the violent actions @SenBlumenthal falsely attributed to us.”

Operation Rescue can’t separate themselves from the “violent actions” (read: murder and terrorism ) committed at their instigation. Jeff Sessions can’t (and won’t) separate himself from Operation Rescue. And Jeff is Trump’s boy. That’s a straight line from Trump to murder — and he hasn’t even taken office yet.

Dial “M” for “Mordor”

Mordor is on the march!

Here LPJL we’ve been trying to keep you informed about the dark forces being mustered by the gathering Trump administration using the handle “Sauron’s Army.”  Well this week Senate confirmation hearings are being held on the first batch of these monsters.

Senate Republicans under the Turtle Lord Mitch McConnell are trying to ramrod Trump’s nominees through the confirmation process without giving the Office of Government Ethics time to properly review them. Maybe the swamp creatures that Trump is populating his administration with haven’t been properly vetted, but they’ve been exposed to anyone who cares to look.

First out of the shit-chute is Attorney General nominee Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III–a man named after not one, but two secessionist traitors who took up arms against the United States. We nailed him as the Witch-King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgul. For those of you not versed in Tolkien-speak, he’s a major asshole.

Jeff doesn’t think that grabbing a woman by her genitals falls under the definition of sexual assault. He opposed the Violence Against Women Act. And his vitriolic opposition to abortion earned him a lifetime 0 rating from NARAL and a slot co-chairing the 40th anniversary bash for Americans United For Life.

This is where you come in, virtuous creatures of Middle Earth. Get on your Hobbit-phones or the Elvish-net or whatever else functions as social media in the realms of Endor. Put the Senate Republicans on notice that you won’t allow these hearings to be a mockery of the term “confirmation.” And help bolster the resolve of Democratic Senators to keep the heat on. Even if they don’t have the votes to sink these nominations, they can hold them up to scrutiny that will make it harder to put their anti-woman agenda into action.

It’s on. Time to cry bloody Mordor.

Heels on Wheels


Lies our parents told us: In the old days, when kids asked where babies come from–and you didn’t want to get into the whole deal about motile sperm surrounding a giant egg like so many Starfighters going after the Death Star–parents would tell their kids that “the stork” brought babies. That made a little sense in Central Europe, where migratory storks nest on rooftops. In America, you might as well have told kids that babies come from bigfoot fucking a unicorn.

The point is that the whole deal with “the stork” was a convenient lie about childbirth. That makes it a perfect symbol for the “Save the Storks” organization. Their whole deal is lying about the options pregnant women have. Instead of telling fairy tales to kids, they’re telling twisted stories to confused and frightened women with the intent of shaming them.

“Save the Storks” criss-cross America in smarmy “stork buses,” lurking outside abortion clinics, offering free ultrasounds. They’re mobile versions of those phony pregnancy crisis centers, using a combination of guilt and lies to coerce women into having babies if they want them or not.

According to their website, they’ve raised 2.7 million dollars and have put 20 stork buses on the road (with 20 more “on the way.”) Hmmm… those are VERY expensive buses. Maybe the Save the Storks people are telling as many lies to their donors as they’re to the women they lure into the vans.


Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 2.19.16 PMWe told you about the douche-abolical plots by abortion foes in many states to require that fetal remains from abortion procedures be given full burial or cremation. The mandate would make  abortion infinitely more unaffordable and unavailable.

Now anti-choice fear-mongers are gearing up to push for these ghoulish laws with scare tactics that go from the ridiculous to the fucking ridiculous. And when it comes to anti-abortion zealots, no place does fucking ridiculous quite like Texas. Carol Everett from the anti-abortion cabal The Heidi Group has been on newscasts in Texas claiming that without mandatory burial or cremation of fetal remains, Texans will be in danger of catching HIV or various STD’s from the water supply. No, seriously. It’s right here.

That would make some sense if we were talking about disposing of fetal remains in municipal reservoirs, office coolers, or in the margaritas at Ruby Tuesday. But Texas and all states already have strict guidelines about the disposal of medical waste that abortion providers must comply with. (That sort of “the Plague is coming!” tactic is standard operating procedure for Carol Everett. Here’s a clip of her defending TRAP laws by invoking the “Ebol-eye” outbreak!)

Texas is currently trying to impose the mandatory burial or cremation of fetal tissue by making it a new rule from the Texas Department of State Health Services. That avoids all the messiness of actually passing legislation, but the public does get to comment on rule changes in Texas before they go into effect. The hearings for the “bury the fetus” rule took place on August 4th.

And of course, for every medical professional who spoke to oppose the rule, the anti-choice forces put up an “activist” to provide misinformation, lies, fear, and the kind of paranoid fantasy that abortion opponents love to spin. David Walls, the Director of Operations at Texas Values provided a statement saying in part: “The rules will ensure that the bodies of aborted babies are treated with the respect they deserve and are no longer callously treated like medical waste and disposed of by grinding and discharging into a sanitary sewer system.”    

Seriously? “…grinding and discharging into a sanitary sewer system”??? Again, fetal tissue is not disposed of like some kind of depraved serial killer dismembering the bodies of his victims in the back of a butcher shop… as much as anti-abortion lunatics may believe that. Fear tactics are the tool of those who don’t have facts on their side. People like Carol Everett should scare us, but not for the reasons she wants to scare us.