LPJL Daily Takedown – June 29th, 2017

These 2 GOP Senators Aren’t being Heard On Planned Parenthood BECAUSE UTERUS

THE MALE-ORDER HEALTHCARE BILL: One of the biggest reasons that the GOP “health care” bill is a sack of shit is because EVERYONE who wrote it has a hairy sack of entitled balls. And of course, a cornerstone of this bill written entirely by the aforementioned sack-havers, defunds Planned Parenthood—which we know endangers reproductive health, abortion access, and will cause MORE unplanned pregnancies. If your goal is to reduce abortions, that’s oh…. FUCKING STUPID. Two of the GOP Senators who oppose the bill as it now stands are Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, and Susan Collins of Maine. Hopefully they will flex their brass ovaries and crush this testosterone-fest of a bill.

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Indiana’s Neighborhood Watch Are Still Pushing for Parents’ John Hancock’s

MINOR THREAT: INDIANA legislating hasn’t gotten any less nasty since Mike Pence left. Now Indiana wants to take young people who are traumatized by an unwanted pregnancy and add a little more trauma to the mix by making it harder to get an abortion. Currently, those under 18 can ask a court to waive parental consent. A new law would require written consent, ID, and proof of the relationship between the pregnant minor and the parent or guardian to get that waiver. And it makes it a felony to tell a pregnant minor about legal abortion options in other states! Thankfully, a judge has put the law on hold… for now.

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Get the (BAD!)vertising by CPCs Straight Outta San Fran!

DON’T JUST LIE THERE! A court just ruled that “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” in SAN FRANCISCO don’t have a constitutional right to lie to pregnant people! CPC’s are those phony clinics that fool people seeking an abortion into thinking they’re the real deal, and then badger them to change their mind. So being told they can’t lie pretty much undercuts the reason they exist! The CPC’s actually claimed it violated their rights to be told they couldn’t lie! But an appeals court just ruled it’s OK for SF to regulate “unprotected false or misleading commercial speech.” You would hope that being forced to stop lying will sink these suck-ass institutions, but SF CPC’s won’t take this lying down!

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THAT’S MORE LIKE IT, IRELAND!

IRISH AYES: The pregnant people of Northern Ireland are finally free to use the National Health Service coverage they get as UK citizens to pay for abortion services… as long as they travel to England to get them. Northern Ireland bans abortion even in cases of rape, incest, and fetal abnormalities, allowing it only if the mother’s life is at risk. Those from Northern Ireland could travel to England for an abortion, but the NHS wouldn’t pay for it… until now. The British government just announced NHS will pay for abortion services for those making the journey. It ain’t perfect—but it’s a lot better than those backward countries where NO abortion services are covered under government-funded healthcare… and tons of people don’t even have health care! (Not naming names.)

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Margot Cleveland: Forced Pregnancy is a ‘Nature’ thing.

UNNATURAL CHILDBIRTH: Professional shit-talkers on the right like to say that government restrictions on abortion don’t “force women to have babies.” They say: “NATURE forces women to have babies,” but what we HEAR is: “bullshit.” Nature forces people to have all kinds of things, from near-sightedness to tumors. And since we’re not the helpless cattle you seem to want us to be, we can take steps to change those circumstances—just like we can in the case of an unwanted pregnancy. That’s called SCIENCE—and we use it to understand nature. Besides, people talk about “nature’s way” when their biggest idea for preventing pregnancy is the utterly unnatural concept of abstinence! Try that with rabbits sometime.

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VAGICAL UPDATE

The Vagical Mystery Tour is SOLD OUT tonight in St. Louis, MO at Blueberry Hill!

 

LPJL Daily Takedown – June 12, 2017

Girl Sectioned After Psychiatrist Ruled Out Abortion

Irish Times

THE SUCK OF THE IRISH. For a glimpse into just how awful it is for abortion rights beyond the US, check out this nightmare tale from Ireland. A girl was “sectioned,” or forcibly detained under the Mental Health Act after her doctor said she was at risk of suicide. She had learned she was pregnant and wanted an abortion—which you can get in Ireland if there is a risk to the mother’s life, including suicide. But after she was detained, a psychiatrist said she was not suicidal, and therefore couldn’t get an abortion, saying “this could be managed by treatment and that termination of pregnancy was not the solution…”  HELLO! It’s the laws that are crazy!

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Conservatives Want To Restrict Abortion So Much They’ll Endanger Their Own Health Care Bill

Think Progress

LIFE’S A MITCH… McConnell, that is. Poor Senate Republicans! Their obsession with denying abortion rights is making it a lot harder for them to deny healthcare to millions!  If they include anti-abortion provisions in their healthcare bill, then it’s more than purely a budget bill, so it will need 60 votes instead of just 50 to pass. But if they don’t have anti-choice language, then the pricks who want to stick it to women won’t vote for the bill. What’s that quote? You can screw some of the people, but it’s hard to fuck EVERYBODY over. A paraphrase.

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Abortion Clinic: City Wrong to Issue Parade Permit for Protest

Charlotte Observer

THE ULTIMATE MANSPLAIN!! This weekend saw a MEN’s march against abortion rights at a clinic in NORTH CAROLINA. Really! What did they chant? Does anything even rhyme with “Scrotum”? March organizer Justin Reeder called on men to discourage women from getting abortions and show how abortion impacts men!! In a Facebook video he said “The truth is that this is more of a men’s issue than it is a women’s issue. We forget about the men so often in this story.” JEZUS H. CLUELESS! Is he trying to knock us out with how hard we smack our foreheads? The clinic was upset that the permit for the march was issued at the last minute without the required notice, giving them no time to prepare. And it takes some prep time just to realize somebody would have the balls to do this! At least we finally get to see the face of the anti-abortion/anti-woman movement—and it’s a face that needs a shave.

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New Mexico Makes it Easier For Women to Obtain Birth Control

Washington Post

LAND OF ENCHANTMENT: In some much-needed GREAT news, NEW MEXICO has just made it easier for pharmacists to prescribe birth control directly to women. There are several reasons to make birth control more accessible in New Mexico: it’s a largely rural state with long drives often necessary to obtain care. Oh, and the TRUMP WHITE HOUSE IS WAGING WAR ON CONTRACEPTIVE RIGHTS! They want to let your employer raise religious objections to YOUR birth control. So yeah, this comes at a good time. Thanks, New Mexico!

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DO NOT LINK: New study shows preborn children can recognize human faces while inside the womb

LiveAction News

FILE UNDER BATSHIT: Anti-choice lunatic fringe types are now saying that fetuses can see FACES in the womb. I know the people who say this kind of shit could see a zygote completing the New York Times crossword puzzle if they thought they could use it to push their “personhood” agenda. Their real goal is to deny the humanity of the woman carrying the fetus. In YOUR faces, ass-wipes!

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VAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR UPDATE!

No amount of gnats in a cup, murky pool water, OR anti-choice nuts were enough to stop LPJL from bringing a lot of laughter to Little Rock, Arkansas and a lot of love to the Little Rock Family Planning Services team! Check out LPJL’s FB Live recap for further elaboration on some very “Quality” fuckery.

Hanging out with the clinic workers as well as members of the Arkansas Abortion Support Network was the perfect start to gathering an A+ posse for the show! Especially since we would be joined by “groupies,” if you will, outside of the show (See photos below). Thank you to Vino’s Brew Pub for adding to the list of continuous kickass venues supporting live comedy & the fight for reproductive rights. Of course, no visit to Little Rock is complete without an obligatory visit to the historic Little Rock Central High School, paying tribute to the Little Rock Nine – diversity and inclusion should exist in conversations on Education as well as every other issue that directly effects poor people and people of color.

The Tour Van is officially parked in Oklahoma City! Comedy is happening June 13th! Come out and join the fun at the ACM @ UCO Performance Lab! Look at the photos from Little Rock’s Saturday show – see all of that fun? Get tickets here and that could be you and your friends on TUESDAY!

Is There A Swat Team In Your Vagina Lassie?!

What’s that pounding on your door? Who is that coming into your home? It’s the Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI). It must be an emergency! What are they seizing?! This is so serious, it must be guns or heroine or smuggled child sex slaves hiding in the basement! What? They came for your abortion pill?! That seems, aggressive?!

On International Women’s Day (the irony of the date is not lost on anyone) the PSNI raided homes in order to seize packages of mifepristone and misoprostol (drugs that induce an abortion). They also raided an artist activist workshop where a package of the pills had been shipped to. Always important to put those mouthy artist broads in their place on International Women’s Day!

Tracking the packages through the mail, the PSNI went into the homes of these women and teens having no idea why the women were taking the pills. Possibly making their families aware for the first time or even alerting partners. What if one of those women was in an abusive situation? What if they were a victim of rape? What if? What if? What if? The health and wellbeing of the woman is unfortunately not taken into consideration at all, they are just treated as criminals.

Abortion is illegal across the board in Ireland unless it’s performed as a medical intervention saving the mother’s life. So if you aren’t dying, you can’t have an abobo, no matter what. UNLESS of course you are wealthy, in which case you can just take a little trip over to England and have one there where it’s legal. Grab some tea, see Big Ben, have your cervix dilated.

The pills are NHS approved across the rest of the UK but are supposed to be medically supervised. Low-income women in Ireland are risking taking them alone and doing something illegal because there is great need. ARE WE REALLY SENDING A SEARCH AND SEIZURE TEAM TO THE DOORS OF PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST TRYING TO TAKE CONTROL OF THEIR LIVES!?!?! Women are making choices, send in Twat SWAT!

The criminalization of abortion is just endangering low-income women. Period. Call off the guard, fix the laws.