A Daunting Warning… Signifying Nothing

So today was a big day in the “Oh god oh god oh god when is the Supreme Court going to betray Roe v. Wade, when is this all gonna come crashing down” countdown. The Supreme Court ruled on an abortion case out of Indiana. Or rather… kinda just decided not to rule. So for now in Indiana the court decided NOT to hear an appeal on a case involving “sex, disability, and race selective abortions” but did uphold a requirement for clinics to bury or cremate fetal tissue.

So let’s deal with this in two parts, because they really align with each other. So fetal burial laws require clinics to treat medical waste like it is a living person. Now, again, if the patient feels that they would like to bury the remains, that’s FINE, but requiring them to treat medical waste as anything other than medical waste… is ALSO a cruel way to treat people.

But also, the idea that clinics have to bury fetal tissue rather than donate them to stem cell research, is cruel to all FURTHER generations. The level that anti-choicers have decided to ban stem cell research is frankly inexcusably near-sighted and cruel to all further generations.

And then they have the AUDACITY to argue that abortion is promoting “eugenics.” This also seems like a made up thing meant to scare people. We don’t really believe there are TONS of people out there being like “Man, I REALLY want a baby but … idk, now that it’s a boy, no thank you.” And in terms of Down Syndrome, maybe your “eugenics” concerns would SEEM REAL if you did ANYTHING IN THE FUCKING WORLD TO HELP ANY PARENT WITH A CHILD THAT HAS DOWN SYNDROME.

But naw, instead you can just be like “isn’t every baby precious” and get rewarded for it. Enter Clarence Thomas who in his dissent argues it’s time to reconsider Roe v Wade because “”Given the potential for abortion to become a tool of eugenic manipulation, the Court will soon need to confront the constitutionality of laws like Indiana’s.”

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This is our mood forever now.

“Heartbeat” Bills Are A Gross 2019 Trend

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE! We hate when we see a bad trend developing but have no way to stop it. Just this Tuesday we wrote about the trend of heartbeat bill being introduced in states like Kentucky (and Ohio last year) and then told you to check to see if there was one coming in your state.

Well guess what, we can add two more states to the abysmal list: South Carolina and Florida both have politicians who filed fetal heartbeat bills this week! In South Carolina 50 representatives are co-sponsoring the bill. Make no MISTAKE these bills are total and complete abortion bans. They’re dressed up in treacly language to make them appear more “humane” but they’re actually entirely cruel and despicable. ROE WAS DECIDED AND REAFFIRMED, GUYS! Stop trying to go backwards!

Speaking of going backwards, we’re paying special attention to SCOTUS today as they decide whether to hear the fetal burial case in Indiana. Real quick: this would require burial and cremation for all fetal remains… even miscarriages. Remember how we asked “Are they gonna start considering SPERMS and periods people too” and it was like… a big joke? NOT REALLY A JOKE NOW. Just disgusting, and CRUEL TO PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO HAVE BABIES AND HAVE MISCARRIAGES TOO. That’s the thing here, these people pretend to care so much about pregnant women and babies, but…. They consistently throw them under the bus in their single-minded quest to shame.

So watch with us and keep your fingers crossed to see which way SCOTUS goes. If it’s bad, we’ll be seeing you in DC this spring!

LPJL Daily Takedown – July 10th, 2017

What’s Better than One Pro-Choice Techie? HUNDREDS OF THEM.  

ABORTION ACCESS? THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT! Lots of them, in fact, thanks to Emily Loen and the techies behind Hackathon.com in California. This band of gender diverse hack-stars gather to build tools and apps for abortion seekers and providers. And it’s working —BIG TIME! In just its second year, Abortion Access Hack-a-thon has gone from 20 participants to over 200. The next hackathon is being planned for this summer in Austin, TX. The fight for abortion rights has to be smart, aggressive, and cutting edge—and Emily is all of that by using tech to expand access!

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A New Missouri Anti-Choice Bill Wants To Eliminate Abortions and Increase Ambulance Sirens

911—MISSOURI, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? The continuing saga of MISSOURI’s special legislative session to mess with abortion rights (Yes, that is really a thing!) continues to dredge up brand new schemes from the bottoms of the space where a decent human has a heart. The latest—making it a crime for an abortion clinic to request that an ambulance respond to a call from the clinic without sirens and lights. WTF? NOBODY—from a restaurant to a church wants flashing ambulance lights and sirens unless it’s necessary. And a clinic with patients undergoing treatment certainly wants to avoid alarming them. It’s completely up to ambulance personnel to decide what to do. So WHY SHOULD IT BE A CRIME FOR CLINIC TO JUST ASK for no lights and sirens? Especially when it’s not a crime for a burger joint or bar to make the same request?  

PICK ME! Pick me! Is it because it’s a law that is all about stigmatizing abortion? OF course it is! This Missouri special session is what needs an emergency response!

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There Could Be Bumper-To-Bumper Resistance in California with New Pro-Choice License Plates!

IN WOMEN WE TRUST: CALIFORNIANS may soon have something good on their plates—special license plates in the state reading “CALIFORNIA TRUSTS WOMEN” would help to fund family-planning services for low-income people. The Family Planning, Access, Care, and Treatment Program provides family planning services to 1.8 million Californians every year—including funding for Planned Parenthood clinics. Anti-choice states are lousy with anti-abortion license plates that fund actual SCAMS like “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” that try to limit the choices of people looking for family planning services. The bill is working its way through the CA legislature. They’ll need 7,500 pre-paid orders for the plates to be issued, so step up California!

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A Gang of Anti-Choice Goons Praise Mike Pence for Ruining People’s Lives

DISCREDIT WHERE DISCREDIT IS DUE: Anti-choice nut-wads in INDIANA are heaping praise on their KING NUT-WAD, Mike Pence, “crediting” him with a drop in the abortion rate during his time as governor. OK, first off, all experts agree that declining abortion rates are mostly due to better family planning and contraceptive availability—both of which the PENCER opposes. Of course, he DID prevent a lot of people from exercising their reproductive rights, but he did that with a combination of TRAP laws targeting clinics and shoveling millions of dollars to bogus Crisis Pregnancy Centers—funded with “Choose Life” state license plates. Now this simpering silverback Pence is in a position to impose his puritan puke on women all over the country. Mike Pence: Shitty for Indiana, Shittier for America.

VAGICAL UPDATE!

There are two words that best describe last night’s show in the Motor City — SOLD. OUT!

The Vagical Mystery Tour took over the Magic Bag and the laughs were ENDLESS!

What would a visit to Michigan be without the incredible LISA BROWN in attendance?!

If you didn’t know, Lisa is the SHERO responsible for the name “LADY PARTS JUSTICE LEAGUE.”

And Today, we’ve been hanging out all day with our friends at Northland Family Planning!

We delivered some Rosé & sweet treats for the end of their work day, which resulted in the best damn abortion clinic recovery room chat EVER.

NEXT STOP: CLEVELAND!

LPJL Daily Takedown – July 7th, 2017

Hey, Anti-Abortion zealots- Thank you! I Just Added Medication Abortion to My Amazon Wish List!

REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS: RECOMMENDED FOR YOU! Thanks to bat-shit conservative lawmakers, this country is full a vast “abortion deserts” where people who need access to abortion are hopelessly TRAPped. Women have to drive hundreds of miles for medical care (if they can afford it), or they could have abortion services show up on their doorstep in a smiley face box. That’s right! Abortion-rights activists are working to have abortion-pill access expanded—eventually being available on Amazon… free delivery with Amazon Prime! Here are the pertinent facts: medication abortions are incredibly safe and effective, and close to 90 percent of the counties in America don’t have an abortion clinic. Imagine being able to bypass the screaming nut-jobs outside the abortion clinics! Home abortions may well be the wave of the future—and we have anti-choice shit-heels to thank for it. Be careful what you shriek for!

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This Fucked Up Arkansas Bill Says: “Your Body, Everybody’s Choice”

CAN WE REITERATE THIS IS A PLOY TO GIVE FETAL TISSUE PERSONHOOD STATUS AND IT MUST BE SHUTDOWN?

Under a new rule in Arkansas, fetal tissue left over after an abortion would be considered the body of a “deceased” family member. Under existing Arkansas law, that means that family members related to the “deceased” have a say in what happens with the “body.” In the case of fetal tissues, that “family member” could be your spouse… or your rapist. If you’re under 18, your parents have a say. It all means that women would essentially need permission for an abortion from their sexual partner, their family members, or the person who assaulted them. This is part of the steady march of laws designed to give fetuses and embryos “personhood” status—while stripping away the personhood of those who become pregnant. And this crappy law takes it a step further by making fetal tissue a deceased “person!” If this law isn’t struck down, your Constitutional rights will be more disposable than the medical waste remaining after an abortion procedure.

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Gov. Greitens Isn’t Done PaTROLLing Your Uterus

MO PROBLEMS: Lawmakers in MISSOURI just won’t stop their ongoing orgy of attacks on abortion rights. Now MO. Gov. Cretins – Oops, Gov. Greitens, is calling for even more abortion restrictions from the special session of the legislature that he called specifically to assault reproductive rights. He’s proposing T.R.A.P. laws while saying they aren’t TRAP laws. And he’s claiming that they’re not trying to pre-empt a St. Louis city ordinance that prohibits discrimination… after GOP lawmakers specifically described the move as pre-empting that St. Louis ordinance! They have to deny what they’re doing because it’s clearly unconstitutional. But it’s easy to see what these creeps are saying even when they’re talking out of both sides of their mouths.

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Lady Parts Justice League has An Evil Twin – And They Have A “Tour”  Too!

TRAGICAL MISERY TOUR: Wow! The Vagical Mystery Tour has a bizzaro-world equivalent, and it’s coming to a busy intersection near you! If you’re not into the ‘Vagical’ approach of world-class funny people raising hell, raising awareness, and KICKING ASS, then maybe you’ll enjoy the Pro-Life Action League’s entertainment extravaganza. It’s more centered on assaulting unsuspecting drivers with graphic images of aborted fetuses. OK, it’s not funny, but you can’t beat the thrill factor of the traffic-safety fiasco! Check out the Vagical Mystery Tour in Detroit on Sunday. And just do your best to avoid these other lunatics.

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VAGICAL UPDATE!

Doors opened for the Vagical Mystery Tour in Indianapolis at 7pm and by 7:05, people were already bursting the balls of the Hoosier state’s shady hometown anti-choice thug.

Thank you to the cool AF staff at Hi-Fi Indy for being so helpful in making the night an unforgettable one!

ALSO! The latest NewsBusters hit piece on the Vagical Mystery Tour is more of a shit-piece. In yet another attempt to make us sound like crazed harpies, they actually just end up telling everyone that there’s a BAD-ASS, DIVERSE, and IN YOUR FACE comedy show for anyone who likes laughter and powerful voices for reproductive right – which admittedly isn’t anybody reading NewsBusters. Our only complaint is that they accidentally expanded Lizz’s resume by saying she’s a writer for Trevor Noah’s Daily Show. But hey, it’s hard to keep your facts straight when you lie for a living. Come out and see what they were talking about—Sunday July 9th in Detroit!

LPJL Daily Takedown – June 30th, 2017

Between Clinics and Uteruses, It’s No Surprise that Anti-Choice Uter-oadies Show Up Where They Aren’t Invited

What do oil spills, and anti-abortion lies have in common? Their aftermath is toxic and they tend to SPREAD. Abortion clinic stalkers have started branching out from harassing patients and providers, to harassing patients who are forced to travel at airports, and even getting nice sit-down tables at rock festivals where they can spread their lies as Bowling for Soup plays on the main stage. The Warped Tour is allowing the anti-choice shlockers, Rock for Life to table at festival shows (despite the opposition to their presence by many of the bands!) And in Ireland, home of some of the most medieval abortion policies on earth, anti-choice snakes plan to picket at airports just to harass people who are forced to travel to other countries for their human rights! These are the same people who show up to try and disrupt our Vagical Mystery Tour shows (see below). The antidote to this spreading contagion is TRUTH and LPJL plans to lay it on them!

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SB 5 – “We Didn’t Mean That Shitty Thing, We Meant This OTHER Shitty Thing”

MISSOURI: NOW WITH 1% LESS CRAZY! The anti-choice politicians in Missouri are saying that people misinterpreted the whack-job laws they’re passing in a special legislative session devoted to anti-abortion whack-job laws. Specifically, they say their new laws won’t allow employers to fire people who use birth control. They’ll just allow landlords to evict them! Or anyone who offends their religious sensibilities by having an abortion or getting pregnant out of wedlock. Well they sure are assuring us that they’re not COMPLETELY unhinged… and they’re probably lying when they say that much!

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Will Indiana AG Appeal A Teen’s Right to Keep Their Parent Out of Their Uterus?

INDIANA POLITICIANS ARE NOT APPEALING: LITERALLY, AND FIGURATIVELY.

It turns out they won’t say whether or not they plan to appeal a judge’s injunction against a law making it harder for minors to get an abortion – YET. But the general rule of thumb is that, if it makes people’s lives more difficult—especially women’s lives—then Indiana is going to do it. After All, this is the political house that Pence built. . Stay tuned, Hoosiers, and we’ll keep you posted.

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David Daleiden: “What’s Does A Guy Gotta Do to Spread More Lies Around Here?!”

DALEIDEN SACK OF SHIT! Professional liar and video-doctor, David Daleiden is the monster who made the surgically enhanced undercover videos that anti-abortion looneys have been trumpeting for years now. Now this sad little broflake claims Planned Parenthood is “terrified” over other videos he has. But his record of deception has evidently convinced a judge to issue an order preventing him from spewing more falsehoods. He’ll have to be content with his prior awards for “Most Deceptive Editing.

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VAGICAL UPDATE!

The Vagical Mystery Tour invaded St. Louis, and St. Louis welcomed us with open arms and open mouths! Ya know, from ALL. OF. THE. LAUGHING.

Alex English hosted: Buzz Off, Lucille, Joyelle Johnson, Negin Farsad, Leah Bonnema, and Lizz Winstead! (who began her set with a very special tribute to Missouri’s own Mike Moon)

Thank you NARAL Missouri for coming out! Also, our new friends from the Hope Clinic for Women joined us for some pre-show and post-show tabling!

Speaking of Hope Clinic, The LPJL paid a visit to the clinic this afternoon bearing gifts! And by “gifts” we mean a “wine and tacos” Friday lunch followed by an HGTV-style Abortion Clinic Makeover!

LPJL Daily Takedown – June 29th, 2017

These 2 GOP Senators Aren’t being Heard On Planned Parenthood BECAUSE UTERUS

THE MALE-ORDER HEALTHCARE BILL: One of the biggest reasons that the GOP “health care” bill is a sack of shit is because EVERYONE who wrote it has a hairy sack of entitled balls. And of course, a cornerstone of this bill written entirely by the aforementioned sack-havers, defunds Planned Parenthood—which we know endangers reproductive health, abortion access, and will cause MORE unplanned pregnancies. If your goal is to reduce abortions, that’s oh…. FUCKING STUPID. Two of the GOP Senators who oppose the bill as it now stands are Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, and Susan Collins of Maine. Hopefully they will flex their brass ovaries and crush this testosterone-fest of a bill.

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Indiana’s Neighborhood Watch Are Still Pushing for Parents’ John Hancock’s

MINOR THREAT: INDIANA legislating hasn’t gotten any less nasty since Mike Pence left. Now Indiana wants to take young people who are traumatized by an unwanted pregnancy and add a little more trauma to the mix by making it harder to get an abortion. Currently, those under 18 can ask a court to waive parental consent. A new law would require written consent, ID, and proof of the relationship between the pregnant minor and the parent or guardian to get that waiver. And it makes it a felony to tell a pregnant minor about legal abortion options in other states! Thankfully, a judge has put the law on hold… for now.

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Get the (BAD!)vertising by CPCs Straight Outta San Fran!

DON’T JUST LIE THERE! A court just ruled that “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” in SAN FRANCISCO don’t have a constitutional right to lie to pregnant people! CPC’s are those phony clinics that fool people seeking an abortion into thinking they’re the real deal, and then badger them to change their mind. So being told they can’t lie pretty much undercuts the reason they exist! The CPC’s actually claimed it violated their rights to be told they couldn’t lie! But an appeals court just ruled it’s OK for SF to regulate “unprotected false or misleading commercial speech.” You would hope that being forced to stop lying will sink these suck-ass institutions, but SF CPC’s won’t take this lying down!

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THAT’S MORE LIKE IT, IRELAND!

IRISH AYES: The pregnant people of Northern Ireland are finally free to use the National Health Service coverage they get as UK citizens to pay for abortion services… as long as they travel to England to get them. Northern Ireland bans abortion even in cases of rape, incest, and fetal abnormalities, allowing it only if the mother’s life is at risk. Those from Northern Ireland could travel to England for an abortion, but the NHS wouldn’t pay for it… until now. The British government just announced NHS will pay for abortion services for those making the journey. It ain’t perfect—but it’s a lot better than those backward countries where NO abortion services are covered under government-funded healthcare… and tons of people don’t even have health care! (Not naming names.)

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Margot Cleveland: Forced Pregnancy is a ‘Nature’ thing.

UNNATURAL CHILDBIRTH: Professional shit-talkers on the right like to say that government restrictions on abortion don’t “force women to have babies.” They say: “NATURE forces women to have babies,” but what we HEAR is: “bullshit.” Nature forces people to have all kinds of things, from near-sightedness to tumors. And since we’re not the helpless cattle you seem to want us to be, we can take steps to change those circumstances—just like we can in the case of an unwanted pregnancy. That’s called SCIENCE—and we use it to understand nature. Besides, people talk about “nature’s way” when their biggest idea for preventing pregnancy is the utterly unnatural concept of abstinence! Try that with rabbits sometime.

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VAGICAL UPDATE

The Vagical Mystery Tour is SOLD OUT tonight in St. Louis, MO at Blueberry Hill!

 

LPJL Daily Takedown – June 13, 2017

Anti-Abortion Lawmaker Moon Beheads Chicken Ahead of Special Session

The Missouri Times

CHICKEN SHIT! A MISSOURI legislator posted a Facebook video of him beheading and eviscerating a live chicken like some Goddamn ISIS psycho- all to make a pun about his opposition to abortion. THAT. REALLY. HAPPENED. As he talks about “supporting life,” Rep. Mike Moon kills the chicken pulls its heart out, quipping “We need to get to the heart of the matter here.” There’s your “CULTURE” of “LIFE”! Rep. Moon (R-Whitemanistan) was celebrating a special session of the Missouri legislature to specifically craft laws to shut down abortion access in Missouri. You can be sure that thanks to this stunt, the Moon Goons in the MO state leg will try to out-do each other. (His other passion is getting rid of penalties for taking guns into schools and federal buildings. AGAIN, REALLY.) Remember- when Mike Moon is done beheading and gutting that chicken, he’s going to do the same thing to your reproductive rights.

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Judge to Hear Challenge to New Indiana Abortion Restrictions

Miami Herald

HOOSIER PARENTS, LITTLE GIRL? Well, INDIANA is once again racing to deny abortion access to minors. A new law would make it harder and scarier for anyone under 18 to get a judge’s consent for an abortion without notifying their parents. The law would require the judge to consider informing the parents no matter which way the judge rules. The ACLU points out that could easily endanger pregnant teens with “neglectful, absent, or abusive parents.” Don’t create a law every bit as abusive!

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Protecting Birth Control Access in Colorado in the Age of Trump

Huffington Post

KEEPING CONTROL: Birth Control benefits everyone—and everyone needs to be in the fight to keep the Obamacare BIRTH CONTROL MANDATE. Forward thinking states have passed progressive measures like a recent one in COLORADO that allows women to get a year’s worth of oral contraceptives at a time. That action alone is associated with a 30% drop in unintended pregnancies.

Thanks to the Obamacare mandate, less than 4% of women now pay out-of-pocket costs for oral contraceptives. But the Trump administration wants to let ANY employer object to YOUR birth control on “moral” grounds. Remember, men and women are in this together—that’s why we need birth control in the first place!

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ACLU Advises Metro Council Create 8-foot Wide Buffer Zone Outside Abortion Clinic Entrance

Courier-Journal

EIGHT FEET OF ACCESS: Don’t let SELF-appointed vaginal crossing guards, block public sidewalks to prevent people from accessing their Constitutional rights! The ACLU of Kentucky is calling on Louisville’s Metro Council to create an 8-foot buffer zone between Kentucky’s LAST abortion clinic and the screeching lunatics who want to shut it down and end all abortion access in the state. This abortion provider is all that Kentuckians have left—and all they’re asking for is 8 measly feet to access it. 8 FEET! You could spit that far—and the monsters preying on patients outside the clinic probably will.

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VAGICAL UPDATE!

Digging up dirt on anti-choice lawmakers isn’t the only thing LPJL is good for. The Vagical Mystery Tour also digs up dirt – in the front yards of independent abortion clinics! On a very sunny Monday afternoon the LPJL team paid a visit to the South Wind Women’s Center in Oklahoma City to add some beautification to an already dazzling-looking clinic!

Among the gardeners were VMT’s own Ian Harvie – who was recently featured in PEOPLE MAG for his participation on the tour and thoughts on Transgender inclusion in the fight for reproductive rights! (SPOILER: he’s down with the cause).

That not VAGICAL enough for you? Check out the latest episode of The Smartest Man In The World Podcast with Greg Proops! Greg and Lizz Winstead discuss the tour, the work of LPJL, and why the fight for abortion access is as important as it has ever been before!

If Indiana Could Turn Back Time

If you could turn back time, women would STILL GET ABORTIONS. But that’s not what Indiana state lawmakers want you to think. A new bill passed Monday in the House in Indiana – and one that is gaining steam in many other states – forces doctors to tell patients about “abortion pill reversal.”

Never heard of it? That’s because it’s a crockpot of unscientific slow marinated bullshit.

In a medication abortion, you take the first pill of mifepristone, then follow it up with a dose of misoprostol to expel what’s in the uterus. So-called “abortion pill reversal” involves injecting women with a series of progesterone shots that would supposedly keep the pregnancy on track after they’ve taken the first pill of mifepristone. The study, done by George Delgado of the Culture of Life Family Services clinic (have a particular ring to it?) in San Diego, California had no control group and was not overseen by an institutional review board nor an ethical review committee.

In a video on Delgado’s website explaining how his clinic encourages women to carry pregnancies to term he says, “She can do what her maternal instincts drive her to do and that is to protect her unborn child.”

Yeah, sounds like an impartial scientific medical professional with no agenda whatsoever. Even the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has straight up denounced this abortion U-turn procedure.

It is absurd that legislators would force medically trained doctors to lie to patients about an unscientifically proven ‘procedure.’ They may as well be giving doctors the Oscar nominated script to Moonstruck, as it has about as much science in it as this bill. And at least it would be entertaining.

With this bill, lawmakers would have you believe that women seeking abortions are indecisive gypsies, tramps, and thieves that constantly need reminding that it is possible to change their fragile minds.

Supporters of it would have you believe that it’s about giving women the panoply of medical options out there. Republican representative Peggy Mayfield, one of the bill’s co-authors, told the Indianapolis Star. “There is an alternative there. There is hope.”
We can only hope that lawmakers SNAP OUT OF IT and start making science great again.