LPJL Daily Takedown – October 17th, 2017

On This Beautiful Day of Anti-Choice Silence, Howz About “We” Don’t Shut Our Resist Holes

Today anti-choicers participate in the #ProLifeDayofSilence or, as we like to call it, a perfect Tuesday on Twitter. Wearing red tape over their mouths with the word “life” written on, their goal is to protest everyone’s right to body autonomy. So while we’re not sure how much attention they’ll get (because, you know, silencing yourself to make some noise is about as effective as reducing abortion by removing access to birth control, but I digress…) we thought today was the perfect time to #ShoutYourAbortion and use #LipsNotSealed to show that when it comes to defending reproductive health, we will never be silent!  


Repro Rights Up For a Vote from a Group of Scrotum Danglers. Again.

Remember that 20-week abortion ban that sailed through the House but had “no chance” in the Senate? Guess fucking what. The Hill article in The Hill reveals it has 45 cosponsors and it’s going to be up for a vote in the Senate with no chance of passing. This wasted time could be spent on renewing funding for the CHIP program, you know, healthcare for actual children, but hey, “Why do something popular?” 


Find Out YET ANOTHER WAY, Trump Is Attacking a Whole Series of Women!

Whether it’s grabbing pussies or forcing teenage immigrants to give birth, Donald Trump likes to attack multiple women.  We’ve been following the story of the pregnant immigrant girl who was detained at the border and then denied access to abortion care. This detailed Politico piece provides background—and it sure seems like “Hitting below the Belt” is the motivation behind every one of Trump’s policies. 


Trump’s Border Policies Will Leave a Trail Of “Jane Doe” Victims

Seriously, all of these shit-spiteful anti-woman policies that the Trump administration is forcing on this country have REAL impact on REAL women. For every one “Jane Doe” immigrant girl detained in Texas, there are hundreds, maybe thousands more who are also denied care. This great Rewire piece has the story of another Jane Doe. This country needs to stop treating women in ways that force them to hide their names.


When You Have an Extra Million Laying Around and You Use it To Fuck Over the Most Vulnerable

This must-read Rewire article tells how multi million anti- abortionaires in Maryland spent 7-figures trying to shut down one of the ONLY practices in the country that performs abortions up to and after 28 weeks. Some people NEED abortions later in their pregnancy so maybe spend that million on educating people WHY that is, instead of letting your thugnorance put their lives at risk.  


LPJL Daily Takedown – June 28th, 2017


SHITTY AND SHITTIER: The Senate’s “healthcare” bill is actually worse for birth control than the crap-fest House bill! Under Obamacare, health plans must cover contraceptive services without a co-pay. Both the House and Senate bills make birth control more expensive and inaccessible by defunding Planned Parenthood. But the Senate bill also allows states to decide if birth control is even covered! And you can guess what types of “birth control” will be covered in Missouri—abstinence and prayer! Good news & Bad news: The Senate bill is currently stalled—while lawmakers try to make it even worse!


The Frontiers of Anti-Choice Lawmakers are Getting Checked In Alaska

CHILL OUT, ALASKA! A lawsuit from Planned Parenthood has finally forced ALASKA to change the cold way it treats those seeking abortions after the first trimester. The state will no longer require a second doctor to get involved in abortions after 12 weeks. And it dropped the TRAPPY rule that blood and an operating room “appropriately staffed and equipped for major surgery” be ready for ANY abortion after the first trimester. Change may come at a glacial pace in Alaska, but at least the long night might be over!


Spokane Public Schools Might Have a Change of Heartlessness on Sex Ed.

THE FACTS OF STRIFE: Conservative Uter-orcs in Spokane, Washington are trying to shit-can a progressive sex ed curriculum because it was developed with input from Planned Parenthood, because it mentions sex, oh, and BECAUSE JESUS. And they’re not too happy that the curriculum includes LGBTQ issues. One said the new plan would mean that “teachers with religious convictions about male-female roles and differences” could be forced to stifle their bigotry (paraphrasing.) Washington is a great, progressive state, but there are still pockets of douchebaggery. What’s in your state’s pockets?


Ohio Tri-Masters of None Just Passed Yet Another Fucked Up Anti-choice Bill

COSTUME DRAMA in OHIO: It’s the HANDMAIDS vs. the MaNMAIDS! A bill to ban the safest and most common procedure used in abortions after the first trimester has been sent by an Ohio Senate committee to the full Senate… but not before the committee room hosted a RUNWAY CHALLENGE! Anti-choice forces (mostly male) occupied the front row, smartly decked out in fetus t-shirts, the traditional fashion choice of the intolerant. But the back of the room was lined with pro-choice fashionistas in the very latest VAG POWER accoutrements—HANDMAID’S TALE costumes! SASSY! The anti-choice forces got their bill passed, but pro-choice advocates definitely looked better.



YESTERDAY – First stop, deliver some lunch and some LOVE to Family Planning Associates in Chicago!


Ask anyone how last night’s show went in the Windy City last night and we will bet money they’d say they were BLOWN AWAY! Dina Nina Martinez did a kick-ass job hosting Joyelle Johnson, Leah Bonnema, Lizz Winstead, Alonzo Bodden & Recording Artist K’Valentine!

Lizz wrapped up last night’s show moderating a SPECTACULAR talkback with special guests Dr. Deborah Nucatola, Carrie Mathos, and Dr. Willie Parker!


The Press is falling in LOVE with the Vagical Mystery Tour. Check out what everyone’s saying about the hottest Resistance Comedy Tour in the country!

An Interview with Lizz Winstead and Things You Can Do to Help RIGHT NOW

On the ‘Vagical Mystery Tour’ with Lizz Winstead

How A Comedy Tour Is Helping Women Retain Their Reproductive Rights


LPJL Daily Takedown – June 26, 2017

Conservatives fear the ability to fuck people over will not being allowed in Health Bill

RULES ARE RULES, and this one rules. Anti-abortion lunatics fear that Senate rules might not allow the Senate “health” bill to keep its ban on subsidies for any plan that covers abortion. Under a Senate rule known as reconciliation, all the provisions in the bill have to be mostly about the budget to avoid a filibuster. But anti-abortion parts are clearly all about FUCKING PEOPLE OVER and denying reproductive rights. If the Senate parliamentarian rules that the abortion bullshit IS just abortion bullshit, the bill is DOOMED unless they strip the anti-abortion language. This bill is a disaster either way, but it’s good to see conservatives forced to follow rules for once.


Mike Moon and his Chicken Are Going Viral – In A Good Way

THE CHICKENSHIT HITS THE FAN: Mile Moon, the birdbrain MISSOURI lawmaker who beheaded and gutted a chicken in a Facebook video—BECAUSE ABORTION!—is actually facing some backlash. Turns out, killing things to illustrate you are “pro-life” is considered batshit among rational people. Since his one-man slaughterhouse  video has gone viral, two online petitions want Moon removed from office for his fowl behavior. Throw the cock out!


BREAKING: Anti-Choice Lawmakers in Arkansas don’t Take Heed to Warnings, or Logic.

RAZORBACKLASH: Five extreme anti-abortion laws recently passed in ARKANSAS are being challenged in court before they can take effect.The ACLU is suing over laws designed to harass abortion patients and providers. They include everything from bogus “sex selection” bans to a law that would effectively require notifying the woman’s sex partner or parents! Red states pass these obviously unconstitutional laws by the truckload hoping that something will stick. All we can do is keep fighting back every time they try to stick it to us.


North Carolina: “You Know Who DOESN’T Need  More Money? Faux-Health Clinics Lying to Pregnant People”

MONEY FOR NOTHIN, or WORSE than nothing! NORTH CAROLINA is going to THROW MONEY at “crisis pregnancy centers” – fake pregnancy centers created by religious extremists to DECEIVE and LIE to pregnant people in an attempt to coerce them out of having an abortion. Their evil brand is so tainted that now they’re calling themselves “Pregnancy Resource Centers.” It’s bad enough North Carolina tax payers currently fund these LYING, CHEATING MONEY-PITS to the tune of 300k a year, but now that number will skyrocket from $300,000 to $1.9 million! But fuck those elderly and disabled takers on Medicaid AMIRITE? We’ve got to take what we learn from faux-News and fund some faux-healthcare!


Nothing Makes Liz Wolfe Angrier than Groups of People Speaking Out for the Rights of Humans

THE HANDMAID’S FAIL! The Wolfe-in-Columnist’s-Clothing is moaning about abortion rights protesters who evoke The Handmaid’s Tale, calling them “intellectually dishonest––and, frankly, deeply offensive.” WTF??? The show is about women being forced to serve as incubators—and “frankly,” that’s what the anti-abortion movement is about too! Wolfe howls: “As a pro-life secular feminist, being compared to oppressive religious zealots from a dystopian Hulu show strikes a chord with me.” It strikes a chord with everyone, Liz—Not be Captain Obvi but….THAT’S WHY IT WORKS!


The Vagical Mysterty Tour took a short RnR at the halfway point!

Lizz Winstead spoke to the Democratic Mayors Association  in Miami over the weekend, told some jokes, and then told them their local clinics needing all of their support. The tour might take a break, but spreading the message of reproductive rights never stops!

Kicking back up again in Chicago tomorrow night with Alonzo Bodden, K’Valentine, Joyelle Johnson, Leah Bonnema, Dina Nina Martinez, Lizz Winstead and special guest, DR. WILLIE PARKER!



LPJL Daily Takedown – June 19th, 2017

SHOCKER: “Democratic” Governor John Bel Edwards Pulls a Dick Move Against Women

SWAMP THINGS: LOUISIANA is one of those states where knuckle-draggers from both parties work together to attack abortion rights in a BITE-PARTISAN manner. John Bel Edwards (the Democratic Governor who keeps forgetting he’s a Democrat) has signed a Republican-sponsored bill making parental consent rules tougher on young Louisianans who need an abortion. An underaged unmarried person (because that’s a thing) already needs a notarized statement from their legal guardian to get an abortion. Now, that guardian must also cough up government-issued ID! Gee, what a great way to target immigrants, the poor, AND anyone wanting to access their abortion rights!


Birth Control Prevents Two Things – Pregnancy and Lawmakers from NOT creating new assholes from their DNA.

ST. LOUIS BLUES: We’ve been keeping an eye on the Missouri misogyny hobbyists who are literally working overtime (in a special session) to roll back reproductive rights—including overturning a St. Louis city ordinance that bans discrimination against anyone who has an abortion, uses birth control, or becomes pregnant.


Ken Midkiff: Another White Man Given an Op-ed on Abortion – and Spoiler Alert- he wants to be your Labial Gatekeeper

MORE MESS-OURI: The “Show Me” State doesn’t seem to be showing us anything good. Today the ongoing fuckery in Missouri gives us a twofer. The latest from the Columbia Missourian features yet another op-ed on abortion… surprise, surprise, by yet another aging white guy. This one opines about how abortion is a “matter of beliefs.” No, my SILVERBACK friend, Abortion isn’t a matter of beliefs, it’s a matter of FACTS. When will these people learn Government would be so much better off if we could “pray the pray away.”


What Drought? California Might Make it Rain ($20 Mill, to be Exact) on Health Clinics if Trump’s Bullshit Passes

GUARDIANS AT THE (GOLDEN) GATE: What Drought? California might make it rain ($20 million, to be exact) on health clinics in the Golden State. The money would go to Planned Parenthood and other clinics threatened by Trump cuts and attacks on funding for women’s health and contraception coming out of Republican-occupied Washington. California grows its share of nuts, like CA Assembly member Shannon Grove, who blamed the drought on “God’s wrath over abortion.” But now less shitty heads are prevailing, and California will help fund reproductive care… and hope there’s not a rain of frogs.


Abortion Clinic Violence Happens Once in a Blue Moon, According to Robin Engel. NO BIG DEAL

We need a BUFFER ZONE! 10 anti-abortion protesters had to be arrested outside a LOUISVILLE clinic during an incident in May. The putrid politicos who are inciting these thugs claim that kind of shit is “one incident” that’s “being blown out of proportion.” This isn’t something that happens rarely. Outside agitators and homegrown nutcases daily HARASS AND HARANGUE patients and clinic workers. And they’re fighting attempts to get Louisville to establish an 8-foot buffer zone to provide at least SOME protection. LPJL will be in town to help! Come on out and show your support at our Vagical Mystery Tour show in Louisville—or look for a show in your area!



YOUR DAILY SHAME: Poor Maddi Runkles! The 17-year-old got pregnant and when she toed the conservative line and decided to go through with the pregnancy, her “CHRISTIAN” school banned the 4.0 student from the graduation ceremony! As if that wasn’t bad enough, local MARYLAND anti-choice VULTURES swooped in and doubled down on the shame-fest by giving Maddi her a separate graduation ceremony. This is Summa Cum A LOTTA bullshit! Unlike other young women forced into her situation, Maddi will at least find a degree of support—as long as the ANTI’s think she has a big future in being used as PROPaganda.



The Vagical Mystery Tour spent the weekend in Omaha! You’d think after driving in a van for hours, the LPJL team would want a break from getting behind wheels of any kind. NAH. In fact, we brought our friends from the Bellevue Health Clinic out for a little afternoon go-cart racing followed by yet another VAG-TASTIC night of stand up comedy! Comedians Alex English, Joyelle Johnson, Aparna Nancherla, Jaye McBride & Lizz Winstead delivered the funny on silver platters and musician Tina Schlieskie brought it home! What an honor it was also to have Dr. Leory Carhart in attendance and part of the Tour’s talkback – informing the community on what they can do to support one of the few abortion clinics remaining in Nebraska.

LPJL Daily Takedown – June 14, 2017

An Olympic Medalist Says She Doesn’t Know Another Track Athlete Who “Hasn’t Had An Abortion”


YOU CAN RUN… (BC) But you can’t outrun the reality of unintended pregnancy! Olympic track and field medalist Sanya Richards-Ross has come forward with the story of her abortion shortly before the 2008 Olympics. She’s also sharing the fact that she do9esn’t know a single female track athlete who HASN’T had an abortion. These are women whose careers center around taking care of their bodies—and that MUST include full autonomy over their reproductive lives! Richards-Ross says she wants to get rid of the stigma around abortion—and she’s doing a world class job of it! Scream it from the highest podium Sanya!


Behind the numbers: How to Make Sense of Utah’s Abortion Rate for Married Women

St. Louis Post-Dispatch

STATISTICAL MORMONOMALY? Did we just say the abortion access is something that EVERYBODY NEEDS? Even those who say they don’t want it may someday need it. Case-in-ironic-point: UTAH leads the nation in the percentage of women having abortions who are married women. By a LOT. Over 25 percent of Utah women who get abortions are married, versus only 15 percent nationwide. Some years, Utah hits 40 percent! That’s because Mormons get married at a rate only exceeded by wedding cake figurines. Still, it goes to show that we’re all in this together—even those who think they’re not. For now.


Greitens Uses Religion, Women as Political Tools

St. Louis Post-Dispatch

TOOL TIME: OUR SHERO, THE INCOMPARABLE MISSOURI State Rep. Stacey Newman issues a SMACKDOWN on Mo Gov Eric Greitens for using religion and women as tools to enact his anti-choice agenda—and of being an all-around tool himself. This Puritanical poser has called a special session of Missouri’s legislature purely to enact harsh (and undoubtedly unconstitutional) new restrictions on reproductive rights in Big Mo. Rep. Newman says Greitens is cynically using his Reform Judaism (which she shares) to attack reproductive rights—in opposition to actual Reform teaching. AND he’s using his anti-woman crusade to attract lobbyist money. This stunted troll needs to stop the stunts! Preach Stacy!


NHS-funded abortion ban upheld by UK Supreme Court due to government’s ‘respect’ for Northern Ireland Assembly


R-E-S-P-E-C-T… Do we have to always spell it out for these frogs? The Supreme Court of the United Kingdom ruled against abortion rights for women in Northern Ireland out of “respect” for Northern Ireland… and blatant DIS-respect for the women of Northern Ireland. The Court ruled that Northern Ireland’s abortion ban means that women from there cannot travel to England to get abortions from the National Health Service that their tax dollars support. It would be like if, in the US… oh wait—we don’t have Medicaid-funded abortions for ANYONE… not to mention no NHS-like universal healthcare! So what the UK did sucks—almost as bad as what the US does every day.


 Can You Trust Abortion Industry ‘Science’?

DO NOT LINK: Federalist

SCIENCE FICTION—Anti-abortion pseudo-experts love to attack actual science as “abortion industry science.” These phonies try to discredit real researchers by creating an “us versus them” alternate facts world where they simply reject facts they don’t like. The scientific facts around it are facts, not just something you can reject.

Abortion isn’t an industry—it’s a Constitutionally-protected right. You know how you can tell it’s NOT an industry? If it was,, this country would be subsidizing the fuck out of it.


GOP Senators Willing To “Give” On Issues (Like Abortion) To Get Health Care Bill Passed

DO NOT LINK: Independent

“GIVE” US A BREAK: A Fox News reporter tweets “Some conservative GOP [Senators] tell Fox they’d be willing to ‘give’ on social issues like abortion if it meant they could pass health care bill.” HEY, DIP-STICKS! You can’t “Give” us what we’ve already got—per the US SUPREME COURT! Go ahead and try to pass your SHITSHOW healthcare bill, but don’t pretend that GOP senators are caving, women actually also have some rights that are protected by the constitution. Wait, is that still true? I think it’s still true. Shit, I’m not sure as of this posting. Let’s go with we do.



Everyone knows LPJL specializes in myth-crashing when it comes to abortion, so it should come as no surprise that the Vagical Mystery Tour also debunked the myth that “word of mouth is dead.” With no press in OKC because the anti choice bullies own the local media, we STILL managed fill Every. Single. Seat! THANK YOU to the ACO @ UCO Performance Theater team for making it a great night for comedy and repro-rights activism! NEXT STOP – WICHITA! The Tour makes its way to Barleycorn’s on Thursday June 14th and BTW – The Liberty Press thinks it would behoove you and your friends to be in attendance!

The F.A.C.E Don’t Wanna Hear It.

ICYMI: This past saturday,  Ten anti abortion extremists were arrested in Louisville KY, outside the last remaining abortion clinic in that state.

Apparently, these “nothin-better- to-dos” think accessing an abortion should be more like “Ultimate Beastmaster” than just… idk… walking in a clinic on time for your appointment.  

Why do I know all of this? Because it was plastered all over CNN and MSNBC? Yeah, Right. Nope, I know it because I was there, volunteering as an escort at the clinic and it was batshit so I wanted to give you an idea of what the day was like and let you know how YOU can help.
NOTE: All of the statements, opinions, comments, typed sequences of letters that form words are my own. I do NOT represent or speak for the EMW escorts or the clinic.

By 6:00 am horrible protesters had already begun to gather. By about 7:30 the sidewalk was lined with roughly 100 of them, carrying massive signs of medically inaccurate, shame-y information and images. The roughly 30-40 escorts were also getting in place too, trying to hold space around the entrance. And all of us were being subjected to the super christian-y prayer music blaring from the speakers they had set up right outside the clinic doors.

The clinic opens at 8:00am and things are non-stop until all of the patients are settled in the clinic which is generally about 9:30am. We got the word that the doors were open so a fellow escort and I began walking a woman from her car to the clinic. As we approached we noticed that the crowd wasn’t really paying attention to us. It looked more like a mass of crazy fans trying to snap a pic of the cast of Hamilton leaving the backdoor of the theatre.

Once we got close, we realized that a group of protesters had crossed the property line and were sitting, physically blocking the entrance to the clinic.

The frustrating part was that, we ended up cornered by the door having to watch as the police handled the situation. While this was happening, two other escorts and I were forming a wall between the patient and the madness.

Eventually it did happen and they carted off ten protesters and NO APPOINTMENTS were missed.

The entire time I couldn’t help but think how the officers were completely misplaced in being respectful to these people breaking the law when the person behind me is the one being denied access to their totally LEGAL HUMAN RIGHT! Not once did any of the eight officers acknowledge the patient as we stood there for what felt like the longest ten minutes of my life.

Eventually it did happen and they carted off ten protesters and no appointments were missed.

Hear that? Talk to the hand cause the F.A.C.E. don’t wanna hear it.

That’s F.A.C.E as in the Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances Act which was signed in 1994 by President Bill Clinton after violence against abortion providers and reproductive healthcare facilities began to spike.

Which if you want to understand real domestic terrorism you’ll take a gander at the The National Abortion Federation’s tally of all the reported violence against abortion providers.

The scary part here is that this isn’t the end. These people are holding their super FUN-damentally fucked up national convention outside the clinic from July 22-29th. Over 5,000 people have been invited to make the trip and join in on the harassment.

Let’s do the math-  Of all the people that click “attending” on your Facebook invites, how many actually show up? Even if only 10% attend, that means things could be even more batshit than last weekend.

There are so many ways to support this movement. You can become an abortion doula, volunteer for an abortion fund hotline, plan an event to benefit your local clinic, call your senator and tell them you support access, send postcards of support to providers or help fight stigma and shame by talking about abortion in your daily life.

For me, clinic escorting is probably the most rewarding. I love it. I think it feeds my soul. I’m tall and big and I think my body is built for it. Meaning, I can be the totally non-engaging bodyguard providing a source of comfort alongside a patient encountering protesters for the first time.

Luckily, the clinic has an amazing team of dedicated escorts that are out there every day. They are organized and fucking ready. These people rock. Some of the people on their team have been doing it for over 15 years. I am a measly little newbie. I’m so insanely honored that they have let me join them.

DONATE TO THEM! They need your support to be ready for this onslaught of extremists in July.

The anti’s incessant desire to shove their flagrant beliefs down the throats of others through shame and stigma is why I stand on the sidewalk and it’s one of the HUGE reasons Lady Parts Justice League is hitting the ground for two months this summer on our Vagical Mystery Tour, so we can help amazing escorts in 16 cities breath a little easier and work to grow their community support.

Join us along the way! We can put you to werk!