LPJL Daily Takedown – July 19th, 2017

Professional Stalker David Daleiden #CantStopWontStop Spreading Lies

UTTER CONTEMPT: Slimeball propagandist David Daleiden has just been held in contempt of court for continuing to release illegally obtained and heavily tampered-with videos. Da-LIE-den is one of the vidiots from the so-called Center for Medical Progress who released tapes in 2015 that were doctored to indicate Planned Parenthood was selling fetal remains. The tapes were shown to be bullshit and PP was cleared of any wrongdoing. And now this virtual stalker is charged with 15 felonies for secretly recorded videos—videos that his lawyers CONTINUE to publicize in defiance of a court order. All of the illegal activity involving these tapes has been committed by Daleiden and the people who made them!  


 Not Real Science 101- An Intro to “Abortion Reversal”

REVERSE ENGINEERING: Anti-abortion myth-makers have been busily concocting another lie to foist on the public—one that we at LPJL have been warning you about. It’s the pseudo-scientific turd pie of being able to “reverse” medication abortions by intervening in the 24 to 36 hours between the taking of the two pills that are used in the procedure. The “science” behind reversal is anecdotal quackery being pushed mostly by one obsessed doctor. But thanks to his fairy tales, now 10 states require abortion providers to LIE TO PATIENTS and tell them that medication abortions can be “reversed.” Anti-abortion scammers are hiding behind fake science the way they hide behind phony efforts to “help women” with TRAP laws that only harm patients. If anti-choice people had anything good to say, they could say it without hiding behind lies. 


Helping #ExposeFakeClinics: A Tutorial

The More You Know, The More You #ExposeFakeClinics

DON’T GET FAKED OVER by fake clinics! And learn how to expose them to protect others! July 17 to 26 is Expose Fake Clinics Week, where we shine a light on the anti-choice maggots under the slimy rock of deception. Fake clinics are those “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” (CPC’s) that fool people seeking abortion services or information into thinking they’re an actual medical facility. Then the unwitting victims are deluged with lies and shaming designed to pressure them out of making their own decisions. And of course these shame-mills are generously funded by your tax dollars in many states. Texas alone has thrown millions to these scamsters. LPJL IS FIGHTING BACK AGAINST THESE HORRIBLE PLACES, in fact check out yesterday’s protest in Pittsburgh in our Vagical Mystery Tour update below to see what LPJL is doing to fight back! 


Land of the Semi-Free, Home of the State by State Attack on Repro Rights

STATES OF EMERGENCY! While most of the media is transfixed by the shit-show going on in Washington, the real work of building an evil empire of theocratic hate and misogyny is going on at the state level. And reproductive rights are a prime target. In 2017 alone, 28 states have tried to put more restrictions on abortion, with many of them aiming to eliminate it entirely. Even Texas, which had their HB2 slapped down by the Supreme Court, went right back to more weasel-work to undermine abortion rights. There are efforts all over the country to ban the safest and most common 2nd trimester abortion procedure, force fetal tissue “burials,” and make it harder for minors to exercise choice. And taxpayer money continues to be wasted on fake clinics and abstinence programs. That’s why LPJL works tirelessly to inform you about what’s happening in YOUR state! 


From the Antis: Can You Believe Planned Parenthood Thinks Even SEX WORKERS Deserve Healthcare?

TRAFFIC SCAM. Jeezus! Is there any depth anti-abortion hate-mongers won’t sink to? They try to smear abortion care providers as abetting sex trafficking when the providers offer possibly life-saving care to sex workers, including those who may be caught up in trafficking. These ghouls send undercover “journalists”/stalkers to clinics posing as pimps. When the clinics offer to help the victims, they’re portrayed as being involved in “underage sex trafficking.” I guess the “pro-life” approach would be to cast them out for their sins and let them rot with whatever medical problems their victimhood has caused them. Compassion means care, not judgment, dickwads! 



Our LPJL Pittsburgh stop has gone next level as we #ExposeFakeClinics

Spoiler Alert: Fake clinics hate when you come armed with facts – especially when those facts come from badasses in costumes

Check out the fun we had here and once you’re all riled up – come to Mr Smalls TONIGHT, doors 7pm!


LPJ League’s “Do It Dudes” Do Abortion

It’s TRAP law Wednesday and that means it’s the day the Lady Parts Justice League releases a new video to raise awareness about TRAP laws —  the insidious anti-abortion regulations extremists are inserting into legislation all over the country. These laws result in closing down clinics and making access to abortion almost impossible for the most vulnerable.

Texas state senator Wendy Davis famously stood for 13 hours fighting them in 2013 but, alas, Texas held ‘em. Altogether, 24 states have passed these laws. But now, a Texas-based clinic is taking Wendy’s fight all the way to the Supreme Court.

On March 2nd, the Court will hear oral arguments in Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt, the biggest abortion case to reach SCOTUS in over 24 years. This case could change the face of abortion access in this country forever…and most people don’t even know that these laws exist or that this case is happening. So it’s a Big Fucking Deal.

ENTER the Lady Parts Justice League.

We are trying to drop knowledge leading up to the SCOTUS case through videos explaining these terrifying laws through our signature satirical lens.

This week, we put a twist on Buzzfeed’s “Try Guys,” the hit video series about three guys trying their hand at everything from UFC fighting to K-Pop dance moves. Our “Do It Dudes,” a similar trio of cis guys, use this whacky approach to show the difficulty in accessing something really real…like an abortion.

After all, what better way to explain the obstacles of abortion access in the United States than by showing what happens when dude-bros try to get an abortion. AMIRITE?!

So after you have a good laugh on us, get angry and visit our TRAP laws page to learn more about this shit-fuckery and what you can do to help #StopTheSham.

Watch more Lady Parts Justice League videos on Youtube. 

Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt Oral Arguments Translated LPJ League-style

*Editor’s Note: Originally posted March 4, 2016*

This blog was written by LPJ League’s Ashley Gray. Follow her on twitter: @SmashleyGray

Hey Leaguers! Want to get the scoop on Wednesday’s oral arguments in Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt but don’t have time to read the 93 pages of transcriptions? Does fancy lawyer talk make you sleepy like it does us?

Never fear! LPJ League’s own resident constitutional law nerd read the transcripts for us and translated some key moments in true Lady Parts fashion. Here are some of our favorite moments from Wednesday’s oral arguments and our interpretations of them. Spoiler alert: the female justices took charge, kicked ass, and put HB2 through the ringer… there were two rallies that day, both outside and inside the court.

#1.) That moment when Justice Roberts thought clinics were just magically shutting down on their own.

CHIEF JUSTICE ROBERTS: I’m sorry. Yeah. What is the evidence in the record that the closures are related to the legislation?

Translation: How do we know that these TRAP laws were the cause of all these clinics in Texas shutting down? Maybe it was just ‘cuz the Spurs were in town.


STEPHANIE TOTI (legal counsel for the lead plaintiff, Whole Woman’s Health): The ­­– the timing is part of the evidence, Your Honor, and the testimony of the plaintiffs about the reasons why their clinics closed. So that the plaintiffs testified that clinics closed in anticipation of enforcement in some cases, and in some cases because of actual enforcement of the requirements.

Translation: Because facts.


JUSTICE GINSBURG: Can we go on to the second piece; that is, the ambulatory surgical centers? That was not part of the last case. And your position on that is that that is a discrete claim, so it’s not barred by a claim preclusion.

Translation: NEXT!

#2.) When Justice Alito circled back to Justice Robert’s complaint of not knowing exactly why the clinics in Texas closed and Justice Kagan stepped in to shut the whole thing down.

JUSTICE ALITO: But my point is why is there not direct evidence about particular clinics?

Translation: But do we reeeaaally know that it was HB2 that closed almost half the clinics in the entire state at relatively the same exact time?


JUSTICE GINSBURG: You said you had direct evidence for clinics and you were going to supply us with that ­­ those record citations later. That’s ­­understood you to say?

Translation: Alito, if you’d shut the fuck up for a second, she’d be able to give you the evidence you’re asking for!


TOTI: Yes. Yes, Your Honor. Absolutely. But I think what’s –what’s important to keep in mind here…



JUSTICE KAGAN: And is it right that in the two ­week period that the ASC requirement was in effect, that over a dozen facilities shut their doors, and then when that was stayed, when that was lifted, they reopened again immediately; is that right? It’s almost like the perfect controlled experiment as to the effect of the law, isn’t it? It’s like you put the law into effect, 12 clinics closed. You take the law out of effect, they reopen.

Translation: Logic, guys. It’s not that hard. <yawn>


#3.) When Justice Sotomayor pointed out that TRAP laws are only targeted at abortion providers and not other medical professionals who perform much riskier procedures.

JUSTICE SOTOMAYOR: So your point, I’m taking, is that the two main health reasons show that this law was targeted at abortion only?

Translation: So this is pretty unfair, huh? These regulations are only for abortion providers?


CHIEF JUSTICE ROBERTS: Thank you, counsel.

Translation: K, you’ve made your point.


JUSTICE SOTOMAYOR: I’m sorry. Is there any other medical condition by taking the pills that are required to be done in hospital, not as a prelude to a procedure in hospital, but an independent, you know–I know there are cancer treatments by pills now. How many of those are required to be done in front of a doctor?

Translation: #SorryNotSorry for railroading you, Chief Justice, but I’m gonna go ahead and ask another question anyway: Do other medical facilities require their patients to take their pills inside a huge, expensive surgical center with their doctor present? Cancer facilities? Anyone? ….Bueller? ….Bueller?


STEPHANIE TOTI: None, Your Honor. There ­­ there­ are no other medication requirements and no other outpatient procedures that are required by law to be performed in an ASC.

Translation: Nah… just the laydeez. <girl emoji>


#4.) When Mr. Keller, the Texas Solicitor General who was defending the HB2 law, told the court that women in El Paso, TX could just cross the state border and get their abortions in New Mexico and Notorious RBG was not having it.

JUSTICE GINSBURG: That’s ­­odd that you point to the New Mexico facility. New Mexico doesn’t have any surgical ­­ ASC requirement, and it doesn’t have any admitting requirement. So if your argument is right, then New Mexico is not an available way out for Texas because Texas says to protect our women, we need these things. But send them off to Mexico–New Mexico–where they don’t get it either, no admitting privileges, no ASC. And that’s perfectly all right. Well, if that’s all right for the ­­women in the El Paso area, why isn’t it right for the rest of the women in Texas?

Translation: So what you’re telling me is that this law, requiring abortion clinics to turn themselves into ambulatory surgical centers, is supposed to make abortion safer for women… And in the same breath you’re also telling us that this law, which is closing all of these Texas clinics, isn’t *that* bad because women in areas where no abortion providers are left can just go to another state to get their abortion procedures. But those states don’t have these same “safety” requirements. So according to your logic, you think it’s okay to send Texas women to another state that doesn’t have the same safety regulations that you’re calling for. So this law isn’t actually necessary at all, is it? **GOTCHA, BITCH!** <drops mic>


#5.) When Justice Sotomayor and Justice Ginsburg [resident SCOTUS badasses] challenged Mr. Keller on the whole point of HB2 and why it exists.

JUSTICE SOTOMAYOR: I’m not talking about the doctrine. I’m talking about the question I asked, which is, according to you, the slightest health improvement is enough to impose on hundreds of thousands of women ­­ even assuming I accept your argument, which I don’t, necessarily, because it’s being challenged ­­but the slightest benefit is enough to burden the lives of a million women. That’s your point?

Translation: You think the tiniest possible health benefit that may come out of this law is worth the huge burden it will place on a million women in Texas? Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?!


JUSTICE GINSBURG: What is the benefit of the medical, the two pills that you take, what is the benefit of having an ambulatory surgical center to take two pills when there’s no ­­surgical procedure at all involved? …And, just it’s, ­­I can’t imagine. What is the benefit of having a woman take those pills in an ambulatory surgical center when there is no surgery involved?

Translation: I’m no doctor, but I am a human with a brain and this is total utter bullshit, bro. You don’t need to take abortion pills at a hospital, and your poor mansplaining of women’s health is rendering me almost speechless.


#6.) When Justice Kennedy, who is poised to be the potential swing vote in this case, had this amazing moment of clarity while confronting Mr. Keller (who also happens to be Kennedy’s former clerk…AWKWARD!)

JUSTICE KENNEDY: But I thought an underlying theme, or at least an underlying factual demonstration, is that this law has really increased the number of surgical procedures as opposed to medical procedures, and that this may not be medically wise.

Translation: This law seems to hurt women. HB2 is forcing women, who could just take the abortion pill, to have an invasive surgical procedure instead… not cool, dude.


#7.) That moment when Justice Breyer asked for any evidence that showed that doctors having admitting privileges at a nearby hospital would have made a difference when a patient experienced complications.

JUSTICE BREYER: Okay. So I want to know, go back in time to the period before the new law was passed, where in the record will I find evidence of women who had complications, who could not get to a hospital, even though there was a working arrangement for admission, but now they could get to a hospital because the doctor himself has to have admitting privileges? Which were the women? On what page does it tell me their names, what the complications were, and why that happened?

Translation: Give me some evidence that shows how requiring an abortion provider to have admitting privileges at a nearby hospital makes any sort of difference for a patient’s quality of care if they should experience complications from the procedure.


KELLER: Justice Breyer, that is not in the record.

Translation: :::crickets chirping:::


JUSTICE BREYER: So what is the benefit to the woman of a procedure that is going to cure a problem of which there is not one single instance in the nation, though perhaps there is one, but not in Texas.

Translation: Why is Texas heavily regulating abortion clinics if abortion seems to be a pretty safe procedure?


#8.) When RBG gave the ultimate fact smackdown in regards to early stage abortion procedures vs. childbirth and the health risks involved.

JUSTICE GINSBURG: But what is the legitimate interest in protecting their health? What evidence is there that under the prior law, the prior law was not sufficiently protective of the women’s health? As I understand it, this is one of the lowest­ risk procedures, and you give a horrible example from Pennsylvania, but absolutely nothing from Texas. As far as we know, this is among the most safe, the least risk procedures, an early­ stage abortion. So what was ­­ what was the problem that the legislature was responding to that it needed to improve the facilities for women’s health? As compared to childbirth, many, many– much riskier procedure, is it not?

….Is there really any dispute that childbirth ­­(Laughter.) is a much riskier procedure than an early stage abortion?

Translation: So let’s get this straight… You can’t give us any evidence that this law was even responding to any sort of problem with early-stage abortion procedures in the first place. You cited an unlicenced back-alley abortion provider (Kermit Gosnell) from Pennsylvania that has nothing to do with this law or the situation in Texas. First trimester abortions are among the safest medical procedures available to women, not to mention much safer than childbirth itself. HAHAHAHA what a joke.


#9.) And when Justice Sotomayor perfectly illustrated how ridiculous HB2 is and also how unfair it is to abortion providers.

JUSTICE SOTOMAYOR: I don’t mean to ­­negate that one should try to avoid injury to anyone, and don’t take my question as that, but there are people who die from complications from aspirin. May be unusual, but there’s a certain percentage that do that. Yet, we don’t require that people take aspirins in ASC centers or in hospitals.

Translation: Of course we don’t want anyone to be harmed from having a medical procedure, and it happens on the rare occasion, but that doesn’t mean we have to overhaul our entire way of doing things because there’s a less than 1% chance of something going wrong. People have died from taking aspirin, but we just have a little warning printed on the bottle, we don’t require people to take aspirin in the presence of their doctor. Why should we do that with a first trimester abortion?


#10.) Justice Breyer weighing the benefit and the burden of HB2.

JUSTICE BREYER: …I mean, you read the briefs, and you’ve read the same articles I have. And of course the argument is if you lead to self-­induced abortion, you will find many more women dying. So if the concern is this tiny risk of dying through a complication in a clinic, is this a remedy that will in fact achieve the legislature’s health­ saving purpose?

Translation: When clinics close, women start trying to self-induce abortions on their own and many end up dying from this. You’re claiming that this law is to improve the health and safety for women when, in reality, it’s actually doing the opposite. So is this really about helping women? Or is it about closing clinics and cutting off access to abortion?


It was an epic showdown at SCOTUS on Wednesday. It was difficult to narrow it down, but these were just some of our favorite parts of the Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt oral arguments. If you’d like to take a stab at it, you can read the entire transcripts here. All eyes are on Justice Kennedy now, who could very well decide the fate of abortion access in the United States. If they don’t kick this case back to the lower courts for more information, we are confident that the court will stand on the right side of history.

This blog was written by LPJ League’s Ashley Gray. Follow her on twitter: @SmashleyGray

Lady Parts & the Justice

POD_front_021516 finalIn the immediate aftermath of the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, the very first thing to happen was Mitch McConnell announcing that America must grind to a halt until there is a Republican in the White House or they can find a way to reanimate Scalia’s corpse.


But almost as quickly, there was a predictable outpouring of relief from progressives along the familiar lines of the Wizard of Oz “Ding dong…” meme. That of course was shortsighted and wrong — a person’s death is never a reason to celebrate… especially when that death doesn’t really alter the immediate status quo. And if McConnell succeeds in his plan to halt the forward march of time, a Supreme Court without Scalia is the very epitome of gridlocked status quo.


Until a replacement is on the bench, the polarized SCOTUS will undoubtedly divide 4-4 on any hot button issue, and as we know, there are no hotter buttons than the ones attached to Lady Parts. In the event of a tie in a Supreme Court decision, the lower court ruling stands. And the lower court ruling on the biggest abortion rights case currently before the court is a real turd pie.  


The case of Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt is about the restrictive TRAP laws that the state of Texas has imposed to squeeze abortion clinics out of business. The conservative 5th Circuit Court ruled that Texas is free to treat women who need an abortion like meth heads who are trying to knock over a liquor store to get money for a fix — a scenario that is only slightly more regulated in Texas than an underage rape victim trying to get an abortion.  


A Supreme Court without Justice Antonin Scalia will have much less colorful opinions (you won’t hear Chief Justice John Roberts use terms like “higgledy piggledy” or “jiggery pokery.”) But it won’t be any closer to ensuring reproductive rights are respected until a suitable replacement is named and approved. So don’t go celebrating a person’s demise… when you should be actively working to make the most of the world they’ve left behind.