LPJL Daily Takedown – July 14th, 2017

Reading Between the Lines, Cecile Richards, “What the actual f*ck with this latest healthcare bill?”

SENATE HEALTHCARE BILL MITCH-SLAPS AMERICA!  Mitch McConnell’s new healthcare bill is even more of a kick in the uterus than the previous version. As Planned Parenthood’s Cecile Richards points out, the denial of funding for PP causes as many as 15 percent of low-income and rural women to lose access to everything from cancer screenings to birth control. Oh, and it will mean that as many as 13 million women lose maternity care. Mitch McConnell promises a lot with his shitty bill, but the things it’s guaranteed to deliver are more undetected cancer and more unintended pregnancies—the circle of life, GOP style!


When Republicans Jump In Fetus-First, Women Drown.

BIRTHRIGHT”s AND WRONGS: Now you can see everything we’ve been telling you about presented in cinematic splendor in a new documentary called “Birthright: A War Story” from filmmakers Civia Tamarkin and Luchia Fisher. It’s all about the continuous war on abortion rights and how that translates to a war on women. As Tamarkin says in this Salon interview “if you keep pushing a fetus-first mentality, women are going to be punished.” And as we say every day, anti-choice forces are doling out that punishment all the time in every state of the union and in countries all over the world. GET WOKE!


All Roads Lead to Abortion, Even Losing Net Neutrality Would Lead to Attack on Repro Rights

NET LOSSES: Think your reproductive rights aren’t bound up, intertwined, and dependent on all your other rights? Google it while you still can. Losing net neutrality could cripple the struggle for abortion rights. It would leave those fighting to organize for your rights exposed to the whims of internet providers—and leave everyone’s personal data at risk. If corporate internet service providers have control over what’s on your phones and computers, then they’ll eventually have more control over everything from your data to your uterus! Net neutrality IS Free Speech IS Abortion Rights—let them take anything that’s yours and you could lose everything that’s yours!


Woke Bae Canada says abortion is a “tool to end poverty”

OH, CANADA! OH YES! Our northern neighbor seems totally WOKE just when lots of the US.. is dazed and confused by anti-choice fakery and fuckery. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s Minister of International Development, just called abortion “a tool to end poverty!!” Hear that, the rest of you FUCKING TOOLS down here? The Minister said we “have to give [women] the control over their lives. So we shouldn’t look at contraception as the objective. This is not the objective. This is only a tool to reduce poverty and inequality and to make an impact in terms of development and peace and security in the world.” It’s what we’ve always said—ABORTION RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS. While the bloated yak that controls this country imposes global gag orders denying poor women reproductive autonomy, at least there are pockets on the North American continent where a little sanity survives. THANK YOU, CANADA!


Who Should Decide if I Get an Abortion: Me, myself, and..my family, my rapist, and my local law enforcement?

RAZORBACKWARDS! The ARKANSAS legislature seems to be running neck in neck in a race with neighboring nut-jobs in Missouri to see who can move backwards on abortion rights. Right now arguments are being heard in a court case over four unconstitutional anti-choice laws recently puked out by Arkansas lawmakers. The laws ban the safest and most common method of 2nd trimester abortion,  so-called “sex selection,” forces abortion patients under 18 to submit tissue samples to local law enforcement (!!!), and require providers to inform an abortion patient’s family, partner or rapist so they have can have a say in the disposal of the fetal remains. No wonder the symbol of Arkansas is a wild pig.


Once Again Religious Groups Worried They Will Have to Be Inclusive and Welcoming to Others

RULES? RULES ARE ONLY FOR OTHER PEOPLE! Just when you think they can’t get any worse, the conspiracy of dicks who are spewing anti-abortion laws at a special session of the MISSOURI legislature sink to another new low. One of the laws they’re crafting, bans cities from enacting or enforcing “any order, ordinance, rule, regulation, policy, or other similar measure that prohibits, restricts, limits, controls, directs, interferes with, or otherwise adversely affects an alternatives-to-abortion agency” or their staff. In other words So the same ass-wipes who pass TRAP laws to drown abortion clinics in regulations want to make it ILLEGAL for cities to pass ANY laws regulating phony “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” at all! Or anything that “adversely affects” a CPC! Abortion clinics can be shut down over their shrubbery choices, while CPC’s aren’t subject to any rules whatsoever.


That Moment When A 12 Year Old Knows Their Body Better Than a F*cking District Attorney

ALABAMA SHAMES: And finally, there’s ALABAMA, where a 12-year-old FINALLY got permission for an abortion after suffering statutory rape by a family member. This child doesn’t know who her father is, and had to be removed from her mother who reacted violently. She sought a waiver on Alabama’s parental consent law. Unbelievably, some Alabama district attorney actually objected. Thank God a judge approved the waiver. It’s this type of real nightmare scenario that reminds us why abortion rights and reproductive autonomy are so necessary in our society. Best wishes for this abused child, and shame on the DA who tried to stop her from alleviating her torment.



You could call us sell outs and you wouldn’t be wrong after another SOLD OUT Vagical Mystery Tour stop in Cleveland! Thanks to Cleveland Scene Magazine for the shout out 😉 The room was packed with people ready to call out some of Ohio’s shitty politicians and the fact that 93% of Ohio counties are left without abortion providers. Well informed AND salty? Cleveland, you’re our kind of town.

Just TWO more chances to watch the Vagic happen live! Pittsburgh and Louisville, get READY.

#vagicalmysterytour Did you know 93% of counties in Ohio don't have an abortion provider??

A post shared by Planned Parenthood NEOH (@standwithppinneoh) on



It’s not only Sean Spicer making horrible Holocaust analogies this week. Anti-abortion extremists do it every day.

Let the hate parade begin!

America’s anti-choice sweetheart, Mike Huckabee, has made this ridiculous comparison before saying that when Nazi’s began to exterminate Jewish people, “educated scientists, sophisticated and cultured people looked the other way because they thought it didn’t touch them. “This is why every person must get involved – you have to stand up and speak up or this is what can happen,” he said. “Once a culture begins to devalue human life, it begins to deteriorate.” #FunFact: Once a culture becomes a probiotic, you can poop better!

Next up, Personhood USA! This extremist group made a video saying things like, “Saying it’s OK to choose is the same thing as saying it’s OK for Hitler to choose.” The “film” (if you can call a piece of lying garbage a film), shows very graphic footage of the actual Holocaust from WWII, and does several man-on-the-street interviews where the evangelical pastor, Ray Comfort tries to persuade people into saying that abortion is the same thing. #FunFact: Ray Comfort teamed up with Kirk Cameron and a banana to disprove evolution.

Oh, and if you want subtle abortion/holocaust references, the group Survivors of the Abortion Holocaust may be your thing. They believe that anyone born after January 22nd, 1973 (When Roe vs. Wade was passed)  is a “survivor of the American abortion holocaust.” They “recognize the urgency of this war,” and go on to state their mission, which is to “encourage and empower the youth of today as they dare to rise up against the slaughter of innocent children through abortion” and “engage in a battle to end America’s genocide.” #FunFact: I have no fun fact here; it’s just awful.

You may not call him an extremist (or talented), but he certainly has the spotlight because he’s the host of ‘America’s Got an Extremist Shithead.’ Nick Cannon! Nick went on the radio in November and said “Hillary was sneaking and cheating, think of all the stuff they did with Planned Parenthood.” “That type of stuff is to take our community and – forget gentrification, it’s real genocide. And it’s been like that for years.”

Even our neighbors to the North had a recent incident. During a mandatory Grade 10-12 religion class, students at a Canadian Catholic High School were forced to watch a presentation given by a woman from an anti-choice group in the area including this horrible video, “The Case Against Abortion, Personhood.” It starts out by philosophising about what ‘personhood’ is and then around the 1.20 mark abruptly starts talking about the Auschwitz death camp and Hitler’s “scheme by which severely disabled children could be murdered.” The subtitles continue with, “Then once the war began, this killing was extended to disabled adults as well (and then to all ‘unwanted’ persons’).” You start to see what they’re ridiculously grasping at.

What drives all of these people on their quest for anti-choice douchebaggery? Most of the time, religion. And even MORE most of the time; Catholicism. The Catholic Media Coalition is a group of “Catholic writers, webmasters, editors, and others engaged in producing media for and about the Catholic Church.” In one article they state, “How many Christians today are doing the same thing in regard to the Abortion Holocaust?” In reference to Hitler’s Holocaust they say, “It is happening all over again in America with abortion.”

At the end of the day, NO ONE should be making Holocaust comparisons, especially anti-choice creeps spreading lies!


Fighting Zombie Laws (Shirts Optional)

Canada is really close to becoming a total Anne Hathaway. Like, we get it, you’re perfect and know how to shake hands. But now Canada is fighting “zombies” and tbh, they’re one shirtless prime minister pic away from us finding a new country-crush because it’s all too many feels.

Zombie Laws are outdated laws that remain on the books despite being struck down in court and being totally unenforceable.  Some of these insane bans they’re looking to chainsaw out of the books include:

  • Water-skiing at night (What?!)
  • Vagrancy
  • Duelling
  • Crime comics
  • Fraudulently pretending to practice witchcraft (seriously.)

One of these totally outdated laws is…a ban on abortion.  Yup, not only does Canada have total legal abortion with zero restrictions, they’re also taking a machete to any remaining zombie grip that references banning abortion.

It’s hard not to view this late night water-ski dueling paradise as a brochure for moving to Canada. While they axe every remaining law banning abortion from record we’re in the US fighting 6-week abortion bans and a constant fear of the Pence Posse overturning Roe v Wade. So while the image of a dashing Justin Trudeau beheading zombies is appealing, we have our own zombies to fight.


Women Got Your B For Back

POD_032216-01The internet has been Plan B buzzing since Reddit user carlinha1289 posted her experience about purchasing the morning after pill for a Quebec teen. Other women jumped in to share similar experiences. Conversations are being started. Articles are being written. Women are coming together to help each other –> ’cause we cool like that.

Plan B is not an abortion bill (this is often a misCONCEPTION — get it — ahahahaha —> ok we’ll show ourselves out). The goal of Plan B is to prevent a person from getting pregnant up to 72 hours after that someone’s birth control failed or for whatever reason which is nobody’s business but their own. It’s emergency contraception, birth control in overtime.

In the United States, legally speaking, Plan B (or one of its generic forms) is available on pharmacy shelves for anyone to purchase. We say ‘legally speaking’ because we want you to know it’s your legal right; even if a pharmacy tries to do some shady shiznit like put it in an awkward place or some pimply teenage boy working at the register tells you he morally doesn’t want to sell it you. It’s there. You can buy it. Get another cashier who doesn’t have boner problems.

HOWEVER, just because it is available does not mean that girls don’t feel embarrassed getting it, that people aren’t shaming them when they’re trying to purchase it, that they can afford it, that they aren’t afraid their parents will find out and a host of other issues.

So… Women are stepping up to pay it forward. If you are in need of the Morning After Pill but are feeling scared of getting it yourself don’t be afraid to reach out. We got your Plan B back, girls looking for help, because the B is for Buddy!