LPJL Daily Takedown – July 31st, 2017

Science Backs Up What Women Were Already Saying 

MORE PESKY “SCIENCE” STUFF: A new study concludes that anybody who says abortion causes depression is FULL OF SHIT. Of course, the actual findings were expressed in more academic terms: “young women whose unwanted first pregnancies ended in abortion were at no greater risk of subsequent depressive symptoms than their counterparts who gave birth.” The study is from University of California at Berkeley Professor Anu Manchikanti Gómez—HELLO! Everything in that sentence tells you conservatives will fucking HATE it! They’ve gotten a lot out their LIE that abortion causes depression. Six states actually REQUIRE providers to tell patients that it does! Even in NEW YORK, a state senator pushes a bill every year that would require New York providers to tell patients the depression lie. You know what’s depressing? Having to fight bullshit everyday. Fight back with the facts! 

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CALIFORNIA SCREAMIN 

CHALK AND AWFUL: The latest terror tactic by anti-choice extremists is to target the homes and neighborhoods of politicians who defy them and graffiti sidewalks and streets in something they call “chalk and awe.” Really. When the SAN FRANCISCO Planning Commission approved a Planned Parenthood center, protesters went to commissioners’ neighborhoods and scrawled messages like “Stop killing babies.” They also threw in some gay slurs such as “This car is gay,” because hate, presumably. The group calls itself Survivors of the Abortion Holocaust, so they’re really doing their best to offend everyone. Commissioner Rich Hillis bravely engaged the chalkers in a dialogue, but this kind of personal assault on people’s homes needs to stop! 

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Almost Good News Out of Arkansas 

BACK AND FORTH: The legal tug-o-war’s in ARKANSAS show how much we owe to the brave and tireless people who conduct the soul-sucking battle for abortion rights in courtrooms all over America. Just today we got GOOD NEWS… and BAD NEWS from Arkansas. A U.S. District judge issued a preliminary injunction against FOUR crazy Razorback laws—one criminalizing the safest and most common method of second trimester abortions, one that allows family members to weigh in on what’s done with fetal tissue remains (!), one that would send fetal tissue samples from minors to law enforcement, and another that saddles providers with red tape regarding medical histories. But at the same time, the 8th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals lifted an injunction requiring clinics to get hospital admitting privileges. That’s a legal swampland and we want to thank entities like the ACLU and the Center for Reproductive Rights for wading into it for us! 

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Texas Republicans, Take the Summer off…PLEASE?! 

TEXAS SCOLD ‘EM: Meanwhile, the SHIT FACTORY that is the TEXAS legislature’s special session to attack abortion rights keeps on pumping out “product.”  There are bills to require separate abortion insurance policies, to prohibit any state contracts with healthcare providers that offer abortion, laws restricting minors’ access to abortion, and of course, plenty of more red tape TRAP-style laws like the notorious HB2 that the Supreme Court shot down last year. This special session has dragged on for two weeks already, and shockingly, we’ve still got TWO MORE WEEKS of this reeking sludge.

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Don’t Talk to Me Before My Monday Morning Scream 

CULTURE SHOCK: Want to see what the assault on American rights, freedoms, and values looks like to those leading the assault? Take a dip in the cesspool of Breitbart. Their list of “Seven Ways Trump is Taking Back America’s Culture” shows that a full-bore attack on reproductive rights, women, and other marginalized people is a huge part of their plan to bring back the Dark Ages. It’s all about banning abortion funding, defunding Planned Parenthood, kicking transgender people out of the military, “religious freedom,” turning HHS into an anti-choice propaganda outlet, and securing it all with Supreme Court nominees like Neil Gorsuch. That’ll bring back coal! 

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#ExposeFakeClinics

Check out Lizz’s response piece in HuffPo! “No. Facts. Given. You Must Tell The Whole Story About CPCs”

Today Anna from LPJL exposes Birthrite of Peconic, a fake clinic in Hampton Bays, NY. When Anna called to inquire about services, this CPC told Anna that they would talk her through ALL options of an unwanted pregnancy but they couldn’t refer her to a clinic that provided abortion. Here is Anna’s review!

Wanna join Anna in calling out a CPC like Birthright of Peconic but find it a little scary to call a CPC? GOOD NEWS! There are plenty of other ways you can work to #ExposeFakeClinics. You can simply increase the visibility of her post by liking the review, or you can interact with the website of another CPC and review the information on that site. And of course sharing the #ExposeFakeClinics campaign is always a win! But if calling a CPC and posting a review is your jam, let the world know who you reviewed by posting a link to it all over social so we can all upvote on it!  

DON’T FORGET: Always use the #ExposeFakeClinics hashtag!

LPJL Daily Takedown – July 21st, 2017

Anti-choice Avon Lady Karen Handel Won the Georgia Special Election

You know the former Georgia congressman who said “No one has ever died from not having health insurance?” YOU KNOW, the guy who is now in charge of THE AMERICAN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM. The guy who keeps hiring anti birth control and anti abortion Orcs to help him shape America’s healthcare policy?  Well anyway, his vacant congressional seat was just filled by Planned Parenthood defundamentalist Karen Handel. And on the same day another anti-choice bill puts a bruise on the peach state. Go Bulldogs!

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Righteous resisters in little rock are kicking some anti choice Arkans-ass

Let’s Call the hogs… out on their bullshit!! The ACLU and Planned Parenthood have both filed lawsuits to stop anti-abortion piggies from running hog wild in the Razorback state. The ACLU suit goes after a ban on the safest and most common method of abortion after the first trimester and other TRAP-law crap-laws about medical records and fetal tissue. A separate suit by Planned Parenthood challenges a law that lets the state close health clinics for being in violations of ANY rule, no matter how minor.

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Ohio is Once Again Chucking A Shit-Brick, Woman-Hating, Anti-Choice Bill Back Into The Abortion Battle

OHIO (HEART) BEAT-DOWN: Lawmakers in Ohio continue to beat a heartless 6-week ban, (which they manipulatively have named a “fetal heartbeat bill”) into the ground. They just reintroduced the fourth version in the past 6 years. It would ban abortion after a fetal heartbeat can be first detected—at around 4 weeks… or about the same time a FUCKING PREGNANCY is often first detected! This piece of shit bill is no more viable than the fetii it pretends to protect. Ohio Governor John Kasich has already vetoed an identical bill. But this gives GOV K-SICK cover to sign another bill that virtually bans all abortions after the first trimester. LPJL HEARTS OHIO! And we don’t want them treated so heartlessly. (Our friends at the Preterm clinic in Cleveland were just vandalized for the 3rd time in 3 weeks.) The Vagical Mystery Tour will be in Cleveland on July 13 to show support. Have a heart and come out!

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VAGICAL UPDATE!

Check Iowa City off on the list of places The Vagical Mystery Tour left its uterus-print! (the tattoos of course!)

Alex English hosted Lizz Winstead, Joyelle Johnson, Tina Schlieske, and VMT Newcomer Dina Nina Martinez!

If  you say FUCK anyone creating/passing legislation to block and destroy access to abortion, YOU CAN SIT WITH US!

LPJL Daily Takedown – June 20th, 2017

“We Need Your Parent’s permission” – The Most Insensitive Way to Handle a Foster Child’s Abortion

THE (FOSTER) PARENT TRAP: For foster kids who want an abortion, the phrase “We need your parent’s permission” may be the worst thing they could hear. “Parental involvement” laws in many states are designed to make it harder for young people to access abortion care. In the case of foster kids, they make it near impossible. The quarter million girls in the foster care system are twice as likely to become pregnant than those outside the system. While 30 percent of teen pregnancies end in abortion, for foster kids who get pregnant, the number is 5 percent. That reflects the extra difficulties they face. Parental consent laws are cruel to any young person with troubles at home, but even more so to foster kids.

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The Iowa State Board is Going in Reverse and Only Running Over People in Need of Abortion

CHICKEN HAWKEYES! Thanks a lot, IOWA! The CHICKEN SHIT Council on Human Services just put the bus in reverse, threw abortion rights under it, and rolled right over them! We told you last week that the Council had bravely refused to implement rules that prohibit Medicaid patients from getting ANY care at ANY clinic where abortions are performed. The rules make contraceptive and other care harder to get for poor and rural people. For some reason, now they’ve done a 180 and approved the rules. Just when Iowa was finally facing the right direction, they drive backwards!

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Bubbles Are Getting in the Way of Harassing Women

BURSTING THE PROTECTIVE BUBBLE: The City of CHICAGO just decided that it was too mean with its “Bubble Rule.” That rule asked the SHRIEKING LUNATICS outside of abortion clinics to spit and scream at least 8 feet away from the patients they’re terrorizing. Now Chicago has settled a lawsuit by the anti-choice screamers. The city will “re-educate” cops on how to enforce the “Bubble Rule.” No more will PONTIFICATING PISSANTS be inconvenienced as they harass people seeking medical care. Of course, those dickweeds are free to keep on living in their own bubble of self-righteousness.

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“HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY STOLE MAH CROSSES!”

TRAILER TRASHED: Well this is a grand theft! A thief stole a trailer full of 4,000 plastic and wooden crosses that Arkansas Right To Life uses to try and shame those seeking abortions. The crosses represent the 4,000 abortions they say are performed daily in the US. We want to help, so we wrote a flyer for them:

LOST: Trailer full of cheap, misused religious symbolism used to harass and shame innocent women. If found, return to PURITANICAL FUCKS who want to control everyone else’s lives.

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Trust Mich-ues!

PLATE OF CRAP: Michigan lawmakers theocrats passed a bill for an anti-abortion license plate to benefit anti-choice weasels. But after two weeks, they still haven’t sent it to Governor Rick Snyder for signature. Word is they don’t trust Snyder not to veto the bill. The Snide-ster ran as “pro-life” but he’s been insufficiently intolerant for the rabid Republican wolves. He actually once vetoed a bill that would have denied abortion access to victims of rape and incest. FOR SHAME! Rick Snyder has gotten his share of criticism. But if anti-choice assholes don’t trust him… well at least that’s one thing he has going for him.

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Nothing factual has ever started with the words “Maybe it has something to do with…”

DECLINE AND FAIL! Nothing factual has ever started with the words “Maybe it has something to do with…” And of course you’ll find those exact words in a Washington Examiner shit-piece about the sharp decline in the number of abortions in the US. Now, the CDC (SCIENCE!) says the decline is due to expanded insurance coverage of contraceptives including more effective long-lasting birth control methods. But according to the Examiner op-ed (by anti-choice nut-chump Frank Pavone), “Maybe it has something to do with…” the lies and deceptions of Crisis Pregnancy Centers!” (Not his exact words.) Oh, and “Of course, we cannot ignore the impact of peaceful pro-life prayer vigils outside abortion facilities.” YOU STUPID SHIT. Abortion rates are down because women are taking control of their own bodies and avoiding pregnancy, not because of the lies coming from righteous douchenozzles like you.

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VAGICAL UPDATE!

It’s Iowa City’s turn! The LPJL team spent the day at the Emma Goldman Clinic for both a pizza party lunch and a Tuesday morning gardening shesh! Now it’s time for some laughs, some music, and some RESISTANCE! The Vagical Mystery Tour is trending all over! LPJL’s very own Lizz Winstead recently spoke with Zerlina Maxwell & Jess McIntosh on Sirius XM Progress about the Tour as we hit the halfway mark!

LPJL Daily Takedown – June 12, 2017

Girl Sectioned After Psychiatrist Ruled Out Abortion

Irish Times

THE SUCK OF THE IRISH. For a glimpse into just how awful it is for abortion rights beyond the US, check out this nightmare tale from Ireland. A girl was “sectioned,” or forcibly detained under the Mental Health Act after her doctor said she was at risk of suicide. She had learned she was pregnant and wanted an abortion—which you can get in Ireland if there is a risk to the mother’s life, including suicide. But after she was detained, a psychiatrist said she was not suicidal, and therefore couldn’t get an abortion, saying “this could be managed by treatment and that termination of pregnancy was not the solution…”  HELLO! It’s the laws that are crazy!

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Conservatives Want To Restrict Abortion So Much They’ll Endanger Their Own Health Care Bill

Think Progress

LIFE’S A MITCH… McConnell, that is. Poor Senate Republicans! Their obsession with denying abortion rights is making it a lot harder for them to deny healthcare to millions!  If they include anti-abortion provisions in their healthcare bill, then it’s more than purely a budget bill, so it will need 60 votes instead of just 50 to pass. But if they don’t have anti-choice language, then the pricks who want to stick it to women won’t vote for the bill. What’s that quote? You can screw some of the people, but it’s hard to fuck EVERYBODY over. A paraphrase.

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Abortion Clinic: City Wrong to Issue Parade Permit for Protest

Charlotte Observer

THE ULTIMATE MANSPLAIN!! This weekend saw a MEN’s march against abortion rights at a clinic in NORTH CAROLINA. Really! What did they chant? Does anything even rhyme with “Scrotum”? March organizer Justin Reeder called on men to discourage women from getting abortions and show how abortion impacts men!! In a Facebook video he said “The truth is that this is more of a men’s issue than it is a women’s issue. We forget about the men so often in this story.” JEZUS H. CLUELESS! Is he trying to knock us out with how hard we smack our foreheads? The clinic was upset that the permit for the march was issued at the last minute without the required notice, giving them no time to prepare. And it takes some prep time just to realize somebody would have the balls to do this! At least we finally get to see the face of the anti-abortion/anti-woman movement—and it’s a face that needs a shave.

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New Mexico Makes it Easier For Women to Obtain Birth Control

Washington Post

LAND OF ENCHANTMENT: In some much-needed GREAT news, NEW MEXICO has just made it easier for pharmacists to prescribe birth control directly to women. There are several reasons to make birth control more accessible in New Mexico: it’s a largely rural state with long drives often necessary to obtain care. Oh, and the TRUMP WHITE HOUSE IS WAGING WAR ON CONTRACEPTIVE RIGHTS! They want to let your employer raise religious objections to YOUR birth control. So yeah, this comes at a good time. Thanks, New Mexico!

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DO NOT LINK: New study shows preborn children can recognize human faces while inside the womb

LiveAction News

FILE UNDER BATSHIT: Anti-choice lunatic fringe types are now saying that fetuses can see FACES in the womb. I know the people who say this kind of shit could see a zygote completing the New York Times crossword puzzle if they thought they could use it to push their “personhood” agenda. Their real goal is to deny the humanity of the woman carrying the fetus. In YOUR faces, ass-wipes!

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VAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR UPDATE!

No amount of gnats in a cup, murky pool water, OR anti-choice nuts were enough to stop LPJL from bringing a lot of laughter to Little Rock, Arkansas and a lot of love to the Little Rock Family Planning Services team! Check out LPJL’s FB Live recap for further elaboration on some very “Quality” fuckery.

Hanging out with the clinic workers as well as members of the Arkansas Abortion Support Network was the perfect start to gathering an A+ posse for the show! Especially since we would be joined by “groupies,” if you will, outside of the show (See photos below). Thank you to Vino’s Brew Pub for adding to the list of continuous kickass venues supporting live comedy & the fight for reproductive rights. Of course, no visit to Little Rock is complete without an obligatory visit to the historic Little Rock Central High School, paying tribute to the Little Rock Nine – diversity and inclusion should exist in conversations on Education as well as every other issue that directly effects poor people and people of color.

The Tour Van is officially parked in Oklahoma City! Comedy is happening June 13th! Come out and join the fun at the ACM @ UCO Performance Lab! Look at the photos from Little Rock’s Saturday show – see all of that fun? Get tickets here and that could be you and your friends on TUESDAY!