LPJL Daily Takedown – June 28th, 2017


SHITTY AND SHITTIER: The Senate’s “healthcare” bill is actually worse for birth control than the crap-fest House bill! Under Obamacare, health plans must cover contraceptive services without a co-pay. Both the House and Senate bills make birth control more expensive and inaccessible by defunding Planned Parenthood. But the Senate bill also allows states to decide if birth control is even covered! And you can guess what types of “birth control” will be covered in Missouri—abstinence and prayer! Good news & Bad news: The Senate bill is currently stalled—while lawmakers try to make it even worse!


The Frontiers of Anti-Choice Lawmakers are Getting Checked In Alaska

CHILL OUT, ALASKA! A lawsuit from Planned Parenthood has finally forced ALASKA to change the cold way it treats those seeking abortions after the first trimester. The state will no longer require a second doctor to get involved in abortions after 12 weeks. And it dropped the TRAPPY rule that blood and an operating room “appropriately staffed and equipped for major surgery” be ready for ANY abortion after the first trimester. Change may come at a glacial pace in Alaska, but at least the long night might be over!


Spokane Public Schools Might Have a Change of Heartlessness on Sex Ed.

THE FACTS OF STRIFE: Conservative Uter-orcs in Spokane, Washington are trying to shit-can a progressive sex ed curriculum because it was developed with input from Planned Parenthood, because it mentions sex, oh, and BECAUSE JESUS. And they’re not too happy that the curriculum includes LGBTQ issues. One said the new plan would mean that “teachers with religious convictions about male-female roles and differences” could be forced to stifle their bigotry (paraphrasing.) Washington is a great, progressive state, but there are still pockets of douchebaggery. What’s in your state’s pockets?


Ohio Tri-Masters of None Just Passed Yet Another Fucked Up Anti-choice Bill

COSTUME DRAMA in OHIO: It’s the HANDMAIDS vs. the MaNMAIDS! A bill to ban the safest and most common procedure used in abortions after the first trimester has been sent by an Ohio Senate committee to the full Senate… but not before the committee room hosted a RUNWAY CHALLENGE! Anti-choice forces (mostly male) occupied the front row, smartly decked out in fetus t-shirts, the traditional fashion choice of the intolerant. But the back of the room was lined with pro-choice fashionistas in the very latest VAG POWER accoutrements—HANDMAID’S TALE costumes! SASSY! The anti-choice forces got their bill passed, but pro-choice advocates definitely looked better.



YESTERDAY – First stop, deliver some lunch and some LOVE to Family Planning Associates in Chicago!


Ask anyone how last night’s show went in the Windy City last night and we will bet money they’d say they were BLOWN AWAY! Dina Nina Martinez did a kick-ass job hosting Joyelle Johnson, Leah Bonnema, Lizz Winstead, Alonzo Bodden & Recording Artist K’Valentine!

Lizz wrapped up last night’s show moderating a SPECTACULAR talkback with special guests Dr. Deborah Nucatola, Carrie Mathos, and Dr. Willie Parker!


The Press is falling in LOVE with the Vagical Mystery Tour. Check out what everyone’s saying about the hottest Resistance Comedy Tour in the country!

An Interview with Lizz Winstead and Things You Can Do to Help RIGHT NOW

On the ‘Vagical Mystery Tour’ with Lizz Winstead

How A Comedy Tour Is Helping Women Retain Their Reproductive Rights


LPJL Daily Takedown – June 26, 2017

Conservatives fear the ability to fuck people over will not being allowed in Health Bill

RULES ARE RULES, and this one rules. Anti-abortion lunatics fear that Senate rules might not allow the Senate “health” bill to keep its ban on subsidies for any plan that covers abortion. Under a Senate rule known as reconciliation, all the provisions in the bill have to be mostly about the budget to avoid a filibuster. But anti-abortion parts are clearly all about FUCKING PEOPLE OVER and denying reproductive rights. If the Senate parliamentarian rules that the abortion bullshit IS just abortion bullshit, the bill is DOOMED unless they strip the anti-abortion language. This bill is a disaster either way, but it’s good to see conservatives forced to follow rules for once.


Mike Moon and his Chicken Are Going Viral – In A Good Way

THE CHICKENSHIT HITS THE FAN: Mile Moon, the birdbrain MISSOURI lawmaker who beheaded and gutted a chicken in a Facebook video—BECAUSE ABORTION!—is actually facing some backlash. Turns out, killing things to illustrate you are “pro-life” is considered batshit among rational people. Since his one-man slaughterhouse  video has gone viral, two online petitions want Moon removed from office for his fowl behavior. Throw the cock out!


BREAKING: Anti-Choice Lawmakers in Arkansas don’t Take Heed to Warnings, or Logic.

RAZORBACKLASH: Five extreme anti-abortion laws recently passed in ARKANSAS are being challenged in court before they can take effect.The ACLU is suing over laws designed to harass abortion patients and providers. They include everything from bogus “sex selection” bans to a law that would effectively require notifying the woman’s sex partner or parents! Red states pass these obviously unconstitutional laws by the truckload hoping that something will stick. All we can do is keep fighting back every time they try to stick it to us.


North Carolina: “You Know Who DOESN’T Need  More Money? Faux-Health Clinics Lying to Pregnant People”

MONEY FOR NOTHIN, or WORSE than nothing! NORTH CAROLINA is going to THROW MONEY at “crisis pregnancy centers” – fake pregnancy centers created by religious extremists to DECEIVE and LIE to pregnant people in an attempt to coerce them out of having an abortion. Their evil brand is so tainted that now they’re calling themselves “Pregnancy Resource Centers.” It’s bad enough North Carolina tax payers currently fund these LYING, CHEATING MONEY-PITS to the tune of 300k a year, but now that number will skyrocket from $300,000 to $1.9 million! But fuck those elderly and disabled takers on Medicaid AMIRITE? We’ve got to take what we learn from faux-News and fund some faux-healthcare!


Nothing Makes Liz Wolfe Angrier than Groups of People Speaking Out for the Rights of Humans

THE HANDMAID’S FAIL! The Wolfe-in-Columnist’s-Clothing is moaning about abortion rights protesters who evoke The Handmaid’s Tale, calling them “intellectually dishonest––and, frankly, deeply offensive.” WTF??? The show is about women being forced to serve as incubators—and “frankly,” that’s what the anti-abortion movement is about too! Wolfe howls: “As a pro-life secular feminist, being compared to oppressive religious zealots from a dystopian Hulu show strikes a chord with me.” It strikes a chord with everyone, Liz—Not be Captain Obvi but….THAT’S WHY IT WORKS!


The Vagical Mysterty Tour took a short RnR at the halfway point!

Lizz Winstead spoke to the Democratic Mayors Association  in Miami over the weekend, told some jokes, and then told them their local clinics needing all of their support. The tour might take a break, but spreading the message of reproductive rights never stops!

Kicking back up again in Chicago tomorrow night with Alonzo Bodden, K’Valentine, Joyelle Johnson, Leah Bonnema, Dina Nina Martinez, Lizz Winstead and special guest, DR. WILLIE PARKER!



LPJL Daily Takedown – June 9th, 2017

This Doctor Says He Can “Reverse” Abortions

Mother Jones

QUACK TIME! Have anti choice monsters ever met a lie it didn’t embrace? The latest medical quackery from the same folks who run “crisis pregnancy centers” is that medically-induced abortions can be “reversed”!! A medical abortion involves two drugs, taken hours apart—first mifepristone and then misoprostol. Abortion “reversal” works on the notion that a large dose of progesterone taken after the mifepristone can prevent the abortion. But the leading medical association for obstetricians and gynecologists says “claims of medication abortion reversal are not supported by the body of scientific evidence.”  In laymen’s terms—IT’S TOTAL AND COMPLETE BULLSHIT! Here’s the sitch- a loon Read looney at a CPC in San Diego has been pushing this bogus notion hard. So of course, anti-choice lawmakers then push laws to REQUIRE doctors to tell these lies about “abortion reversal” to women seeking abortions. The only reversal here is that what they’re saying is the mirror-opposite of reality.

Anti-abortion Leader Facing Lawsuit wants Judge Disqualified

ABC News

THE SCUM ALSO RISES: PLANNED PARENTHOOD VIDEO TROLL David Daleiden, who is facing felony charges in California for his attacks on pro-choice organizations, is suing to disqualify a judge in his case. U.S. District Judge William Orrick barred Daleiden from releasing his spy videos he shot at meetings of abortion providers. Daleiden is part of the “Center for Medical Progress” the front organization who shot the video hack job on Planned Parenthood in 2015. Now he’s whining because he says the judge has links to someone who has links to Planned Parenthood! Duh dude- EVERYONE DOES. VIDIOT!


Abortion Restrictions Threaten Senate GOP’s Obamacare Repeal Push


TRUMPED CARE: Here’s a little something for fans of poetic justice—Abortion restrictions in the Obamacare repeal efforts might make it impossible for the Senate to pass a repeal bill. Under Senate rules, only budgetary bills can be passed with a simple majority of 50 votes (a process called reconciliation.) If they add restrictions on abortion to the bill, then Republicans need a 60-vote supermajority to pass the bill, and there is no way they’ll get that many votes—there are only 52 Republicans in the Senate. Republicans are trying to finesse FAKE the language so that an abortion ban could slide by under reconciliation rules, but it looks iffy. ACCESS TO REPRODUCTIVE CARE AND AFFORDABLE HEALTHCARE FOR ALL!


Budget Abortion Language Could Jeopardize Hospital Procedures

North Carolina Health News

TARHEEL SHIT-HEELS! Lawmakers in NORTH CAROLINA are loading up budget bills with anti-abortion landmines. The state Senate version of the budget bill says “no State funds shall be allocated to any provider that performs abortions.” Or as an ACLU spokesperson put it, the bill would “force physicians and facilities to either refuse to provide a common medical procedure or to give up important public health funding from DHHS.” And a House version gives $1.3 million to the Carolina Pregnancy Care Fellowship—a “crisis pregnancy center” that uses lies to discourage women from considering abortion. North Carolina—money for lies, but not for care! LOOK FOR THIS ONE IN YOUR STATE!


Appeals Court Set Date to Consider Tennessee Abortion Measure

The Tennessean

A federal appeals court has set a date in August to hear oral arguments over TENNESSEE’s harsh anti-abortion law, Amendment 1. AND AMENDMENT 1 IS ONE FUCKED UP AMENDMENT! It gives Tennessee lawmakers almost unlimited power to restrict abortion rights. It’s already spawned a shit-platter of TRAP laws. By the way, the amendment “TRUMPs” federal law, which has been getting Trumped enough lately. The court hearing is over a complex snafu over how votes for the Amendment were counted. But if things go the right way, people in Tennessee will have “1” less problem!


Day 7! What an inspiring Mississippi trip! After we did some raking, flower planting and escorting with the Pink House Defenders, we had a packed show at Duling Hall! The Tour has now landed in Little Rock, Arkansas! First stop — Happy Hour with The Little Rock Family Planning. Second Stop —  Vino’s on SATURDAY for an amazing night of comedy!

Daily Takedown – 6/5/2017

Trump’s Rollback of Birth Control Rights Will Run Into a Legal Buzzsaw

LA Times

HARD TO SWALLOW–The Trump White House is trying to shove a rollback of contraceptive rights down your throat. And NO, that is NOT a form of birth control!

Trump’s Department of Health and Human Services under Tom Price-Is-Wrong wants to change the rules to allow ANY employer who claims to have “religious beliefs and moral convictions” to deny their employees birth control coverage.

And they’re breaking the law by trying to put the rules into effect without any notice or public comment—an understandable approach since the public’s comments are going to be along the lines of NO FUCKING WAY!


Florida Will Offer Birth Certificates To Miscarried Fetuses Now



Remember—no matter how crazy things get, they’re always weirder in FLORIDA. Florida’s latest foray into the fever swamp of anti-abortion nuttiness is to mandate the offer of “birth certificates” for miscarried fetuses as early as 10 weeks! (They’re actually called “Certificate of Non-Viable Birth.)

Make no mistake—this is a “personhood” ploy as obvious and slimy as the fetal funerals being proposed in other states. It’s an attack on anyone who wants to control their own uterus—and a cynical slap in the face to those who experience the trauma of a miscarriage.  

Knock it off, Florida, before you start mandating obituaries for spilled semen.


Dominican Republic: Vote Against Decriminalization of Abortion, A Betrayal to Women

Amnesty International


Abortion is a crime in the Dominican Republic—and it’s going to stay that way after a cowardly vote by the DR Senate against the decriminalization of abortion. Amnesty International said “Instead of playing political games with women’s lives, authorities should focus their time and efforts on protecting their human rights.”

Meanwhile in the US there are people working every day to make abortion a crime and to make anyone who gets one criminals. Move the Dominican Republic forward and don’t let the US slide backwards!


A writer searched for a Planned Parenthood clinic emblematic of all others. She found it in Phoenix.

AZ Central


For an article in Allure magazine, a writer wanted to find one Planned Parenthood clinic that represented all of them. She ended up choosing a clinic in Maryvale, a neighborhood in Phoenix, Arizona. It was a great article about an exemplary clinic–one that serves a bilingual area where over half the population is below the poverty level.

One small problem–this particular clinic doesn’t perform abortions. Now, not all PP locations do. But the fact that many do is the reason the organization is in the crosshairs of nut-bag politicians who are trying to shut down funding for ALL Planned Parenthood clinics, even ones like this that don’t offer abortion services.

PP provides lifesaving and compassionate service to underserved communities, including breast exams, pap smears, birth control, and–at some locations–abortion services. All of that was made clear in the article. But the point could have been made with more sensitivity to women who seek abortions by choosing a clinic that performed abortions.

Allure’s efforts here are much appreciated! But we have to be careful not to accidentally stigmatize the very rights we’re trying to protect. So SAY IT WITH ME: “THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING OR PERFORMING ABORTIONS!”


Georgia 6th: Handel Faces New Attack Over Komen Stance

Atlanta Journal Constitution


In the brief time that she was VP for policy at the Susan G. Komen Foundation, Georgia pol Karen Handel, now running for Tom Price’s vacated Congressional seat from Georgia, used that position to stop Komen’s partnerships with Planned Parenthood. It caused such a backlash that Handel had to resign in disgrace.

Handel’s actions jeopardized breast cancer screenings for thousands of women, just so she could advance her radical anti-abortion agenda. The run-off election in Georgia is on June 20th—tell Karen HANDEL THE TRUTH will force her to be accountable!


Vagical Mystery Tour Update!

Birmingham, Alabama was a dream come true! A lot of people put their contact information on the LPJL signup sheet, and others… well, let’s just say they left their calling card.

“Place of Death” just sounds like the description for a comedy show where EVERYONE ONSTAGE KILLED IT! HOW’D THEY KNOW!? These anti-choice are wackjobs- emphasis on JOBS. They are some of the busiest people around. How do you balance a “Sidewalk Psycho/Comedy Show Psychic” schedule all in one day? That takes skill.

But wait… There’s more!

Binge on the one-episode (Facebook Live clip) season premiere of LPJL Presents: “Bullies” On the Street below!


LPJL Daily Takedown – 5/25/17

Does an HHS appointee believe abortion increases a woman’s risk of breast cancer?

(Washington Post)

The Yoest infection returns! The WAPO fact-checks Trump’s HHS assistant secretary Charmaine Yoest’s totally debunked BULLSHIT claims that abortion increases the risk of breast cancer. The Washington Post just gave her an opportunity to set the record straight, and Yoest chose to let it remain a twisted mess. We can’t have high-ranking health officials who believe lies and intentional fairy tales about abortion.


Texas Bill Could Send People to Jail for Driving a Woman to an Abortion, Lawmaker Says

(Texas Observer)

Texas is approaching CRITICAL MESS! As this Texas Observer article highlights, the assaults on repro rights by Lone Star lawmakers are constant, and consistently insane. Now they want you to go to jail for driving someone to get an abortion. FOR REAL! Texas is the world’s 12th largest economy, and it’s WAY to full of incredible people and places to be forever ruled by the this cabal of thick-necked theocrats.


Interstate Abortion Ban Could Slow Human Trafficking

(One News Now)

Lies My Lawmakers Told Me: the latest lie the MYTH BOOSTERS in the “Pro-Life” camp are up to is a bill before the Senate that tries to keep minors from LEGALLY accessing their abortion rights by claiming to be targeted against “human traffickers and child molesters.” LIES! Here’s Iowa’s Steve King defending dogfighting (!) using a similar argument. On it’s lying face, the bill prohibits transporting minors across state lines for an abortion. What it really does is to try and trap young women who are in states where abortion is illegal. As we look at the possibility of states with NO PROVIDERS AT ALL, we can see what their next step in shutting down access will be.


Even in Blue-State California, Abortions Can Be Hard to Find


QUIT SAYING YOUR STATE IS BLUE! ! NO state is blue enough to feel complacent about abortion rights! Anti-choice fuckery has consequences everywhere. This great story highlights HUGE CLINIC CLOSINGS in California. And nationwide crusades against repro rights mean that clinics are closing everywhere. Remember–the people who want to fuck with your abortion rights don’t care if your uterus is in in Massachusetts or Missouri–THEY WANT IN!


Catholics Challenge St. Louis’ ‘Abortion Sanctuary’ Law

(U.S. News)

One man’s “Religious Freedom” can be one woman’s violated Constitutional rights. The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of St. Louis is resisting a city anti-discrimination ordinance that prohibits housing or employment discrimination for people who have had an abortion, plan an abortion, have heard of abortion, or filled out a crossword with the word abortion in it. Seriously! The Archdiocese wants anyone to be able to deny employment or housing to anyone who advocates for “reproductive health”! So that uterus hat can get you evicted in St. Louis!  And it’s all in the name of “religious freedom!”

Revenge of the Turds

The Flyover States are striking back!

The “health care plan” from the House Republicans/Trump Administration/Loins of Satan will be a bluster-fuck for abortion rights across the board–from defunding Planned Parenthood to torpedoing abortion coverage under virtually any circumstances.

But hidden in the diabolical web of denied coverage for preexisting conditions, evisceration of Medicaid, and blanket rejection of abortion rights, is a provision so insidious that it must have come to Paul Ryan during a butt-kissing ceremony with the Dark Lord himself.

The provisions in the bill that deny abortion coverage will also end up leaving millions of residents of New York and California without subsidies or tax credits to help pay for their health insurance.

Here’s how it hurts: Both New York and California–in righteous defiance of the Red State rush to strike down abortion rights–have laws that mandate abortion coverage for all individual health plans sold in the states. BUT the new American Health Care Act (AHCA) denies federal subsidies from being applied to any plans that cover abortion, i.e. ALL individual plans in NY & CA.

So ANYONE buying an individual health plan in New York or California will have to pay thousands more for their health insurance than someone in any other state. Sprinkle THAT on your quinoa and kale salad, lib-tards!

It’s pure EVIL GENIUS! They’re punishing anyone with the gall to live in a state that treats humans…. like human beings!

Republicans have been crowing about how this healthcare bill from Hell will “give the states more choices.” Well, yes, as long as that choice is to screw diabetics out of coverage for preexisting conditions. But if a state wants to provide coverage for a constitutionally protected medical procedure… well they can shove it up their ass next time they get a gravity colonic at the holistic health center.