LPJL Daily Takedown – June 12, 2017

Girl Sectioned After Psychiatrist Ruled Out Abortion

Irish Times

THE SUCK OF THE IRISH. For a glimpse into just how awful it is for abortion rights beyond the US, check out this nightmare tale from Ireland. A girl was “sectioned,” or forcibly detained under the Mental Health Act after her doctor said she was at risk of suicide. She had learned she was pregnant and wanted an abortion—which you can get in Ireland if there is a risk to the mother’s life, including suicide. But after she was detained, a psychiatrist said she was not suicidal, and therefore couldn’t get an abortion, saying “this could be managed by treatment and that termination of pregnancy was not the solution…”  HELLO! It’s the laws that are crazy!

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Conservatives Want To Restrict Abortion So Much They’ll Endanger Their Own Health Care Bill

Think Progress

LIFE’S A MITCH… McConnell, that is. Poor Senate Republicans! Their obsession with denying abortion rights is making it a lot harder for them to deny healthcare to millions!  If they include anti-abortion provisions in their healthcare bill, then it’s more than purely a budget bill, so it will need 60 votes instead of just 50 to pass. But if they don’t have anti-choice language, then the pricks who want to stick it to women won’t vote for the bill. What’s that quote? You can screw some of the people, but it’s hard to fuck EVERYBODY over. A paraphrase.

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Abortion Clinic: City Wrong to Issue Parade Permit for Protest

Charlotte Observer

THE ULTIMATE MANSPLAIN!! This weekend saw a MEN’s march against abortion rights at a clinic in NORTH CAROLINA. Really! What did they chant? Does anything even rhyme with “Scrotum”? March organizer Justin Reeder called on men to discourage women from getting abortions and show how abortion impacts men!! In a Facebook video he said “The truth is that this is more of a men’s issue than it is a women’s issue. We forget about the men so often in this story.” JEZUS H. CLUELESS! Is he trying to knock us out with how hard we smack our foreheads? The clinic was upset that the permit for the march was issued at the last minute without the required notice, giving them no time to prepare. And it takes some prep time just to realize somebody would have the balls to do this! At least we finally get to see the face of the anti-abortion/anti-woman movement—and it’s a face that needs a shave.

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New Mexico Makes it Easier For Women to Obtain Birth Control

Washington Post

LAND OF ENCHANTMENT: In some much-needed GREAT news, NEW MEXICO has just made it easier for pharmacists to prescribe birth control directly to women. There are several reasons to make birth control more accessible in New Mexico: it’s a largely rural state with long drives often necessary to obtain care. Oh, and the TRUMP WHITE HOUSE IS WAGING WAR ON CONTRACEPTIVE RIGHTS! They want to let your employer raise religious objections to YOUR birth control. So yeah, this comes at a good time. Thanks, New Mexico!

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DO NOT LINK: New study shows preborn children can recognize human faces while inside the womb

LiveAction News

FILE UNDER BATSHIT: Anti-choice lunatic fringe types are now saying that fetuses can see FACES in the womb. I know the people who say this kind of shit could see a zygote completing the New York Times crossword puzzle if they thought they could use it to push their “personhood” agenda. Their real goal is to deny the humanity of the woman carrying the fetus. In YOUR faces, ass-wipes!

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VAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR UPDATE!

No amount of gnats in a cup, murky pool water, OR anti-choice nuts were enough to stop LPJL from bringing a lot of laughter to Little Rock, Arkansas and a lot of love to the Little Rock Family Planning Services team! Check out LPJL’s FB Live recap for further elaboration on some very “Quality” fuckery.

Hanging out with the clinic workers as well as members of the Arkansas Abortion Support Network was the perfect start to gathering an A+ posse for the show! Especially since we would be joined by “groupies,” if you will, outside of the show (See photos below). Thank you to Vino’s Brew Pub for adding to the list of continuous kickass venues supporting live comedy & the fight for reproductive rights. Of course, no visit to Little Rock is complete without an obligatory visit to the historic Little Rock Central High School, paying tribute to the Little Rock Nine – diversity and inclusion should exist in conversations on Education as well as every other issue that directly effects poor people and people of color.

The Tour Van is officially parked in Oklahoma City! Comedy is happening June 13th! Come out and join the fun at the ACM @ UCO Performance Lab! Look at the photos from Little Rock’s Saturday show – see all of that fun? Get tickets here and that could be you and your friends on TUESDAY!

Hosting Duties

An Oklahoma cow paddy of a state rep–who referred to pregnant women as “hosts”–is sponsoring a bill that would require consent from the father of a fetus before an abortion.  

Oklahoma State Rep Justin Humphrey’s bill requires any woman “to provide, in writing, the identity of the father of the fetus to the physician who is to perform or induce the abortion.” And then Baby Daddy has to give his written permission for the woman to evacuate her uterus. You know, because he’s put so much of himself into this pregnancy, what with the furious humping and the ejaculation and the thimble’s worth of semen that he lost and can never get back….

If said sperm donor decides he wants to use you as a petri dish to grow his spoonful of man-sauce into a full-fledged chip off of his block, then you can just drop everything and start your hosting duties… and hope he’s willing to chip in on some the expenses in this rather involved process.

And as for you? Well, you’re “the host!” Seriously. In an interview about his bill, Humphrey said  “I feel like it is a separate — what I call them is, is you’re a ‘host.’ And you know when you enter into a relationship you’re going to be that host and so, you know, if you pre-know that then take all precautions and don’t get pregnant… you’re the host and you invited that in.”

OK, coherence isn’t really his thing. But “Host?” WTF? Does Justin Humphreys think that being pregnant is like working the front desk at a Denny’s during the breakfast rush? Just give your name and you’ll be seated as soon as a uterus opens up! Seriously, the term “host” is generally reserved for MC’s at awards shows or people infected with parasites. Are we talking about a “snowflake baby” or a tapeworm?

Oklahoma is already a disaster area for reproductive rights. The state has a 72-hour waiting period and mandatory “counseling” on the (FAKE) link between abortion and breast cancer. This latest session of the Oklahoma legislature has already seen in 11 anti-abortion bills, including one that classifies abortion as first-degree murder. In short, it’s already bad enough.

Let Justin Humphrey know that women don’t need permission slips to exercise their Constitutional rights.

Heartland of Darkness

A lawmaker with a history of violence against women is behind what conservatives falsely call a “fetal heartbeat” bill passed by the Ohio legislature–a bill that is actually an underhanded method to ban abortions after six weeks. And that’s a virtual ban on all abortions.   

That’s one AWFUL bill, and one AWFUL human being. First, the bill…

The proposed new law would ban all abortions after what the authors of the bill call a “fetal heartbeat’ can be detected. What the authors of this bill consider a fetal heartbeat can be detected as early as six weeks, although it’s something that can also be detected in a petri dish. “Fetal heartbeat” is one of those fake emotional buzzwords that anti-choice types love to throw out, like “personhood” and “snowflake babies.”

More importantly, many women don’t know they’re even pregnant until after six weeks–meaning that this bill gives them no choice whatsoever except to carry the pregnancy to term.

Further, the only way to detect this so-called heartbeat that early in pregnancy is with a transvaginal ultrasound. So Ohio has effectively passed a mandatory transvaginal ultrasound bill as well. And of course, there are no exceptions for rape or incest. WHAT? You were expecting one tiny ray of compassion?

The bill is clearly unconstitutional… for now. The Supreme Court has ruled that states cannot ban abortion before fetal viability, which generally occurs around 24 to 28 weeks. But the big question is the viability of a rational Supreme Court. PRESIDENT TRUMP (and I CAPS YELLED that to motivate you!) will be reshaping the Court, and it’s going to be a twisted monstrosity.

Ohio Senate President Keith Faber put it this way: “A new president, new Supreme Court appointees change the dynamic.” We’ll put it this way–THIS IS FUCKED UP.   

Now the slimeball behind the bill… in 2011, the wife of Ohio State Senator Kris Jordan called 911 to report her husband was “pushing her around and throwing things.” The Senator told police “She got a little upset. Girls do that.” Although she declined to press charges, his wife told cops “This is not new. He’s done this numerous times” and mentioned that he keeps 10 to 15 unloaded guns around the house.

Well now Senator Kris Jordan has found a way to perpetrate violence against all the women of Ohio. His bill is waiting for Governor John Kasich to sign it–and it probably won’t have to wait long.