“Heartbeat” Bills Are A Gross 2019 Trend

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE! We hate when we see a bad trend developing but have no way to stop it. Just this Tuesday we wrote about the trend of heartbeat bill being introduced in states like Kentucky (and Ohio last year) and then told you to check to see if there was one coming in your state.

Well guess what, we can add two more states to the abysmal list: South Carolina and Florida both have politicians who filed fetal heartbeat bills this week! In South Carolina 50 representatives are co-sponsoring the bill. Make no MISTAKE these bills are total and complete abortion bans. They’re dressed up in treacly language to make them appear more “humane” but they’re actually entirely cruel and despicable. ROE WAS DECIDED AND REAFFIRMED, GUYS! Stop trying to go backwards!

Speaking of going backwards, we’re paying special attention to SCOTUS today as they decide whether to hear the fetal burial case in Indiana. Real quick: this would require burial and cremation for all fetal remains… even miscarriages. Remember how we asked “Are they gonna start considering SPERMS and periods people too” and it was like… a big joke? NOT REALLY A JOKE NOW. Just disgusting, and CRUEL TO PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO HAVE BABIES AND HAVE MISCARRIAGES TOO. That’s the thing here, these people pretend to care so much about pregnant women and babies, but…. They consistently throw them under the bus in their single-minded quest to shame.

So watch with us and keep your fingers crossed to see which way SCOTUS goes. If it’s bad, we’ll be seeing you in DC this spring!


Welcome to the post-complacency world! The bad news is that it’s totally fucked up. The good news is that we can change that. We have to. We don’t have the luxury of not giving a shit.

There’s no place better to totally give a shit than Detroit, Michigan. It’s the first stop in the Vagical Mystery Tour’s post-Kavanaugh nomination-this-will-NOT-happen incarnation. And the State of Reproductive Rights in the State of Michigan has a lot to tell us about why we NEED to stop this Supreme Court appointment.

For starters, Michigan has the whole ugly slate of laws and rules designed to harass and torment clinics and patients alike. There’s a 24 hour waiting period that forces patients to make two trips to the provider. They have TRAP laws with unnecessary standards for facilities, and requirements for transfer agreements with hospitals. Telemedicine is prohibited ONLY for abortion services.

And the state of Michigan each year diverts some $400,000 in Temporary Assistance for Needy Families money toward FAKE “crisis pregnancy centers”—the LAST thing needy families need! Ugliest of all, Michigan requires you to buy a special “rape insurance” rider if you want necessary abortion services covered by insurance. Have fun talking to your broker about that!

Oh, and the Michigan anti-choice nuts are joining with anti-vaxxer bigger nuts! Republicans in the legislature are pushing a bill to try and use “informed consent” to scare people away from vaccinating their kids with vaccines made from what they call “aborted fetal tissue.” Some vaccines may contain what vaccine experts say is “perhaps billionths of a gram” of DNA fragments descended from cultures culled from legally aborted fetuses over 50 years ago! As much occurs in the fruits and veggies we eat! Really.

Already, 86% of counties in Michigan, accounting for 40% of the population, have no provider. And Michigan is one of the few states where abortion numbers are going up. That’s partly because neighboring Ohio is even crazier in its attacks on abortion rights. From 2010 to 2015, the number of abortions performed on out-of-staters in Michigan more than doubled. That’s just a taste of the panicked abortion travelers you’d see if a Kavanaugh court ever overturned Roe v. Wade.

And what you’d see in Michigan if Roe v. Wade gets tossed is a virtually TOTAL AND COMPLETE BAN ON ABORTION. IMMEDIATELY! That’s because Michigan’s anti-abortion law is still on the books, despite being made unconstitutional by Roe v. Wade. If Roe v. Wade goes, that law, dating back to 1931, rises from the dead like a zombie that feasts on human rights.

THAT is what is at stake in this confirmation fight! THANKS for making that clear, MICHIGAN! We’re here for you, we’re here for us, and we’re here for good!

Kavanaugh? How about Kava-not-so-fast, motherfucker!

Stop Brett Kavanaugh! The SCOTUS Nominee is Bad For Reproductive Rights

The reality TV president had his big bachelor/rose moment. The nominee got his Norman Rockwell family tableau rollout.

The BIG ANNOUNCEMENT has been made.

But the BIG QUESTION still hasn’t been answered—WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? Because there’s plenty you can do. And must do. And we’re gonna lay it all out for you.  

But first of all, who is this guy (and of course it’s a guy—DUH!) who is going to be making such big decisions about what goes on in your uterus?

The most important thing you need to know about Judge Brett Kavanaugh is that his name was on a list that was diligently compiled by far-right entities like the Federalist Society and the Heritage Foundation—a list of potential justices who would definitely do the bidding of the far right. And the most important thing they want done is the dismantling of Roe v Wade.

A Justice Brett Kavanaugh would do that. That’s the reason he was on the list. That’s the reason the president who PROMISED to ONLY appoint justices who will vote to overturn Roe v Wade picked him.

And his record says he will: last year while serving on the D.C. Circuit court, Kavanaugh wrote a dissent to a decision allowing an immigrant teen in U.S. custody to exercise her abortion rights… something Kavanaugh said was based “on a new constitutional principle as novel as it is wrong.” For the record, it’s based—like Roe v Wade—on the Fourth Amendment.  

So it’s clear what’ll happen if Kavanaugh is put on the Court. But what happens now? The nominee will have the opportunity to meet off the record with every Senator 1-on-1. The Senate Judiciary Committee will hold hearings and vote on the nominee. If they vote to confirm, his name goes to full Senate for a vote.

We have a few weeks to stop this—here’s what you can do:

  • Let them know that a non-answer on Roe is a threat to Roe!
  • Some of the most important Senators to contact are possible Republican defections Susan Collins of Maine and Lisa Murkowski of Alaska.
  • Also critical are Democrats who voted for Gorsuch from red states like Indiana, North Dakota, and West Virginia.
  • California! It’s important to send letters to Senator Feinstein, who will report the number of letters during hearings on the nomination.
  • Write op-eds, organize, and PROTEST!
  • Share your abortion stories on social media.
  • More details and information is available from the Center for Reproductive Rights.

The most important thing is to contact your Senators. We CAN do this! With Senator McCain probably sidelined, just one vote can make the difference!

This is not something we’re doing to make ourselves feel better. This is something we’re doing to change history. And that’ll make us all feel a LOT better.

A Reproductive Rights Recap of The Week There Were a Bunch of Headlines About Roe v Wade Ending

Done crying? Tired of yelling? Starting to sober up? Good. Whatever you had to do to get through last week, you did it, because you’re here. When shit hits the fan, the first thing you have to do is turn off the fan. Now we have time to collect ourselves and focus on dealing with the splatter.

The ugly individual moments that make up this last week are frozen in time like frames from some horrific repro rights version of the Zapruder film. The BIG difference is that now we have the time and the opportunity to prevent this tragedy from actually happening.

When the Becerra decision hit like a ton of stoopid, we broke it down for you—exposing the lies and hypocrisy of the arguments that were used to support, well, lies and hypocrisy. If the First Amendment does NOT give you the right to yell “FIRE” in a crowded theater, it certainly shouldn’t allow you to make people seeking medical care think that you’re a doctor when you’re not.

We explained what a pile of shit it is to discuss abortion as though it was any different than any other medical procedure. And we reassured you that—despite the setback—abortion is STILL SAFE AND LEGAL. And despite the further setbacks, IT STILL IS!

The very day of the Becerra decision, we put our own First Amendment rights to far better use than misinforming people who need medical care. We informed the world about the bullshit of the FAKE clinics by putting on our Washington Square Fake Clinic Protest. If the frauds at the phony clinics can’t be made to tell the truth about what they’re doing, we’ll tell it for them. And you can too! Go to www.exposefakeclinics.com to find out how.

And really, it was “poetic Lady Parts Justice” that the news of the Kennedy retirement hit during a week that we were on the road. As we told you in our tour-spiels on the “State of Repro Rights” in OHIO and TENNESSEE, the fights that are going on at the state level are a grim reminder of what we could face on a nation-wide scale if we don’t get together and get busy.

The fetal freaks in the states have been VERY busy planning for this day.  Ohio’s HB 565 would ban ALL abortions, even for rape and incest. It’s flagrantly unconstitutional in a way that deliberately invites a reconstituted Supreme Court to smack down Roe v. Wade. And the haters in Tennessee actually changed their state’s constitution to explicitly say that “Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to an abortion.” West Virginia, where we were last week, has a measure on the ballot in November that would do the same thing.

Our unworthy adversaries are nothing if not industrious when it comes to undermining other people’s rights. The events of this last week have shown us that we need fight even harder to keep those rights.

LPJL wasn’t founded to congratulate ourselves for 40-plus years of Roe v. Wade. It was meant to strengthen reproductive rights and to defend them when they’re threatened. Well, we just got the Bat Signal, bitches!

This has been the kind of week we hope would never happen. But this kind of week is the reason we’re here. So let’s be here for each other!

LPJ League’s “Do It Dudes” Do Abortion

It’s TRAP law Wednesday and that means it’s the day the Lady Parts Justice League releases a new video to raise awareness about TRAP laws —  the insidious anti-abortion regulations extremists are inserting into legislation all over the country. These laws result in closing down clinics and making access to abortion almost impossible for the most vulnerable.

Texas state senator Wendy Davis famously stood for 13 hours fighting them in 2013 but, alas, Texas held ‘em. Altogether, 24 states have passed these laws. But now, a Texas-based clinic is taking Wendy’s fight all the way to the Supreme Court.

On March 2nd, the Court will hear oral arguments in Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt, the biggest abortion case to reach SCOTUS in over 24 years. This case could change the face of abortion access in this country forever…and most people don’t even know that these laws exist or that this case is happening. So it’s a Big Fucking Deal.

ENTER the Lady Parts Justice League.

We are trying to drop knowledge leading up to the SCOTUS case through videos explaining these terrifying laws through our signature satirical lens.

This week, we put a twist on Buzzfeed’s “Try Guys,” the hit video series about three guys trying their hand at everything from UFC fighting to K-Pop dance moves. Our “Do It Dudes,” a similar trio of cis guys, use this whacky approach to show the difficulty in accessing something really real…like an abortion.

After all, what better way to explain the obstacles of abortion access in the United States than by showing what happens when dude-bros try to get an abortion. AMIRITE?!

So after you have a good laugh on us, get angry and visit our TRAP laws page to learn more about this shit-fuckery and what you can do to help #StopTheSham.

Watch more Lady Parts Justice League videos on Youtube. 

Watch LPJ League’s Tour of “Darbi’s Dream Clinic”

Lady Parts Justice League has spent February launching videos to highlight the problems with TRAP laws. Our final video in this series satirizes America’s favorite 11-inch, independent plastic woman in “Darbi’s Dream Clinic.”

Why Darbi? Well, let us tell ya…

In 2013, then Texas Senator Wendy Davis legendarily filibustered Texas TRAP laws for 13 hours. Those TRAP laws were later passed, but now they’re being challenged before the Supreme Court. On March 2nd, the Court will hear arguments in the Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt case, the most important abortion case in the past quarter century. Unfortunately, the lower court decision upheld the TRAP laws, so if the Scalia-less SCOTUS deadlocks 4-4, the outlook for clinics in Texas is still dire.

Wendy Davis’ fight against these laws had extremists destroying her private life, threatening her safety and publicly trying to shame her by referring to her as, “Abortion Barbie.”

In this video, LPJL decided to flip the script on that moniker by celebrating the idea of Abortion Barbie with our inspiring doll, “Darbi” who runs the best clinic in the world! One that is free of those burdensome and unnecessary TRAP laws that harm both clinics and patients!

We say, “Go, Darbi, Go!”

To learn more about the TRAP laws in this video, the case going before the Supreme Court, and how it affects YOU and your state, check out our TRAP laws page to learn more!

Watch more Lady Parts Justice League videos on Youtube. 


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Hi Friends, It’s Lizz here!

YAAAASSSS! OK, not only has the Supreme Court ruled–but their ruling RULED!!! in a way usually reserved for Prince or the soundtrack to Hamilton. I mean like, if the original Roe v Wade ruling was When Doves Cry then this was at least 1999. Or if Roe v Wade was My Shot then this was at least Alexander Hamilton. I’m saying it’s good.

In Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt, the Court ruled on Texas’s dishonest TRAP laws–laws that are so specifically designed to shut down abortion clinics that anyone can see it. The question was whether the Supreme Court would acknowledge that reality, or just go along with the lies of the woman-haters who set these TRAPS.

And the Court ruled that those laws are a pile of wet armadillo shit! They voted 5-3 that the laws placed an unconstitutional “undue burden” on women who wanted an abortion. This ruling is a step toward undoing that undue burden.

Ever since Roe v Wade became law in 1973, anti-abortion forces have been chipping away at it. And a lot gets chipped in 43 years. Occasionally the Supreme Court has to step back in and either mitigate the damage… or let the chips fall. And you never know which way it’s going to go. This time, in the most important abortion rights ruling since 1992, the Court chose to once again uphold Roe v Wade.

The tactics taken by abortion opponents with TRAP laws like those in Texas made the patently bullshit argument that they were just protecting women’s health with the restrictions. HELLO! If you want to protect women, you don’t saddle abortion providers with bat crap rules about closet size and the types of shrubbery in the landscaping. You don’t force half the clinics in the state to close for absolutely no reason. You don’t cause the wait for an abortion in Texas to go from 4 days to 16, and as many as 23! And if you really want to protect women, you don’t pass laws that cause delays–delays that end up increasing the number of second trimester abortions by 86 percent. That causes a huge increase in the cost and difficulty of an abortion–and that’s all that these laws were really intended to do, even if it made women less safe.  

Fortunately, the Court saw through that and stepped in.

While this ruling is cause for relief, it doesn’t relieve us of continuing the struggle to safeguard women’s rights from a continuous shitstorm. There are TRAP laws in other states that differ enough in details from the Texas laws that they won’t be automatically struck down by this ruling. Yes, the ruling does provide an important legal precedent in the fights to overturn those laws, but those fights still need to be waged.

And although these laws were only in effect since July of 2013, the damage they did to abortion rights in Texas will take decades to repair. The over 20 clinics that were shut down won’t be reopening soon–and many never will. Leases have been lost, equipment sold off, and most importantly, dedicated abortion providers have been forced to move on. The amount of damage to the safe abortion infrastructure in Texas is everything that the creeps who designed these laws hoped it would be.

So celebrate this ruling! We avoided major break on the legal levee that protects a woman’s Constitutional rights. But we have to remember that behind that levee there are still the constantly churning flood waters of conservative douchebaggery.

So get ready for that. But tonight, we party like it’s 1973.

Lizz Winstead,
Founder, Lady Parts Justice League

Happy National Abortion Provider Appreciation Day!



Join LPJL today in giving thanks to abortion providers all over the country who risk harassment and even violence to provide women with medical care. Today, March 10th, marks the anniversary of the death of Dr. David Gunn in 1993 at the hand of anti-choice extremists. It’s more important than ever to let these kickass docs know we love and support them! So to all the awesome abortion providers out there: We will never be able to thank you enough, but we sure as hell will try. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.